Life's Not Fair - Let's Fight For More Birthdays

Aunt Wendy with our son. 2002

Early this morning my daughter and I headed out to get a few things for our hike. On the way we passed one of our neighbors. I hadn't seen her outside in months and I stopped to say hello. We talked, I asked her how she was feeling, we went on our way.

As I rolled up the window my daughter asked me more about her.

"Isn't she the lady that is sick like Aunt Wendy?" my daughter asked.
"Yes. She had the same thing Aunt Wendy had. She is all better now." I said.

My daughter was quiet for a few seconds and then asked, "If they had the same sickness, Why does she get to live and Aunt Wendy had to die?"

You see, last year my Aunt Wendy died of a brain tumor. She was only 46. We miss her. This woman in our neighborhood had the same type of tumor in the same place, the same size, diagnosed 3 weeks apart. Both were given the same treatment, same procedures, and are close to the same age. Our neighbor is now cancer free and has been for 6 months.

Tears filled my eyes and ran down my face as I tried to answer my daughter's question. It was a hard one. I realized that even to a 5 year old, life doesn't seem fair. She is not the only person to ask this question. I do to sometimes. When my aunt got sick it didn't seem fair. When I come to church and our neighbor is there with her family I sometimes think "that's not fair, why couldn't Wendy have been the one to live?"

Why do some people survive cancer and some don't? Why do some people have all the money they need, and some don't (especially when they are dishonest.) Why is it easy for some families to have children and some families can't? And my favorite, why do I struggle with my weight and she doesn't. It's not fair and it doesn't make sense.

I think about Aunt Wendy all. the. time. Her daughters just came down last weekend to play games with our family. They miss their mom. They especially miss her during holidays, and other special occasions like birthdays.

Wendy's birthday was always special because it is the same day as my moms. Funny, brothers who both married women who have the same birthday. We would always celebrate together. Both names on the cake, a big get together, food, laughing and family. We still get together on the birthday day, the girls still put her name on the cake, but.... well, it is hard.

After cancer hitting so close to home, or family has gotten more involved in the fight against this horrible disease. We need to find a cure. We need to ensure more birthday's for everyone. We wish that Wendy was here to celebrate another birthday with all of us. The American Cancer Society is a great place to start if you want to get involved. We have all been touched by cancer. It is time to stand up and fight to put an end to it.

This video is so fun. It will make you want to throw a party. It is a great reminder that we all want to celebrate another birthday, but to do that, we have to JOIN THE FIGHT.

When ever I get overwhelmed with feelings that "Life Isn't Fair", I remind myself.....

  • There is a plan for all of us. 
  • None of us knows the wisdom of the Lord. 
  • We do not know in advance exactly how He would get us from where we are to where we need to be. 
  • I had to remember that God knows what we do not know and sees what we do not see. 
  • I have to avoid comparing. 
  • I have to remind myself of all the blessings that our family has been given. 
  • I have to remember that I accepted these challenges before coming to earth and that I was prepared to handle them. 
  • I have to remind myself that there would be no test of strength or development of character without trials. 


Family Volley
This post is sponsored by American Cancer Society


  1. Yes! But then again that's what I tell my kids-life ISN'T fair and you WON'T always get what you want (doesn't stop me from feeling that way!) I also tell them I'll always give them what they need -as so the Lord will provide for us.
    As for unfair deaths we've delt with-I've always told my children that God was missing that person so much in heaven that He called them home early.
    So sorry for the loss of your Aunt.

  2. Oh yes. The unfairness of so many things.
    I love that you say we don't know in advance exactly how He would get us from where we are to where we need to be. So much we don't know yet.

  3. I know life isn't fair. And I hope I can teach my children that... And to know that depsite it, they are individuals and that our Heavenly Father does have a plan for each of them. It is hard to remember that all the time. As a mom with two busy young kids living in such a crazy time, I have days I forget why I am here. I get down on myself and the worst is when I compare myself to others thinking I am so much less. I'm not perfect, but I am TRYING and that is what counts. Thankfully, I try not to dwell on the negative feelings. There is much to be grateful for and much to be happy about. And somehow we just have to focus on the good and have faith that things do work out. Life isn't fair. But without experiencing the downs, how can we appreciate the ups?
    Thanks for your wonderful blog!! I love it!

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