He Said...She Said...Tips for back to school

Our daughters first day of Kindergarten (August 2010)

Hard to believe that the summer is coming to a close. Last night at dinner my husband commented that this has been his favorite summer ever. I might have to agree. We have taken things slow. Enjoyed our new little girl, and left all we could undone, as to not rush back into crazy family life. It has been wonderful.

School starts for the kids next Monday and I will be very sad to see them go. I love having them home. I love not having to be anywhere specific. Our two oldest will both be at school all day this year and I will have our three year old and newborn at home. It will be an adjustment, but we are ready to settle back into the routine, BLOGGING INCLUDED, thanks for your patience. :)

Last week I told the kids that we were getting back into our routine. That included bedtime. We didn't let it slide too much over the summer, but a little. We have more adjusting to do in the morning than at night. Our mornings are pretty lazy around here. It is time to start the routine and get used to it before the first day.

That is what I said...

Then, yesterday I overheard my husband telling the kids that this was the last week of summer so they could live it up. Staying up later to ride bikes, go for walks, watch a favorite show, what ever they wanted.

That is what he said....

We talked about it after he took them on a bike ride and they got in bed two hours after they were supposed to. He hit me with "they are only young once", and "soon it will be Winter and they won't be able to go outside and ride bikes at all", as well as "they will be fine, you worry to much, relax."

That is not the first time we have disagreed on something. I am sure it won't be the last. :)

Regardless of what he says...There are some key things we can do this week, to make the first week of school more successful.


1. Get YOUR good attitude ready.
If we have a good attitude, so will our children. No scoffs or scowls. No complaints about getting up early, or driving, or packing lunches. Be happy, excited, and talk about all the great things that come with school and learning. This also means keeping our emotions at bay. If your child is going to kindergarten and you are sad, try to keep your tears to private time. Even tears of joy worry children. You don't want your five your old to think they should stay home so you won't cry.


2. Turn off the TV (especially in the mornings). 
Instead, have your children color, do puzzles, write stories, play games, read or read to them, etc...This will get their brains working and concentrating again. It will also help their attention spans. In a few short days they are going to have to sit and focus and self motivate. Help them start doing that now.

3. Establish a sleeping and eating schedule. (even if your hubby disagrees.)
For the next week, be sure that bed times and wake up times, as well as meal times follow your upcoming school schedule. First, it will keep your kids rested so that the first few days are not too overwhelming. Remember, everything is more stressful when we are tired. And it will start to condition their bodies to the new times. The meal times are really important also. It you have been eating lunch at 11 all summer, but they won't eat until 12:15 when they are at school, their little bodies will be huuuungry. Feed them at the appropriate times so they are adjusted.

4. Round up the necessary school supplies.
Not only will you be ready, but kids worry about having what they need. For most kids, waiting until the last minute to pack those supplies makes them worry. Do your best to check off the supply list early this week so that your youngsters don't loose sleep over it. An added bonus...your kids won't keep asking every ten minutes when you are going to go get the school supplies because you will already have them.

5. Attend back to school night...visit the school.
This one is really important. Attend back to school night so your children can meet their teachers, see where they are sitting, and get an overall feel of how things work. While you are there, run through the library, playground, lunch room, meeting places for drop off and pick up and anything else they are curious about. Don't rush, so that you children can ask questions and get answers. They will feel much better if they know what to expect and where to go that first day.

6. Practice.
At least once, twice if you can, take a practice run. Set the alarms, get up, go through the routine, and drive to school. See how things go and trouble shoot any problems. Maybe you need to move where you put the backpacks, or it takes a little longer to drive to school than you thought. Go through the motions and help your kids understand what has to be done each morning to be on time.

7. Find out who else is in your child's class.
Here in Utah, class lists go up tomorrow. We will be looking to see if our kids know any of their class mates. If they do, great, explain that they already know someone. That will ease their mind. If they don't, and your children are worried, think about contacting a few of the children and maybe getting together at the park so they can meet and make friends. Then, on the first day, when they walk in, they will be surrounded by friends, not strangers.

8. Clear OUR schedule the first week of school.
Try to clear your schedule the first week of school so that you are available for your kids. Even if they are not going to a new school, the first week is still stressful. If possible, have a lot of down time after school where you are there to listen if they need to talk. Keep your schedule free from obligations so that you are there to help.

SO.... who's side are you on?

DO YOU LIVE IT UP THE LAST WEEK OF SUMMER

or

SETTLE IN TO YOUR ROUTINE?

Even if you live it up, I won't hold it against you. ;)

Date Your Husband? Let me start the conversation for you.

Remember when you were dating your husband, before you got married, and you promised each other that kids, and life, and work, and being tired would NEVER get in the way of the two of you dating? Remember those conversations? I do. And although we try really hard to hold true to those early promises, life does happen and fitting a date in can be complicated and sometimes so much work that it doesn't seem worth it.

The truth: Research shows that to keep our marriages strong we need to go on a date with our spouse EVERY OTHER WEEK. That's at least twice a month. 
If you are a member of the LDS church, you know that our prophets and apostles recommend going on a date with your husband EVERY WEEK.

Either way this is a tough charge.

Then comes the next problem.

Do you ever find yourself on a date with your husband and all you talk about are your kids? Or maybe you struggle to find something to talk about at all? Or maybe, all you talk about are all the problems and worries your family is facing.

These things need to be talked about, but on our dates, that are hard to come by in the first place, is not the most ideal time. Our dates should be fun, relaxed and carefree. Not heavy laden with worries and stresses. There should be laughter and holding hands.

SO...Here is a list of things you can talk about when you go out with your husband this week. Print it out and take the list with you. 
Yup, plan a date and MAKE IT HAPPEN. I am giving you plenty to talk about. 

WHILE YOU EAT YOUR APPETIZER
1. Name three countries you would like to visit.
2. Which celebrity annoys you the most?
3. How would you spend 10,000,000 dollars? (My husband loves this question.)
4. If you could try out any occupation for a year, what would it be?
5. On a scale of 1 to 10 how cool are you?

OVER THE MAIN COURSE
1. If you could rewind to any point in your past, what would you want to relive?
2. If you could take lessons to become an expert at anything, what would it be?
3. How would you spend a perfect day alone?
4. What would you want us to do together for the next ten years if you knew they were our last?
5. What's the most honest thing you have ever done?
6. How would you like people to describe you at your funeral?

WHILE SHARING DESSERT, or eating your very own
1. Hollywood called, they want to make a movie about your life, who would play you?
2. Name something you love that no one seems to like. (Or name something that everyone seems to love except for you.)
3. What's the one item you own that you know you should get rid of but never will?
4. Name one thing you miss about our dating years? (Then talk about how you can make it a part of your dating again.)
5. Last one, make it good! What's something positive about me that you don't say often enough? (Then decide to say it more.)

Remember, these are not one sided questions. You both need to answer them. The coolest part, this will get the conversation going and then you can take it from there. You will find that the questions might seem funny or silly, but they can lead to other great conversations that you didn't even know would happen.

Happy Dating, Love birds.

IS DATING HARD FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND? WHAT GETS IN THE WAY?
WHICH OF THESE QUESTIONS WILL YOUR SPOUSE LIKE THE MOST?

A True Valentine

 Our first Valentines Day together was magic. The one you wait for and dream of.

I had clues stashed all around the city. They were located at all the places where we had made significant memories together. First date, first kiss, you know.
My roommate helped me hide the clues. They were big red hearts taped up with red masking tape. They rhymed.

I had ordered his favorite cologne from Germany. A few other things were wrapped and waiting. He was to scour the city following the clues and end up back at my apartment. Dinner was waiting and so was I.

The wait was unbearable. When you are madly in love with someone every minute apart seems like a million years.

I left the door barely cracked open so he could walk right in. Like in the movies. The clues worked and I can still see him walking through the door. He had on my favorite shirt. It was a pink Polo dress shirt. At 6'4"and 220, you can wear pink.

He already knew. He had know for months. He already knew that we would spend forever together. Up to this point, I didn't know yet.
I knew that I couldn't breath without him, but, on the surface we came from very different places.
On the inside we were the same. Our beliefs, our hopes and dreams, we were the same.

As he walked through the door that night, in that moment, I knew too.

He gave me a big hug and kiss. We ate. And then I gave him his cologne. He still has some left. I bought a big bottle and he uses it sparingly. We can't ever get any more. When he wears it I am immediately taken back to that night.

Then, he gave me a ring. Not a wedding ring. It wasn't time for that yet. He didn't know that I "knew."

It was a beautiful band for my right hand. Three small sapphire baguettes (his birth stone) separated by two small diamonds. It cost him everything he had. He had scrimped and saved. My graduate professor noticed it the next day at school. Or maybe he noticed the giant smile on my face that I couldn't erase.

Every Valentines Day that memory comes back. The emotions are still tender and real.

We haven't had a Valentines Day like it since. (They have all been better.)

No scavenger hunts, no dimmed rooms with waiting packages, no pink Polo shirts.

Now, there are children. First there was one and we took him with us to Valentines Dinner.

Then there were two so we stayed home and I cooked my husbands favorite meal.

Then came three.
We eat a special Valentines Dinner the kids will love and cut hearts out of construction paper. There are countdown chains and glue and tape as we make homemade Valentines to be delivered to classmates. There are sugar cookies with pink frosting and too many sprinkles. And a special reading of the Berenstain Bears "Funny Valentine." followed by the story of "how mommy and daddy met."

Everyone gets cards. My husband writes in mine. I wait all year to read what he has to say. He knows that. He is really good with cards.

We finish by 6:30 because bed is at 7:00. Teeth are brushed, stories read, more stories read, and our girls usually sleep with their Valentines next to their pillows.

Then my husband and I work to finish dishes, I do laundry and we hope to go to bed early.

On our way to bed we check on the kids again. We straighten them out and cover them back up. We talk about them while we brush our teeth. We talk about how we will get a sitter in a few days and go out just the two of us. The few days usually turns into a few weeks, but we go. It is always special.

Then as I lay in bed I remember THAT Valentines Day. The first one. I am grateful for it. But just as soon as I remember it, it is gone. New memories flood my mind. I KNOW that every Valentines Day since has been better. They have been different but so much better.

Now I really know Valentines Day. Now I really know love. It is our children's laughter, the crooked red cut out hearts, the messy faces. It is standing by my husband doing the dishes. It is worrying and praying together about up coming decisions. It is being tired from nursing babies. It is trying to juggle schedules and wipe tears (and bottoms). It is the humility I feel when I realize I can do better. It is my husband running into my pregnant round belly and the laughter I just heard from our daughters crib upstairs.

Valentines Day is every day now.
It is every day I get to be a wife and a mother.
It is every day that I get to make our house a home.
It is everyday as I recognize how much love abounds when two people have committed to be together for eternity.

The gifts are different too. Not so much big, shiny or imported. Not just on Valentines Day. The gifts are the kind things we do for one another each and every day.
It is coming home and seeing that my husband has emptied the dishwasher. It is his hard work in supporting our family. It is his listening ear that he willingly shares, even when I tell him the same concern over and over. It is the toothpaste he puts on my toothbrush at night.

The memories are priceless. But that night in my apartment 11 years ago, I thought I had the Valentines Day of my dreams. Little did I know, the best was yet to come.

Now I know what it is like to have a true Valentines. Void of the commercialism, void of gimmicks. My true Valentine and I have a full house and a busy life. Filled with worries and stresses and joy and laughter.

Most of all my Valentine and I have every day together, filled with love.
I still can't breath without him. And every minute apart, seems like a million. 

Happy Valentines Day to you and your family.