How To Deal With Bedwetting

We have had personal experience with bedwetting in our home. I am excited to be able to offer some advice, and tell our story as part of this sponsored campaign from White Cloud Sleep Pants. 

Bedwetting can be a really frustrating challenge to deal with. Especially when our children are a bit older and have been trained for years. Often times a child who has started school and has had dry pants for years, starts to wet the bed. As parents, we have no idea what to do. We might feel ashamed or even like we have failed.

One of our children struggled with this for over a year. The emotional stress was exhausting, not to mention the extra laundry every day really began to take its toll. I went through a gamut of emotions, including blaming myself, and blaming him.

At first, we wanted to respond with frustration, threats and consequences if the bed didn't stay dry. It was very hard to be patient.

My husband and I would sit and talk every night about why it was happening, and what we needed to do to stop it. I knew the research behind bedwetting, and what I needed to do, but it didn't seem to make it any easier while it was happening in our own home.

After it went on for quite some time, we made a visit to the doctor just to make sure it wasn't a medical condition. Everything checked out fine.

We had to come to the understanding that our child was not wetting the bed on purpose. It was not their fault and they were not being lazy. It was just going to take time as their bladder control was taking a little longer for some reason.

Although there could be a number of different reasons for bedwetting, the most common are...

1. Bedwetting is hereditary.
2. Children have a sleep condition that makes them sleep so soundly, they don't wake to respond to their body prompts that they need to go.
3. Bladder control takes longer for some children than others.
4. A medical condition (although it is very rare that this is the cause).

Bedwetting is fairly common. 10% of 6 year olds wet the bed. It is much more common in boys. Children usually grow out of it by the time they are 10.

Luckily, that is what happened to our son. He eventually grew out of it.

What can we do as parents to help our children?

First and most important, we have to be patient. Really really patient. We shouldn't ever shame our children, or punish them for wetting the bed. No threatening or demeaning. It is important we stay positive and supportive.

Then, some basics.

1. Don't let your child drink a lot of fluids within two hours of bed.

2. Keep your child clear of caffeinated beverages. Caffeine is a natural diuretic.

3. Wake your child up and take them to the bathroom right before you go to bed.

4. Look for physiological stresses. A recent move, divorce, new school or trouble in school, etc...

5. Have them wear protective pants at night to help save the sheets and bedding. Some parents feel this is supporting the problem, but it isn't. It takes away the shame for your child, will save you laundry, and  will allow your child to help themselves in the middle of the night when they wake up wet, and can then take care of the situation. The best brand we found was White Cloud Sleep Pants from Walmart. The price was reasonable, they looked like underwear, and they didn't leak.

6. Apply a special sensor in their bed, or on their pants that alerts them the second they start to get wet. The alarm will wake them so they can stop and go to the bathroom.

7. Keep track of how many nights in a row your child stays dry, BUT, if they have an accident, don't get mad. Just start keeping track again. Be careful with incentives. If children don't earn the incentive, it can make them feel like a failure.

8. Consider spending more one-on-one time with your child. Make it a point to strengthen your relationship and spend time together. This will also help ensure that your child isn't wetting the bed for attention.

Above all other things, be patient. Think about how your child must feel, try to see and understand their perspective. They don't want to wet the bed. They don't want to disappoint you either. Be positive, uplifting and don't force, punish or demean them.

For my husband and I, the patience took time. But we got there. We also simplified things. At first I was against any sort of "night time pants". But, after chatting with my mom about the situation, she suggested I stop worrying, get our child some sleep pants, and move on with things. She was exactly right. We tried a number of different brands and were happiest with WalMart's White Cloud Brand. The protection and price were the best. They helped make a tough situation, much easier.

Do you have a child who wets the bed?
Was it hard for you to be patient?

Did you know that over 5 million kids a year experience bedwetting and it is one of the most common experiences during childhood development?

White Cloud Sleep Pants have been developed to provide exceptional comfort and leakage protection while looking like underwear. White Cloud Sleep Pants offer thin, discrete absorbent protection for your child. They have soft, stretchy sides that fit like real underwear, plus leak guards to help protect against leaks. The soft inner liner is hypoallergenic and treated with vitamin E and aloe for skin protection.

Each bag contains two unisex graphic designs and at $7.75, White Cloud offers exceptional value.

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of White Cloud Sleep Pants.

Children's Book that Teach Values

Last week, I chatted with Brooke and Darin from Studio 5.

The topic of the segment, "Books that Teach Values."

Books can be such a powerful parenting tool! Are you using them to teach your children?

Have a look at the video. Do you recognize any of the books?

What are some of your favorite Children's Books?

p.s. anyone else love Berenstain Bear Books?

Making Family Resolutions

After a much needed holiday break, our family is getting back into the routine of life. School is back in session, activities have started back up, and I have found myself, like so many others, making resolutions. 

It's that time of year. Resolutions are the thing to do. :) You might have even made goals for your family. But how many of us sit down AS A FAMILY and make Family Resolutions.

What a great way to strengthen our families, make resolutions together! The perfect way to start the year.

It is also a key way to teach your children important life skills like setting and achieving goals. following through, working as a team and being accountable, just to name a few.

You will want to gather your entire family together to make your resolutions. You want everyone to have input on the decisions. Whenever family members have a say in the decision making process, they are more likely to follow through and support.

Once you sit down together, open the discussion by asking your family what you did great in 2012. Talk about all the strengths your family has, and all the good things your family did.

Keep the discussion positive and focused on all the good. This will set a tone for the rest of the goal setting.


Then, there are a number of different approaches your family can take to make resolutions. A common theme is a good place to start.

How do you come up with a theme?

• Choose a key word you would like to focus on for the year. (service, organization, love).
• Choose a quote, motto, or saying that represents what your family would like to focus on for the year. 
• Choose a scripture that your family would like to focus on. 
• Choose a weakness that your family would like to make a strength.

Next, ask your family...

• is there anything you would like to see changed in our family?
• is there anything you would like to do more of/less of in our family?
• what are some of our family's weaknesses?

Use the thoughts and answers to these questions to help distinguish your resolutions. 

If you can, write everything down on a large piece of paper or a white board so that everyone can see what is going on and consider the thoughts together.

Narrow all the suggestions down to 2-3. Too many choices will be overwhelming.

Once you have decided on your resolutions, you will need to establish the details for each one. Each resolution needs a plan of action.

• How will you accomplish the goal/resolution.
• How will you measure your success/failure.

Remember, this first meeting will set the tone and establish the preliminary resolutions and guidelines. As you go, you will see where you need to make modifications.  

Before your family resolution meeting is over, decide when you will meet next to talk about your progress. This is a very important part of the process, and teaches your children important life skills like learning to follow through when you set goals. 

These follow up meetings should be regular. They should be kept positive, and provide an opportunity to evaluate how your family is doing, and if any modifications need to be made.

You will find that setting family resolutions is not only fun, but it will bring your family closer together. And isn't family closeness a resolution we have every year? :) Don't just set resolutions for yourself this year. Create resolutions for your family also and you will see 2013 be your families best year EVER!

Throughout the rest of the week we will talk about three key resolutions that every family should implement this year. Stay tuned. 

What was one of your families strengths in 2012?
If there is one thing you would like your family to work on this year, what would it be?
Have you made any family resolutions?

FAMILY FUN FRIDAY - Marshmallow Toss Game!

The object of this game is to catch as many marshmallows in your mouth as you can, before the time runs out.

You Will Need...
* Marshmallows (You want the large marshmallows. Not the minis.)
* Masking Tape (To mark boundaries)
* Bowl or bucket (This is to spit, or drop the marshmallows into after they are caught in the persons mouth)

How To Play...
Take the masking tape and make two lines on the ground, about 7-8 feet apart. Players are not allowed to cross these lines. If you are playing with small children, put these lines closer together.

Separate your family into teams. You want 4 or 5 people on each team. If your family is only 4 or 5 people big, no need for teams. :)

Choose someone to be the "catcher."

Have the "catcher" stand behind one of the lines you marked. Have the rest of the family (or team) stand behind the other line. They should be facing one another.

The line of players is given the bag of marshmallows.

When you say "go" the first player in line will grab three marshmallows and throw them to the "catcher" for them to catch in their mouths.

Give the "catcher"the bowl or bucket. When they catch a marshmallow in their mouth, they can spit it into the bowl to make room for the next one.

Once the first person has thrown three (one at a time of course), they rotate to the back of the line and the next person in line throws three marshmallows at the "catcher."

The "catcher" who catches the most marshmallows in their mouth wins.

How To Keep Score...
You can go by time: Set a times for 2 minutes. The players would continue to throw three marshmallows each, to the catcher. At the end of three minutes, count how many the "catcher" caught in his/her mouth and remember the score. Have each player take a 2 minute turn as "catcher". Whoever ends up catching the most marshmallows is the winner.

You can go by rotations: Have each person throwing the marshmallows, rotate through a certain number of times. For example, once each person has thrown to the "catcher" three times. The round ends.

Competition in big groups: If you are playing with extended family, or friends, youth groups etc... Divid the group into teams of about 5 people. Each team will choose a "catcher" to begin. Teams will set up and race one another.
*You can either have them race to see who can catch a certain amount the fastest. (First team to 50 marshmallows)
*They can give every one on the team a turn to be the catcher and then see how many the entire team caught.
*Or...as soon as the teams "catcher" successfully catches a given number (lets say 10) marshmallows in their mouths, they rotate to the back of the teams line and a new "catcher" takes their place. The first team to rotate through their entire team wins.

You get the point.

Your family and friends will love this game. Marshmallows will be bouncing all over the place and laughter will ensue.

Have fun, and have a great weekend!!!

Encouraging Our Children To Practice

Do your kids participate in extra curricular activities? Piano, soccer, violin, baseball etc...

Is it hard to get your kids to practice? Do they complain and whine, do they want to quit?

You are not alone. Getting our kids to practice can bring major stress, arguments and contention into our homes.

The first thing to remember is that practicing does more for our children than just make them better on the piano, or at soccer. Practicing teaches our children valuable life skills.

Self confidence
Self discipline
Time management
Priorities
Goal setting
Follow through
Accountability to others and to themselves
Builds relationships
...just to name a few

We need these qualities throughout our lives. Long after the soccer games and piano practice have ended.

Given that most of us are probably dealing with this on a daily basis, let's talk about some of the commonly asked questions when it comes to our kids and practicing.

Getting our kids to practice can be really frustrating. For parents there can be a fine line between encouraging and pushing too hard.

Can parents push too hard?
Yes, if we are pushing because we have our own agenda. Then we are pushing too hard. If we are pushing and our kids are miserable and not having any fun, then we are pushing too hard.

Realize that if we are going to push our kids, then we need to be willing to be more creative to help our children enjoy the practice and activity. 

What about bribes. Is it ever okay to bribe?
This can be tricky, but we want to try and stay away from using bribes, OR threats of punishment to get our children to practice. Remember, these experiences during our childhood are life experiences that are preparing them for the the rest of their lives. Bribery teaches our kids to only do something IF they get something in return. Bribes undermine the character building and internal motivation that activities can foster. Bribery is probably not on our list of life skills we want our children to learn. :)

Instead of "I will buy you a new toy if you practice the violin", we want our kids to practice the violin because it is the good and right thing to do. Because they are learning a valuable talent and fulfilling commitments to themselves and their teacher, and to us as parents.

To do this, focus on rewards and incentives, instead of bribes.

• don't talk about the gift or treat before, but instead present it AFTER practicing has been done. 
• don't reward for every practice.
• focus on setting goals and once they are met, celebrate. These can be daily, weekly, or monthly depending on what your child needs. 

What do we do when our kids want to quit?

When our kids want to quit, don't immediately let them throw in the towel.

Understand that kids usually want to quit because there is a problem. Try to identify why your child is unhappy in the activity. Could the activity be too hard, could it be that they don't feel like they have any friends on the team, are they over-scheduled, or maybe they don't like the teacher/coach, or would rather do other things.

• First, acknowledge their feelings. It is how THEY perceive things and the feelings are real to them. (Responding with "really", or, "is that so" will help them feel validated)
• Then, ask key questions to gather information..

I thought you liked soccer, what has changed?

What part of baseball are you struggling with?

What solution do you think would make you enjoy piano again?

• Remember to BE PRESENT. Whether it is soccer or piano, Attend practice whenever possible. You will learn a lot about their true feelings. Often times just attending practices will fix the problem. Kids don't like being "sent off" to practice. Even with piano. You don't have to sit at the piano with them, but sit in the same room when they practice. You can read, get on the computer, etc... Comment every now and again on what they are doing. It really does make a difference with practicing. We can't always attend everything. Especially when we have more than one child, or work, but we can do our best to be at practices whenever possible. 

We learned this with our son. He was fighting against piano practice. So, instead of sending him to the piano to practice alone while I made dinner in the kitchen, I sat in the same room with him. It made a huge difference. We also changed to practicing in the morning instead of after school when he was tired. Within a week, the whining and crying stopped.

Lots of time our kids will complain about going to practice, but once they get there they love it and come home and talk about it for the next two hours. This is a pretty good sign that they DON'T need to quit, but address a problem instead.

We went through this with our daughter. She complained on the way to dance every week. Tears and all, but she would always bounce out of dance, so happy she went, already talking about the next week. And then she would come home and practice dancing in the kitchen all night. 

I knew she loved dance and didn't need to quit, but why all the complaining? I asked her what we could do so she would enjoy dance again. She said she needed a break after school. 

I was picking her up from school and immediately taking her to dance on Tuesdays. As a 6 year old, going from a full day of school, to dance was too much. She didn't really want to quit, we just needed to find a way for her to unwind in between. I made some changes so when I picked her up, even though we were still in a hurry, she could relax. 

I was having her change her clothes in the car first. I switched and let her eat a snack, drink, ...first... and instead of snacking and eating in the car while driving, we ate on the grass and she changed in the school bathroom. It changed everything. These small changes stopped the complaining. 

If after asking the questions and observing, you conclude that your kids are in physical or psychological trouble, meaning that they are really, truly, unhappy with the activity, and stopping feels right...

1. It is okay to have them finish out what they have committed to. Finish out the season etc... This teaches them to follow through on their commitments and if it is a team activity, that they have a responsibility to other people. It will give children a sense of accomplishment also. 

2. Find something else that better fits their interest and personality.

Don't loose sight of the big picture. We are helping our children develop life skills. Skills they need forever. These skills are bigger than if they sat at the piano for 20 minutes or 30 minutes. Plus, they are making memories. Do we want their memories to be filled with arguing and stress, or positive experiences and fun?

Getting our children to practice can be difficult and stressful. But, if we will work to make it fun and be open to our children's thoughts and feelings, we can solve the problems and know when to let them stop, and when to help them push through. 

Do your kids complain about practicing?

Do you believe in making your kids finish what they start?

Never Say Never...or Always

In the heat of moments, in the stress of life, it is easy for us as parents, to not choose the best words when we are talking to our children.

Have you ever said...

"You never put your toys away"

"If you don't stop you will never come to the store with me again"

"You and your sister always fight"

As parents, we want to avoid saying words like never or always.

Why?

Words like never and always are very finite and harsh. Telling a child they "never clean up", or "never obey" makes them think...

1. Any effort they have put forth to obey or clean up in the past has been worthless.

2. They don't need to do better or try harder, because no matter what they do, it wont ever be good enough. They will never be able to obey, or clean up the right way. So why try.

These words actually bring out the behaviors in our children, that we say we don't like. They bring out the behaviors we are trying to stop when we say them.

These words also make children feel worthless. They are labels just like calling a child dumb or shy. If we call a child dumb they will start to believe they are dumb, and actually become what we label them. The same with never and always.

In addition...

When we use words like never and always in threats, it is almost impossible to carry out the threats or enforce the consequences.

For example...

Telling our child, "we will never take them to the store again..."

Really? We are really going to be able to go the rest of our lives and never take them into a store with us again? Of course we can't do that. Kids can see right through those threats. Given that the threat is empty, why is the child going to obey? They aren't, because they know that no matter how they act, or what they do, they will get to go to a store with you again. We can't enforce that threat, so they continue to act out.

Never and always can be used to give compliments, "you are always so kind to your sister." Or..."you never misbehave." This is still tricky. Are they always kind, and do they really never misbehave? Of course not. We have to be cautious with how and when we use them.

Have you ever said "never?"

p.s. my husband grew up with a lot of disfunction in his home. A lot of threats, never's and always. I still laugh about a conversation he had with our son when he was about 4. He said "if you don't obey, we will never celebrate your birthday again."

Our son looked at him, laughed, and said "yeah right dad."

Teaching your kids the "Rules of Friendship"-A Video

Last week I headed to Salt Lake to talk about the "Rules of Friendship" on Studio 5. Studio 5 is a local daily lifestyle show. It is always so fun to contribute.

Are your kids having friend trouble? Do they know what it means to be a good friend? Do you know what to do when a friendship goes bad for your child?

Instead of reading Family Volley today, watch it. :) Here's the video from the show. We even talk about "best friends", does your child really need one?

Have your kids had any trouble with friends?

Preserving Our Memorable Outfits and THE BEST Laundry Tip

*Click on the link at the bottom for THE BEST laundry tip*

Over the last few weeks I have been going through the kids closets sorting clothes. The process always takes a long time for two reasons. One, because the kids always want to hang out and help, and two, because I get so sentimental over the outfits. They bring back such great memories. It seems like just yesterday we were bringing home our first baby from the hospital. Now he is ten and we have 4 children. Where does the time go?

My mom made it a point to save and preserve a lot of the clothes I wore when I was little. I am so grateful she did. When we had our daughter, she started giving me my old clothes for our little girl to wear. Three girls later and it is really fun to see our girls in things that I wore, and even things that my mom wore. These family heirlooms mean the world to me. I hope that one day my girls will want their girls to wear them too.

I am extra careful with these pieces. I only wash them in Dreft, they never go in the dryer, and I store them separate from all the other outgrown baby clothes.

My mom taught me that it was important to use Dreft because it is gently on babies skin. (Our pediatrician recommended it too). My grandmother used Dreft, my mom used it (and still does on grandkids clothes), and I use Dreft too.  I will never forget my mom showing up to our home, a few weeks before our first child was born, with that pink box in her hand. Every time I have a baby, she arrives with the same pink box of Dreft.

One of my very favorite outfits is this little knit dress that I wore when I was a baby. My mom took such good care of things. I wore that dress, and now all three of our girls have worn the same dress. It doesn't have a size on the tag, but always fits our girls when they are about 3 months old.

Dreft has kept all the beautiful details in the knit, soft, sweet, and clean.

 
Just looking at it brings back a flood of memories and emotions. It always will. Thanks to Dreft, I hope to see it on a granddaughter one day.

Whether you're a first timer or the greatest, grandest mother of them all, there's one thing moms have agreed on for over 75 years- Dreft makes your little one's fabric feel as clean and soft as can be.

Do you have a most memorable baby outfit? 

Do you get sentimental about baby clothes?

P.S. Want another great laundry tip? Read about how to stop the never ending laundry pile.

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Dreft. As a part of this program I received the product, the opinions and text are all mine.

Stranger Danger-Talking to Our Children About Strangers

One of my favorite parts about summer, is that the kids are with me most of the day. It is comforting to know where they are and what they are doing. 

Sending them back to school makes me nervous. I am a worrier by nature, so when we are a part I stress about what they might encounter. And I worry about strangers. Stranger Danger is real, and it is a hard topic to discuss with our kids because we don't want to scare them. 

Start by helping your children understand what a stranger is. A stranger is anyone that your family doesn’t know very well. Strangers don’t have to look mean and evil like TV portrays. It is important for children to understand that.  

                                                                                                                                                       

When I was explaining strangers to our daughter, she said, “but we don’t know policemen, so are they strangers?”

Next, distinguish the difference between bad strangers and safe strangers. Safe strangers are those people that our children can go to for help. Firemen, policemen, and teachers are good examples of safe strangers. Talk about the safe strangers in your community.

Once your child understands what a stranger is, you will want to talk about dangerous situations. Explain to your children that anytime an adult…

·      Asks them for directions or help

·      Asks your child to keep a secret

·      Does or says something that makes them uncomfortable

·      Encourages them to disobey you or do something wrong...

They need to get away and tell an adult immediately. This also means explaining to them that they won't get in trouble for "telling on" an adult. Emphasis that they will never get in trouble for "disobeying" and adult when any of the above situations apply. 

Next, role-play situations that your child might be faced with. Remember, role play is one of the most powerful parenting tools we have. Role play prepares your children so that when they are faced with the situation, they have confidence in their abilities, because they feel like they have already handled the situation. It also helps them know just what to do. They don't have to waste precious time trying to decide how they should act. (Helping your children understand that in these situations, it is okay to say “no” to an adult.) Some examples might include…

·      A stranger asks your child if they want a ride home

·      A stranger stops to ask if your child has seen their missing dog

·      A stranger asks your child for directions

·      A stranger asks your child if they want a treat or candy.

Talk to your child about what to do if they are ever faced with one of these situations.

• Never get close to the car, or the stranger. Keep your distance.
• Yell “No” as loud as you can and run away from the stranger.
•  Tell an adult, or safe stranger what has happened right away.

Practice possible dangerous situations so your children know what to do. This will give them more confidence if the situation ever presents itself, and will give you a little peace of mind as you send them out the door each day.

What have you told your children about Strangers?

Is it hard to talk to your kids about strangers?

It it already Tuesday. What are your plans for the week?

Traveling with Kids - 5 Quick Tips

We recently returned from a trip to Park City, here in Utah. We were feeling the need to get away, but wanted to stay fairly close to home. We had a great time. Rode bikes, swam, shopped, ate, and I even took a nap. Gasp! I know. I can't remember the last time I took a nap.

It seems our vacations get better and better every time we take them. Not because of where we go, or even how long we stay, but because my husband and I are getting better at taking a vacation with kids.

The first time we took our kids on a road trip, my husband made it clear we would not be stopping. Now up to this point, when he and I traveled, we didn't need to stop. But with kids in the car. Never stopping just wasn't realistic. Our small children were ornery and impatient.

After 11 years of marriage, 4 kids, and a numer of family trips, things are really starting to look up. This last trip was a success start to finish. In large part by following a few simple suggestions.

1. Be realistic.
Expecting kids to sit in a car or on a plane for hours, without ever moving or stretching their legs, is not realistic. Expecting them to stay out all day without naps is not realistic. Be sure you have realistic expectations for your kids and the trip.

2. Offer familiar foods.
Traveling can really mess with my stomach. I can't image how kids might feel. When you go on vacations, work to offer your children foods they are familiar with and foods that are easily digested. Plus, familiar foods will be one less thing they have to adjust too. Our pediatrician also suggests giving the kids a probiotic such as Culturelle Kids. Culturelle helps keep a natural balance of good bacteria in the digestive tract. So when we travel that means less upset stomachs.

3. Keep a routine.
Even though you are traveling, plan to keep to a normal schedule, best you can. Find a way for your little ones to take their naps, keep meal times consistent and try not to burn the candle at both ends.

4. Always have something to drink.
This might sounds silly, but so many problems can be alleviated with a drink of water. Bringing snacks on a trip are a given, but it is easy to over look having something for our kids to drink. Anticipate being thirsty, and when the whining starts, offer a drink.

5. Plan something kid friendly every day.
Find a few minutes everyday of your trip to do something specifically geared towards the kids. Stop at the park. Go swimming, go for a walk, visit the zoo. This will not only keep things familiar, but let your kids feel like the vacation is for them also.

Although simple, these suggestions will help keep kids happy, which keeps parents happy. That means a happy vacation for everyone. Good things to keep in mind as you take your last "summer" vacations of the year, and start to prep for holiday travel. Find more tips on traveling with your kids.

Do you like to travel with your kids?

What is your best family travel tip?

I was compensated for this post, all opinions expressed are my own.

Back to School Tips

It is hard to believe that we are getting ready to go back to school. Where did the summer go, and how can we rewind and get it back?

I never feel ready for the hustle and bustle that is about to hit and I also miss the kids when they go back to school. 

Back to school is stressful for our kids also. They worry and wonder too. It is a big adjustment and anything we can do to ease their minds will help.

Here are key things that we can do to make Back to School Better for the whole family.

First, here are 2 things just for ME and YOU.

1. Get YOUR good attitude ready.
If we have a good attitude, so will our children. No scoffs or scowls. No complaints about getting up early, or driving, or packing lunches. Be happy, excited, and talk about all the great things that come with school and learning. This also means keeping our emotions at bay. If your child is going to kindergarten and you are sad, try to keep your tears to private time. Even tears of joy worry children. You don't want your five your old to think they should stay home so you won't cry.

2. Clear OUR schedule the first week of school.
Try to clear your schedule the first week of school so that you are available for your kids. Even if they are not going to a new school, the first week is still stressful. If possible, have a lot of down time after school where you are there to listen if they need to talk. Keep your schedule free from obligations so that you are there to help.

Then...

1. Establish a sleeping and eating schedule.
For the next week, be sure that bed times and wake up times, as well as meal times follow your upcoming school schedule. First, it will keep your kids rested so that the first few days are not too overwhelming. Remember, everything is more stressful when we are tired. And it will start to condition their bodies to the new times. The meal times are really important also. It you have been eating lunch at 11 all summer, but they won't eat until 12:15 when they are at school, their little bodies will be huuuungry. Feed them at the appropriate times so they are adjusted.

2. Turn off the TV (especially in the mornings). 
Instead, have your children color, do puzzles, write stories, play games, read or read to them, etc...This will get their brains working and concentrating again. It will also help their attention spans. In a few short days they are going to have to sit and focus and self motivate. Help them start doing that now.

3. Round up the necessary school supplies.
Not only will you be ready, but kids worry about having what they need. For most kids, waiting until the last minute to pack those supplies makes them worry. Do your best to check off the supply list early this week so that your youngsters don't loose sleep over it. An added bonus...your kids won't keep asking every ten minutes when you are going to go get the school supplies because you will already have them.

4. Attend back to school night...visit the school.
This one is really important. Attend back to school night so your children can meet their teachers, see where they are sitting, and get an overall feel of how things work. While you are there, run through the library, playground, lunch room, meeting places for drop off and pick up and anything else they are curious about. Don't rush, so that your children can ask questions and get answers. They will feel much better if they know what to expect and where to go that first day. 

5. Practice.
At least once, twice if you can, take a practice run. Set the alarms, get up, go through the routine, and drive to school. See how things go and trouble shoot any problems. Maybe you need to move where you put the backpacks, or it takes a little longer to drive to school than you thought. Go through the motions and help your kids understand what has to be done each morning to be on time. If your child is going to ride a bus, practice (drive) the bus route also. Rehearse the drop off and pick up locations, and drive the route so kids know how things are going to work. 

6. Find out who else is in your child's class.
Here in Utah, class lists go up tomorrow. We will be looking to see if our kids know any of their class mates. If they do, great, explain that they already know someone. That will ease their mind. If they don't, and your children are worried, think about contacting a few of the children and maybe getting together at the park so they can meet and make friends. Then, on the first day, when they walk in, they will be surrounded by friends, not strangers.

7. Prepare the house.

Take some time before school starts to get the house ready. Designate a Drop Zone. This is a place for backpacks, coats, school papers, etc... All the things that kids like to drop on the floor right inside the door when they come home from school. Kids are much more likely to help keep things clean and organized if they know where things belong. Having a place for these everyday articles will make school go much smoother. It will make finding everything in the morning much easier and less stressful, and it will keep you from feeling like the new school year has taken over your house. 

A little preparation will go a long ways. Preparing ourselves, our families and our homes will make going Back to School a good experience for everyone. 

Are you ready for your kids to go back to school?

How do you prepare for Back to School?

(We talked about most of these tips last year too!)

Don't Deny Their Feelings

As parents, we can make things worse with our kids instead of better when we deny how they are feeling.

Here are two examples (that I may or may not have said before.) 

Have you ever had your child say...

"Mom, I am hungry?"

Have you ever responded by saying...

"You can't be hungry, you just ate lunch"

How about when your child says...

"My shoes are hurting my feet."

And we respond with...

"No they aren't, put them back on your feet." 

Can you see the problem with both of those examples. Can't you just hear the arguments starting. 

"But mom, I am hungry." 
"You just ate, you don't need any more food."
"I know but I am still hungry!"
"I just made you dinner and you said you were full."

And on and on and on.... Arguments and temper tantrums ensue.

Funny, there was no arguing or tantrums until WE DENIED how our kids felt. 

When we are constantly denying our children's feelings it makes them mad and confused. This leads to misbehavior.
It also causes them to stop trusting their own feelings.  

We have to accept our children's feelings. It is how THEY feel. Who are we to tell them that how THEY feel is wrong? When we accept our kids, they feel more respected, more loved and there will be less power struggles because they feel validated and understood. 

Just like with adults, it isn't so much a solution kids need, as it is to be understood and accepted. 

So how can we respond?

First, we need to think about the situation from their point of view. 

Put yourself in their shoes. What if when you told your husband you were hungry, he said "no you aren't, you just ate." What if when you were 9 months pregnant you told someone your back hurt and you needed to rest, and they said..."your back doesn't hurt, you have already had 4 kids, you are used to it." What if when you were cold and wanted to wear a coat, your husband said..."you're not cold, you don't need a coat."

None of these responses would sit well with us. You can quickly see why our kids get so upset.

STOP and think about how your kids feel. When I am hot, I am miserable. I don't want to wear my coat. They are hot and miserable too.

Second, instead of trying to give advice, tell them they are wrong, or council them, respond with a simple comment...

"Really"
"Is that so"
"I see"
"Oh"
"Hmmmm"

A simple comment response works wonders. I used it today. 
Our daughter came to me to tell me about something her brother had done. She was playing with the baby and he came and took over.

Instead of counseling her, or getting on her, or telling her it wasn't a big deal, I just said, "hmmm, really?"

Guess what happened? She looked at me, said... "yes he did, he always does that". And then she ran off to play. She just wanted her feelings to be validated.

That was the end of it. If I had tried to solve the problem, figure out who was at fault, or said anything else, it would have turned into a "thing".

Remember, always accept how your children feel. It is okay to feel frustrated, hungry, mad, happy, excited and/or irritated.

Don't always accept how your kids act. Hitting, or throwing a fit because they are mad or frustrated is NOT okay.

Try this. Accept their feelings without any strings attached. You will see that it helps with the arguments and power struggles and makes for a happier household. 

Have you ever told your child they weren't hungry?

Will it be hard to hold your tongue and just say "Hmmmm?"

Beat the Summer Boredom

Have you heard it yet? Have you heard the boredom cry? Now that the kids have been out of school for a few weeks, has the novelty of being home worn off?


Pretty normal that by this time, the kids might be wondering what to do with all their free time.This can quickly drive moms crazy. 

As parents we can worry that we have to entertain our children every minute of the day. But we don't. It is just as important for kids to learn to entertain and "be" with themselves too.

Research shows us that our kids are amongst the smartest ever raised, but they are also one of the most stressed generations. 41% of children in a recent pole, feel stressed most or all of the time because they have too much to do. 
Children need time to do "nothing" so that they can decompress and experience the world around them. There are proven benefits to learning to deal with boredom. People who are ranked low on the "boredom scale" are found to do better in their education and career and to have a higher degree of self sufficiency.

When it comes to unstructured time.
1. Encourage "daydreaming". It helps produce brain waves that boost creativity. Dont feel guilty if you don't have every minute scheduled for your child. 
2. Take small steps. You can do this by setting aside a few minutes everyday that is unstructured. Have children play alone during this time. As they are better able to manage the unplanned time, increase this unstructured time as your child increases their ability to play alone.
3. Accept the messes. Kids entertaining themselves might mean a few messes to clean up. There might be craft supplies to put away, tents to take down, even "villages" to dismantle. As parents, we need to be okay with this. It is important that our kids learn these skills. It is their childhood. Don't worry about the messes. And, you can use it as a time to teach kids to clean up and put away. 
4. Identify the problem. I'm bored means a lot of things. (For me it usually means I am hungry, or avoiding something I should be doing.) Get to the bottom of the problem. Think about some of the following questions.  

•      Is you child over-scheduled? Are they involved in too many things?
•      Is your child hungry?
•      Is your child addicted to electronics? They don't know what to do when they unplug.
•      Does your child lack outside interests? 
•      Is your child trying to avoid tasks because they are too difficult or frustrating and use boredom as an excuse to get out of completing them?
•      Does your child need more challenge? Activities could be too easy or predictable, not stimulating and uninteresting. 
•      Does your child want approval or feel neglected? 
•      Have you always planned everything for your child? They have never had to entertain themselves because you always do it for them?

We want to empower our children with the skills they need to solve their own boredom. They will probably need a little help at the beginning, but with a little practice, they will get the hang of things.
Here are some suggestions to get things started at your house this summer. 

• Create a boredom box, or boredom list. Work with your children to write down all the things that they can do when they are bored. Small children can draw pictures of their ideas and suggestions. Add your own ideas and keep the box or list readily accessible. We have our own list that sits on our fridge. We have two lists, one list of things to do inside and then an outside list. This helps us whether it is Summer or Winter. When I hear the words, "Mom, I'm bored", I get the kids a snack and they sit down with the list. Our son and daughter can read, so they can pick their own activities off the list, our youngest can't read yet, so I made her a list that only had pictures. She loves to look at the list and choose her favorite activities. 
• Read. Do all you can to get your kids to read. Check out books at the library. If they like sports, let them read the sports page, if they like to cook, like our daughter, let them read cookbooks. Reading anything is great. For Christmas every year we give our children magazine subscriptions to children's magazines. A new issue comes every month and they read them over and over. It gives them something to look forward to and because they are interested in the subject, they really get into reading them. We always do a reading program in the summer too. Our local library gives out a reading calendar that is always fun. And, this year we are using this fun summer reading printable. It is a free download and the kids are really excited. 
• Help your child find a hobby or interest. This wont take long. Children love to learn. Sometimes they just need a little help exploring the possibilities. Help your child find something they are passionate about and then give them the tools and skills to support the passion. Bugs, books, art, sports, anything. Even if it is not your passion, encourage them. 
• Encourage creativity. Always have art and craft supplies available. We have a basket that holds all of the supplies that our kids can use themselves. When ever I finish a paper towel roll, or find random ribbons or bobbles that I don't need, I put them into the basket. It is filled with all sorts of randomness. At first it was hard for me to keep "things" that I wanted to throw away. Then I designated a space in our home to hold the "things" and it has made a huge difference for me and with our children. They help themselves to the supplies and are constantly creating pictures and sculptures and villages. Have a costume box. Kids love to dress up. Fill it with anything and everything that they could wear. They will get creative and have a great time playing make believe. Encourage tents and and forts.This one was also hard for me at first. I didn't always want the forts in the middle of the family room. We designated what blankets and pillows and areas could be used to make forts. It made things easier for me and for the kids. We also set guidelines for how long the tents can be up. The kids know they can build all they want, but at the end of the day, after Daddy has come home from work and seen what they have built, that they have to clean up also. 
• Teach children to have patience and wait. Kids today, like a lot of adults, want instant gratification and constant stimulation. When there is nothing entertaining them, they don't know what to do. Encourage them to do projects that can be stretched to longer than one sitting. Simple ways to do this: Have them start by drawing one picture, and then over a few weeks increase that to drawing a few more pictures. Then have them put words to their pictures, then bind the pages to make a book. Puzzles are great also. Start with a 25 piece and increase little by little, 50 piece, 75 piece etc. Reading chapter books, for older children, is also great. Plan ahead to teach patience. Make a family calendar and fill it with some fun things you are going to do this summer. Schedule them on the calendar so that kids can follow along and learn to understand how we have to wait to do things.  
• Cut back on electronics. Parents and children are always quick to use T.V, video games, computer time, as a solution to the bored problem. These electronics actually keep kids from being resourceful and creative. Like we mentioned last week with the technology post, set limits on electronics and enforce the limits. 
• Rotate toys. If your children complains that they are getting bored with their toys, rotate them. Every six months I take toys and put them away. Then, six months later I put the toys the kids have been playing with away, and pull out the toys that have been packed away. My children think it is Christmas. They are so excited to play with the toys they haven't seen for awhile. It keeps them interested and gives them new things to play with. 

As parents, we need to be willing to play with our kids. It is vital to their development. But, It is also important to teach children how to entertain themselves. Seek out a healthy balance to raise children who can focus, imagine and create with you, and on their own.

If all else fails, when the kids start to complain about the boredom, suggest your kids do work around the house or yard work. Don't worry, they will very quickly find something to entertain themselves. Ha!

Need some fun new games and activities for your kids. Buy the Family Fun Friday Game/Activity and your kids won't be bored again. You can click on the red button that says "Buy the Book". Top right of the page. Hours of fun entertainment for your kids and your family.

Are your kids complaining about boredom yet?