The Video Where I Am Very Vulnerable - My LTYM Video!

It don't think it comes as a surprise to those who know me well, that I try very hard NOT to be vulnerable. I keep my struggles and stresses and worries to myself. Until now...

For the first time, during the Listen To Your Mother Show in May, I took the stage with 16 other women, and poured my heart out.

It doesn't get more vulnerable than this for me right now. I have a story to tell. A story that I finally had the courage to share.

I hope you will watch. ( It took me 36 years to open up like this.)
I wonder if you can relate?
I am sorry I cry. (But I couldn't have told my story without tears.)
I hope you will share this with others, because I found out after the show that night that I am not the only one. As women came up to talk to me, they assured me, they too were struggling with this very same issue.

Producing/Directing the Listen To Your Mother Northern Utah Show has been one of the greatest and most amazing experiences I have ever had. As one of our cast members put it during our last rehearsal, "this has become a spiritual experience for all of us." And it has.

"Motherhood is my Style"

 Is anyone else in mourning?

Want to see all the amazing women and their videos from the Northern Utah Show? Find them here.

LTYM 2013 VIDEO LAUNCH thanks to national video sponsor The Partnership at We're proud to promote their message of preventing prescription drug misuse and abuse. Join the growing number of parents pledging to end this epidemic.


  1. I'm currently contemplating the same. I had a miscarriage in November, and it rocked my world. I never thought I'd be someone who could say that I'm done. Now I'm so unsure.

    The thought of getting pregnant and miscarrying again is so terrifying, that I just don't know if I can do it again. Still, the thought that I've already done all those "lasts" without having had the chance to know it...I just don't know if I can bear that.

  2. Thanks, Heather, for sharing so deeply. You brought up some thoughts that I had not considered and you did that from the heart. Maybe you are meant to be the one to write that book. I pray that you find peace in your heart about the next stage of motherhood for you.

  3. I went through the very same feelings and sadness that you're talking about, many years ago. I am sixty one years old and still wish I had had more children. I've decided that there just are moms like us, young and old, who never feel 'done' having children. We have five children who were and are the center of my world, along with the fourteen, (with one more on the way,) grandchildren. I believe that grandchildren are a tender mercy from our loving Heavenly Father to us so that we can continue to love, and teach, and be an important part of a little child's life, and they can be an important part of ours.

  4. My sister is still going through this and her youngest is 13 and she's about to be a grandma. :) She's the best big sister because my parents are no longer able to help care for kids if I want to go out of town with my husband. Ha!

    This has been a hard stage for me as well. I was sure I would have 5 or 6 kids but struggles with infertility and sanity as a young mom have changed that. I had a miscarriage last Easter and I was sure another pregnancy would follow and it hasn't. Then a few months ago as we were sitting at Family Home Evening the Spirit whispered to me that our family was complete. It is something I have fought hard against for several months but as my children struggle with school and sensory issues and I struggle with knowing how to help them, the more I know that it is true. I will never have another baby. I think I fought so hard against it because I didn't know. I didn't know that was my last pregnancy; my last labor and delivery; my last late night nursing; my last cheer for first steps. I think if I had known beforehand that those were the last, it would have been a much easier transition. Mourning is a perfect word for it. Thanks for sharing your heartfelt thoughts.

  5. I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant with our fifth, and last, baby. I can't even tell you how much your words resonate with me. We decided this one would be our last since I don't know if our finances, time, or sanity can stretch much farther...but, oh, how I hurt. Like you, I just don't know how to be done. The crazy thing is I'm only 28 (we had our first when I was 20), so I still have more than a few good child-bearing years left in me. On the other hand...enough is enough and one has to stop sometime. I wish I could find that spiritual knowledge that we're done, but it just hasn't happened yet and I fear it never will. It's not like I feel any spiritual promptings to have more either...I'm just really, really mourning the loss of my time of childbearing. Thank you so much for articulating so well exactly what I was already feeling.

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