Either Way Its Okay...You Wake Up With Yourself

This week I did something unthinkable for me. I sent emails to two different friends, to tell them I could no longer contribute to their websites.


I politely and graciously "resigned".

I had to keep the emails short. They were painful. These women have become my friends and not only did it make me feel like a failure, like I couldn't handle it all, but I also felt like I was letting them down, and that made me sad.


Everything came to a head a few weeks ago while I was reading "Carry On Warrior" by Glennon Doyle Melton. The book is full of stories from Momastery.com. About half way through I had this overwhelming feeling that it was time to stop hiding and be more honest with myself. Honest about what I can and cannot do. Honest about what I want to do, and honest about who I want to be. The book is amazing that way. I realized what I already knew. Being a wife and mother is hard, and that is okay. Admitting it is hard doesn't make me less or worse.

I have been struggling with this turmoil inside for a while now and didn't even know it. An unsettled feeling that was trying to tell me to get back to basics and actually live. Live side by side my children and love each and every moment. That is what I want. I want to laugh more and play more and be silly more. I want to rush less and worry less and stress less. I want to put my whole heart into the few things that matter most, instead of putting a little heart into lots of things that don't matter.

What really pushed me over the edge was Billy Joel. Yep, Billy himself. You see, I am a huge Billy Joel fan. Always have been. My husband, not so much. So while he was gone I put in "The Best of Billy Joel" and turned up the volume. I have lots of favorite songs, but up there at the top of the list is "My life". I was signing, signing loud when it hit me. Maybe you know the song.

They will tell you, you can't sleep alone in a strange place
They they'll tell you, you can't sleep with somebody else
Ah, but sooner or later you sleep in your own space
Either way it's okay you wake up with yourself. 

Yes, thanks to Billy Joel it all clicked.

Either way it's okay you wake up with yourself.

You see no matter what anyone else says or does or believes, I wake up with myself every day. I have to be happy with me, content with me, and honest with myself. And I have to accept that that is enough. And it is. When I open my eyes each morning, I have to feel good about who I am, because either way it's okay, I wake up with myself.

And for me right now, I am someone who needs to cut back and accept all I give. For it is enough even if it isn't everything.

So I "resigned" from a few positions. And you know what, my friends understood. They were supportive and wonderful.

And then I "re-hired" myself. To the most important position I have ever been blessed with. Being married to my husband and mother to our children.

This doesn't mean that I can't have any other interests. For example I feel strongly about getting back to Family Volley. And I am passionate about the LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER Show that I am producing and directing. But those things still feel right. The other obligations, not so much.

Thanks Momastery.com. And thanks Billy Joel. Thanks for giving me courage to do what needs to be done. Thanks for helping me feel better about "...waking up with myself."

Do you ever feel guilty saying "No"?

Do you feel like you have to do it all?

Who likes Billy Joel?

Is Honesty The Best Policy?

Our son with my Brother and His Family

Tomorrow, my brother, his wife, and their little boy are moving. My brother is headed to medical school and we will probably never live in the same place again. Ever. It is happy and sad all at the same time. That is another post for another time.

Tonight we went out to grab something to eat. You know to celebrate/say goodbye.

The sandwich shop we went to is new in town. I suggested it. It has gotten rave reviews.

We got there and the man who took our order was very positive and excited. He told us he had just moved here from the East Coast and that these Philly sandwiches were better than "the real thing". He promised they were authentic. My husband has had authentic.

Out came our sandwiches. We couldn't wait to dig in.

We all took bites together and chewed with strange looks. The sandwiches were not that good. Actually they weren't good at all. There was no taste, the bread wasn't that good, and the cheese. Well, I should have gone "wit out." We felt like we wasted time and money. I was sad that this was our last meal together.

Have you ever been to a restaurant that people said was great, but it wasn't? We were disappointed. We talked about that around the table. I apologized for making the suggestion in the first place.

We joked that if they came over and asked how our food was, we would tell them it was bad. Our kids heard us say all of this.

Then, before we knew it, the man did come over to our table and asked how things tasted. We smiled and fibbed. Yep, we pretended. Not over the top pretending, just reasonable pretending. He actually asked my brother again on the way out. My brother was polite.

Then...wouldn't you know it. We start to leave and our daughter asks...

"Mom, why didn't you tell the man the truth."

"What do you mean?" I said

"You told the worker that the sandwiches were good, but they weren't good."

I was quickly preparing to have the conversation where I explained that sometimes... you know... you have to say things...polite...others feelings....appropriate....etc....

She got sidetracked and didn't care about the answer to the question.

Leave it to our kids to keep us honest and on track. Pretty sure we need to be more careful about what we say in front of our children. They are getting too big.

WOULD YOU HAVE TOLD THE MAN THE TRUTH?

Family Volley