Remember when you were dating your husband, before you got married, and you promised each other that kids, and life, and work, and being tired would NEVER get in the way of the two of you dating? Remember those conversations? I do. And although we try really hard to hold true to those early promises, life does happen and fitting a date in can be complicated and sometimes so much work that it doesn't seem worth it.
The truth: Research shows that to keep our marriages strong we need to go on a date with our spouse EVERY OTHER WEEK. That's at least twice a month.
If you are a member of the LDS church, you know that our prophets and apostles recommend going on a date with your husband EVERY WEEK.
Either way this is a tough charge.
Then comes the next problem.
Do you ever find yourself on a date with your husband and all you talk about are your kids? Or maybe you struggle to find something to talk about at all? Or maybe, all you talk about are all the problems and worries your family is facing.
These things need to be talked about, but on our dates, that are hard to come by in the first place, is not the most ideal time. Our dates should be fun, relaxed and carefree. Not heavy laden with worries and stresses. There should be laughter and holding hands.
SO...Here is a list of things you can talk about when you go out with your husband this week. Print it out and take the list with you.
Yup, plan a date and MAKE IT HAPPEN. I am giving you plenty to talk about.
WHILE YOU EAT YOUR APPETIZER
1. Name three countries you would like to visit.
2. Which celebrity annoys you the most?
3. How would you spend 10,000,000 dollars? (My husband loves this question.)
4. If you could try out any occupation for a year, what would it be?
5. On a scale of 1 to 10 how cool are you?
OVER THE MAIN COURSE
1. If you could rewind to any point in your past, what would you want to relive?
2. If you could take lessons to become an expert at anything, what would it be?
3. How would you spend a perfect day alone?
4. What would you want us to do together for the next ten years if you knew they were our last?
5. What's the most honest thing you have ever done?
6. How would you like people to describe you at your funeral?
WHILE SHARING DESSERT, or eating your very own
1. Hollywood called, they want to make a movie about your life, who would play you?
2. Name something you love that no one seems to like. (Or name something that everyone seems to love except for you.)
3. What's the one item you own that you know you should get rid of but never will?
4. Name one thing you miss about our dating years? (Then talk about how you can make it a part of your dating again.)
5. Last one, make it good! What's something positive about me that you don't say often enough? (Then decide to say it more.)
Remember, these are not one sided questions. You both need to answer them. The coolest part, this will get the conversation going and then you can take it from there. You will find that the questions might seem funny or silly, but they can lead to other great conversations that you didn't even know would happen.
Happy Dating, Love birds.
IS DATING HARD FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND? WHAT GETS IN THE WAY?
WHICH OF THESE QUESTIONS WILL YOUR SPOUSE LIKE THE MOST?
I love this idea of date night every other week. Craig and I are lucky to have date night twice a year. First, tax season gets in the way and all those late hours cuts into our time together. When he is home I feel like his focus should be on the kids. We usually go out for our anniversary and once after tax season as a late Valentine's Day. I love the questions. I find that we do tend to talk about the kids when we're out. I think I would ask him is how would you spend the perfect day alone. He's going to get that opportunity when the kids and I go to FL for spring break.
ReplyDeleteCrystal, I think it works that way with a lot of us. It is so easy to over look the importance of our marital relationship. After all, thats the whole reason there are kids in the first place. Maybe you can slip in a quick lunch date before your Spring Break Trip. After all, everyone has to eat, right?
ReplyDeleteGood luck with tax season. I know things are crazy in your house around this time.
Thanks for this. My husband and I often find ourselves in long silent moments while out to dinner, not awkward, just silent. When we are in conversation it is usually about our son, crazy family, school, or work. This will help!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the starters. School gets in the way of date night big time. My husband is at work or school every night of every week except for Sundays and Wednesdays... and Wednesday is when I have to go to mutual. I can't wait to school is done:)
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of this, and I think it would be so great for my marriage (and my sanity!) but it's just not in the budget to get a baby-sitter that often. We have 3 kids, aged 6, 4, and almost 1, and we've hired an actual baby-sitter 4 times. Ever. We just can't afford to pay a baby-sitter and pay for a date. We've tried swapping with other couples but it never works out for us. So hopefully when we have a little more money we can do this, because I know how great it is to go on actual, real dates.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that dating has to cost a lot of money! I do marital therapy and always the first assignment is to go on a date each week, with each spouse taking turns planning it.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I have had to learn to be creative over the years. We couldn't afford sitters either, and we don't have family to help so we would have a "date" at home. We would put the kids to bed, and have a special dinner, or go out in the backyard, and stargaze. We've roasted marshmallows, jumped on the tramp (which led to making out on the tramp!) and we've taken the baby monitor and gone for a walk around 5 houses. Maybe the neighbors thought we were crazy, but it gave us time to stroll, hold hands, and laugh for a little while.
The big key is to make time, to have fun, and to connect. Between us, we work 3 jobs, but we make our weekly date a priority! We have even done it at 7 a.m. in the morning when evenings are so crazy, when my husband was in school. We sometimes meet for lunch now that the kids are in school. It's important and we should make our relationship a priority!
Thanks for the reminder, Heather! Love your questions too!
Can't wait to try these questions out on the next day. We do spend all the time talking about kids and life issues, so it will be a nice change.
ReplyDeleteSorry.. another comment. My friend always says a date is a lot cheaper than marriage counseling. It's a great reminder to just do it.
ReplyDeletethese are Great suggestions! We try to do day dates so that we can be home to keep the baby's evening routine, and so that we don't cramp our caretaker's evening plans.
ReplyDeleteBUT, I have noticed that our conversations are very stilted at first - and feel a little like a business meeting where we're checking off things on typical daily agendas. So, these conversation starters? much appreciated!
I love this. We just went out the other night and I started talking about the kids and my husband stopped me and said no kids, no agendas, just us tonight. I will have to remember some of these to help the conversation along for next time.
ReplyDeleteLadies, so glad to hear that these conversation starters will help. It is the same for my husband and I. Our thoughts and actions revolve around our kids as well as the every day stresses, so it is naturally where our conversations tends to go. Taking conversations topics with us is really fun and helps us be "us". The young, carefree, lovebirds that started this whole family thing.
ReplyDeleteLove this post because we always feel like it is so hard to go out on a date. Sometimes it just feels so much easier to stay home but I know how important dates are. When we actually do go out on a date it IS so much fun and nice to remember what it is like to be a couple again:-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for these tips and list of topics to talk about! I'm a newlywed, no kids yet, and we still go on dates. But I want to be prepared for the time when dating won't be as easy for us anymore. I hope I'll remember what you've written here!
ReplyDeleteGoing on date night in a few minutes and I purposely searched things to talk about with my husband! We can fall into the same traps you were mentioning.. Finances, kids, sad things etc. thank you for the list!
ReplyDeleteWhat are some ways that you can find a babysitter?? We have no family or friends that can watch our kids.... any suggestions on how to do a date night that is 'in house' so to speak?
ReplyDelete