Heavenly Father probably looks at me and Laughs
Today I took our daughter to the doctor for her Kindergarten Check up. As you know, Kindergarten check ups involve shots. She has an older brother. She knew what would happen and she was excited and scared all at the same time.
Now, our daughter is full of fun and love, she is an unbelievable big sister, and loves to make friends. The more friends the better. She is the epitome of social, with a "pinch" of dramatic thrown in.
As soon as we got out of the car, the tears started. We wiped them away and waited until they called us.
As soon as the nurse entered the room and said hello, water works again. We calmed fears and wiped away more tears.
There was so much stress that her blood pressure was extra high and we had to wait and test it once the appointment was over to try and get a more accurate reading.
The rest of the appointment went fine. We laughed, the doctor taught us about strangers and seat belts and the 5-2-1 rule. 5 fruits and vegetables, less than 2 hours of t.v., 1 hour of physical exercise.
Once the fun was over, the nurse came back in to give the shots. I thought I was prepared for this. I had hoped that we had prepared our daughter for this. I had made the appointment 5 months earlier. I had gone through every scenario and thought that we were ready.
Nothing could have prepared me for the end of that doctors appointment. No amount of studying, researching, or teaching. I don't even know how to describe it. Let's just say, it took three of us to hold her down, I have bruises, and so do the other nurses, and the screaming was so very loud, so loud, you probably heard it sitting at your computer in neighboring states. It was that sound that you couldn't quite place around 11:45am MST. Remember?
As I worked with the nurses, and we held her still, my first thoughts were filled with frustration. A lot of it. I was embarrassed, frustrated, irritated, argh, so much unnecessary drama.
I looked into her eyes and didn't quite know what to do. I knew she would be okay, and I knew it wasn't as bad as she was making it out to be. Then, because I didn't know what else to do I started laughing, out loud.
I looked at the nurses, who were also a little lost for what to do. As though they had the okay, they started laughing also. It wasn't a mean laugh, simply a way to cope with a very uncomfortable and out of control situation. A relieving laugh that the drama would pass and our little girl was fine.
Everyone recovered, laughed some more, stopped the crying and headed to the car. When we got in the car our daughter said, "Mom, that sure didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would." (I think I tried to tell her that, didn't I?) We laughed together, and drove home.
I have been thinking about this all day. Why did I laugh? Was it wrong? Why didn't she just trust me when I tried to help her understand it wouldn't hurt? Why didn't my preparation pay off? I didn't act like that as a kid.
Then, as the kids were outside playing and our youngest was sleeping, the quiet brought my thoughts back to the laughing and the trust. Then it hit me.
I might not have acted like that as a kid, but do I act like this as an adult?
I believe in a higher power, a God, a Heavenly Father who loves me just as I love my children. Better than I love my children because His is a perfect love. I know He is there to watch over and protect and lead and guide. He tries to teach me, and wants me to trust Him, just like I wanted my daughter to trust me today. I sometimes struggle to do that. I make a big deal out of little things, I worry about small things that are out of my control. I cry and fight and make a scene sometimes. In private, but still.
I wonder if my Heavenly Father ever looks down and chuckles. He knows that things aren't as bad as I think, that this too shall pass, and that if I trusted more, there would be less crying. And then He laughs a little more, knowing that when it is all over, I will say, " that didn't hurt as bad as I thought", or, "that hurt really bad, thanks for getting me through it."
I think the laughing today was okay.