FAMILY FUN FRIDAY - Marshmallow Toss Game!

The object of this game is to catch as many marshmallows in your mouth as you can, before the time runs out.

You Will Need...
* Marshmallows (You want the large marshmallows. Not the minis.)
* Masking Tape (To mark boundaries)
* Bowl or bucket (This is to spit, or drop the marshmallows into after they are caught in the persons mouth)

How To Play...
Take the masking tape and make two lines on the ground, about 7-8 feet apart. Players are not allowed to cross these lines. If you are playing with small children, put these lines closer together.

Separate your family into teams. You want 4 or 5 people on each team. If your family is only 4 or 5 people big, no need for teams. :)

Choose someone to be the "catcher."

Have the "catcher" stand behind one of the lines you marked. Have the rest of the family (or team) stand behind the other line. They should be facing one another.

The line of players is given the bag of marshmallows.

When you say "go" the first player in line will grab three marshmallows and throw them to the "catcher" for them to catch in their mouths.

Give the "catcher"the bowl or bucket. When they catch a marshmallow in their mouth, they can spit it into the bowl to make room for the next one.

Once the first person has thrown three (one at a time of course), they rotate to the back of the line and the next person in line throws three marshmallows at the "catcher."

The "catcher" who catches the most marshmallows in their mouth wins.

How To Keep Score...
You can go by time: Set a times for 2 minutes. The players would continue to throw three marshmallows each, to the catcher. At the end of three minutes, count how many the "catcher" caught in his/her mouth and remember the score. Have each player take a 2 minute turn as "catcher". Whoever ends up catching the most marshmallows is the winner.

You can go by rotations: Have each person throwing the marshmallows, rotate through a certain number of times. For example, once each person has thrown to the "catcher" three times. The round ends.

Competition in big groups: If you are playing with extended family, or friends, youth groups etc... Divid the group into teams of about 5 people. Each team will choose a "catcher" to begin. Teams will set up and race one another.
*You can either have them race to see who can catch a certain amount the fastest. (First team to 50 marshmallows)
*They can give every one on the team a turn to be the catcher and then see how many the entire team caught.
*Or...as soon as the teams "catcher" successfully catches a given number (lets say 10) marshmallows in their mouths, they rotate to the back of the teams line and a new "catcher" takes their place. The first team to rotate through their entire team wins.

You get the point.

Your family and friends will love this game. Marshmallows will be bouncing all over the place and laughter will ensue.

Have fun, and have a great weekend!!!

Encouraging Our Children To Practice

Do your kids participate in extra curricular activities? Piano, soccer, violin, baseball etc...

Is it hard to get your kids to practice? Do they complain and whine, do they want to quit?

You are not alone. Getting our kids to practice can bring major stress, arguments and contention into our homes.

The first thing to remember is that practicing does more for our children than just make them better on the piano, or at soccer. Practicing teaches our children valuable life skills.

Self confidence
Self discipline
Time management
Priorities
Goal setting
Follow through
Accountability to others and to themselves
Builds relationships
...just to name a few

We need these qualities throughout our lives. Long after the soccer games and piano practice have ended.

Given that most of us are probably dealing with this on a daily basis, let's talk about some of the commonly asked questions when it comes to our kids and practicing.

Getting our kids to practice can be really frustrating. For parents there can be a fine line between encouraging and pushing too hard.

Can parents push too hard?
Yes, if we are pushing because we have our own agenda. Then we are pushing too hard. If we are pushing and our kids are miserable and not having any fun, then we are pushing too hard.

Realize that if we are going to push our kids, then we need to be willing to be more creative to help our children enjoy the practice and activity. 

What about bribes. Is it ever okay to bribe?
This can be tricky, but we want to try and stay away from using bribes, OR threats of punishment to get our children to practice. Remember, these experiences during our childhood are life experiences that are preparing them for the the rest of their lives. Bribery teaches our kids to only do something IF they get something in return. Bribes undermine the character building and internal motivation that activities can foster. Bribery is probably not on our list of life skills we want our children to learn. :)

Instead of "I will buy you a new toy if you practice the violin", we want our kids to practice the violin because it is the good and right thing to do. Because they are learning a valuable talent and fulfilling commitments to themselves and their teacher, and to us as parents.

To do this, focus on rewards and incentives, instead of bribes.

• don't talk about the gift or treat before, but instead present it AFTER practicing has been done. 
• don't reward for every practice.
• focus on setting goals and once they are met, celebrate. These can be daily, weekly, or monthly depending on what your child needs. 

What do we do when our kids want to quit?

When our kids want to quit, don't immediately let them throw in the towel.

Understand that kids usually want to quit because there is a problem. Try to identify why your child is unhappy in the activity. Could the activity be too hard, could it be that they don't feel like they have any friends on the team, are they over-scheduled, or maybe they don't like the teacher/coach, or would rather do other things.

• First, acknowledge their feelings. It is how THEY perceive things and the feelings are real to them. (Responding with "really", or, "is that so" will help them feel validated)
• Then, ask key questions to gather information..

I thought you liked soccer, what has changed?

What part of baseball are you struggling with?

What solution do you think would make you enjoy piano again?

• Remember to BE PRESENT. Whether it is soccer or piano, Attend practice whenever possible. You will learn a lot about their true feelings. Often times just attending practices will fix the problem. Kids don't like being "sent off" to practice. Even with piano. You don't have to sit at the piano with them, but sit in the same room when they practice. You can read, get on the computer, etc... Comment every now and again on what they are doing. It really does make a difference with practicing. We can't always attend everything. Especially when we have more than one child, or work, but we can do our best to be at practices whenever possible. 

We learned this with our son. He was fighting against piano practice. So, instead of sending him to the piano to practice alone while I made dinner in the kitchen, I sat in the same room with him. It made a huge difference. We also changed to practicing in the morning instead of after school when he was tired. Within a week, the whining and crying stopped.

Lots of time our kids will complain about going to practice, but once they get there they love it and come home and talk about it for the next two hours. This is a pretty good sign that they DON'T need to quit, but address a problem instead.

We went through this with our daughter. She complained on the way to dance every week. Tears and all, but she would always bounce out of dance, so happy she went, already talking about the next week. And then she would come home and practice dancing in the kitchen all night. 

I knew she loved dance and didn't need to quit, but why all the complaining? I asked her what we could do so she would enjoy dance again. She said she needed a break after school. 

I was picking her up from school and immediately taking her to dance on Tuesdays. As a 6 year old, going from a full day of school, to dance was too much. She didn't really want to quit, we just needed to find a way for her to unwind in between. I made some changes so when I picked her up, even though we were still in a hurry, she could relax. 

I was having her change her clothes in the car first. I switched and let her eat a snack, drink, ...first... and instead of snacking and eating in the car while driving, we ate on the grass and she changed in the school bathroom. It changed everything. These small changes stopped the complaining. 

If after asking the questions and observing, you conclude that your kids are in physical or psychological trouble, meaning that they are really, truly, unhappy with the activity, and stopping feels right...

1. It is okay to have them finish out what they have committed to. Finish out the season etc... This teaches them to follow through on their commitments and if it is a team activity, that they have a responsibility to other people. It will give children a sense of accomplishment also. 

2. Find something else that better fits their interest and personality.

Don't loose sight of the big picture. We are helping our children develop life skills. Skills they need forever. These skills are bigger than if they sat at the piano for 20 minutes or 30 minutes. Plus, they are making memories. Do we want their memories to be filled with arguing and stress, or positive experiences and fun?

Getting our children to practice can be difficult and stressful. But, if we will work to make it fun and be open to our children's thoughts and feelings, we can solve the problems and know when to let them stop, and when to help them push through. 

Do your kids complain about practicing?

Do you believe in making your kids finish what they start?

Never Say Never...or Always

In the heat of moments, in the stress of life, it is easy for us as parents, to not choose the best words when we are talking to our children.

Have you ever said...

"You never put your toys away"

"If you don't stop you will never come to the store with me again"

"You and your sister always fight"

As parents, we want to avoid saying words like never or always.

Why?

Words like never and always are very finite and harsh. Telling a child they "never clean up", or "never obey" makes them think...

1. Any effort they have put forth to obey or clean up in the past has been worthless.

2. They don't need to do better or try harder, because no matter what they do, it wont ever be good enough. They will never be able to obey, or clean up the right way. So why try.

These words actually bring out the behaviors in our children, that we say we don't like. They bring out the behaviors we are trying to stop when we say them.

These words also make children feel worthless. They are labels just like calling a child dumb or shy. If we call a child dumb they will start to believe they are dumb, and actually become what we label them. The same with never and always.

In addition...

When we use words like never and always in threats, it is almost impossible to carry out the threats or enforce the consequences.

For example...

Telling our child, "we will never take them to the store again..."

Really? We are really going to be able to go the rest of our lives and never take them into a store with us again? Of course we can't do that. Kids can see right through those threats. Given that the threat is empty, why is the child going to obey? They aren't, because they know that no matter how they act, or what they do, they will get to go to a store with you again. We can't enforce that threat, so they continue to act out.

Never and always can be used to give compliments, "you are always so kind to your sister." Or..."you never misbehave." This is still tricky. Are they always kind, and do they really never misbehave? Of course not. We have to be cautious with how and when we use them.

Have you ever said "never?"

p.s. my husband grew up with a lot of disfunction in his home. A lot of threats, never's and always. I still laugh about a conversation he had with our son when he was about 4. He said "if you don't obey, we will never celebrate your birthday again."

Our son looked at him, laughed, and said "yeah right dad."

Stranger Danger-Talking to Our Children About Strangers

One of my favorite parts about summer, is that the kids are with me most of the day. It is comforting to know where they are and what they are doing. 

Sending them back to school makes me nervous. I am a worrier by nature, so when we are a part I stress about what they might encounter. And I worry about strangers. Stranger Danger is real, and it is a hard topic to discuss with our kids because we don't want to scare them. 

Start by helping your children understand what a stranger is. A stranger is anyone that your family doesn’t know very well. Strangers don’t have to look mean and evil like TV portrays. It is important for children to understand that.  

                                                                                                                                                       

When I was explaining strangers to our daughter, she said, “but we don’t know policemen, so are they strangers?”

Next, distinguish the difference between bad strangers and safe strangers. Safe strangers are those people that our children can go to for help. Firemen, policemen, and teachers are good examples of safe strangers. Talk about the safe strangers in your community.

Once your child understands what a stranger is, you will want to talk about dangerous situations. Explain to your children that anytime an adult…

·      Asks them for directions or help

·      Asks your child to keep a secret

·      Does or says something that makes them uncomfortable

·      Encourages them to disobey you or do something wrong...

They need to get away and tell an adult immediately. This also means explaining to them that they won't get in trouble for "telling on" an adult. Emphasis that they will never get in trouble for "disobeying" and adult when any of the above situations apply. 

Next, role-play situations that your child might be faced with. Remember, role play is one of the most powerful parenting tools we have. Role play prepares your children so that when they are faced with the situation, they have confidence in their abilities, because they feel like they have already handled the situation. It also helps them know just what to do. They don't have to waste precious time trying to decide how they should act. (Helping your children understand that in these situations, it is okay to say “no” to an adult.) Some examples might include…

·      A stranger asks your child if they want a ride home

·      A stranger stops to ask if your child has seen their missing dog

·      A stranger asks your child for directions

·      A stranger asks your child if they want a treat or candy.

Talk to your child about what to do if they are ever faced with one of these situations.

• Never get close to the car, or the stranger. Keep your distance.
• Yell “No” as loud as you can and run away from the stranger.
•  Tell an adult, or safe stranger what has happened right away.

Practice possible dangerous situations so your children know what to do. This will give them more confidence if the situation ever presents itself, and will give you a little peace of mind as you send them out the door each day.

What have you told your children about Strangers?

Is it hard to talk to your kids about strangers?

It it already Tuesday. What are your plans for the week?

FAMILY FUN FRIDAY - Bubble Master!

We have said it before and we will say it again. Families that play together, stay together. So, let the games begin.

For this game you will need... 

Bubbles

Hula Hoop

Object of the Game...

Get a bubble through the hula hoop. Using only your breath. 

Here's how you play...

1. Establish a starting line. 

2. Choose someone to hold the hula hoop. They should stand about 6-8 feet away from the start line, depending on how old your players are. Older kids and adults, stand farther away. Younger, closer. You will want to hold it up so the opening is facing the start line. 

3. Choose someone to blow the bubbles. They will stand behind the start line. 

4. Everyone else will stand in between the start line and the hula hoop.

5. The bubble blower, blows bubbles. Everyone then tries to get the bubble(s) through the hula hoop. The catch, players can only use their breath to propel the bubble. They will have to carefully blow the bubbles. Working to keep them from popping on the ground and floating off course. Some players will want to be down on the ground so they can blow the bubbles up. Some will want to be on the sides of the bubbles, etc...

6. Players are not allowed to touch the hula hoop. (unless you are the one holding it up, of course).

7. As the bubbles pop, the person blowing the bubbles, keeps blowing and providing bubbles while the rest of the players carefully blow the bubbles toward the hula hoop, trying to blow them through. 

This is a fantastically fun game to play with your family. You can time yourselves and see how long it takes to get a certain number of bubbles through the hoop. You can have teams, and race. 

If you are playing with a large group, divide them up into smaller groups and have them race one another. 

This is also great for kids, big and small. Get everyone involved and be sure to take turns blowing bubbles at the start line, using your breath to move the bubbles, and holding the hula hoop.

Have fun!

What are you doing this weekend? Anything fun or exciting?

Anyone watching the BYU vs. Utah Football Game? 

Who do you want to win?

Images found via Google Images. Original links found here and here.

Mom's Best- Hot Product Giveaway!

In conjunction with a great event I was able to attend last week, we have a giveaway for a great cause. My favorite kind of giveaway!

Last week I attended the Mom's Best "Hot Product Review." Mom's Bloggers were introduced to some truly amazing products. We got to put in our two sense about the products and we even got to take a little something home with us. I was lucky enough to bring home a pair of Mocassins from Freshly Picked. They are amazing.

There were many highlights to the night. Meeting new friends, and laughing with old friends and viewing all the amazing products. But the most powerful part of the night was when we sat down to write notes to victims from the Riverside Rape Crisis Center.

Mom's Best gave all the wonderful products to the Rape Crisis Center. The things they don't need will be sold or auctioned and the money will go to the center. One thing that really helps the victims at the center heal, is a journal. We took a few moments to write notes to put inside the journals that were being donated.

What exactly do you say to someone you don't know, who is dealing with such horrible things. It was humbling to sit and write words of encouragement. It brought a new perspective to the evening and to life.

In order to raise even more awareness and more money for the Rape Crisis Center, we have a great giveaway here on Family Volley.

One of my favorite products of the night came from Jeka Tree Bloom Accessories. They make leather hand goods that are out of this world. I loved the cuffs for women, but my favorite were their little leather cuffs for girls and babies.

Jeka Tree Bloom is giving away a Flower Bracelet of your choice.

Every entry helps vicitims at the Riverside Rape Crisis Center, so Enter to help others, and for yourself.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Back to School Tips

It is hard to believe that we are getting ready to go back to school. Where did the summer go, and how can we rewind and get it back?

I never feel ready for the hustle and bustle that is about to hit and I also miss the kids when they go back to school. 

Back to school is stressful for our kids also. They worry and wonder too. It is a big adjustment and anything we can do to ease their minds will help.

Here are key things that we can do to make Back to School Better for the whole family.

First, here are 2 things just for ME and YOU.

1. Get YOUR good attitude ready.
If we have a good attitude, so will our children. No scoffs or scowls. No complaints about getting up early, or driving, or packing lunches. Be happy, excited, and talk about all the great things that come with school and learning. This also means keeping our emotions at bay. If your child is going to kindergarten and you are sad, try to keep your tears to private time. Even tears of joy worry children. You don't want your five your old to think they should stay home so you won't cry.

2. Clear OUR schedule the first week of school.
Try to clear your schedule the first week of school so that you are available for your kids. Even if they are not going to a new school, the first week is still stressful. If possible, have a lot of down time after school where you are there to listen if they need to talk. Keep your schedule free from obligations so that you are there to help.

Then...

1. Establish a sleeping and eating schedule.
For the next week, be sure that bed times and wake up times, as well as meal times follow your upcoming school schedule. First, it will keep your kids rested so that the first few days are not too overwhelming. Remember, everything is more stressful when we are tired. And it will start to condition their bodies to the new times. The meal times are really important also. It you have been eating lunch at 11 all summer, but they won't eat until 12:15 when they are at school, their little bodies will be huuuungry. Feed them at the appropriate times so they are adjusted.

2. Turn off the TV (especially in the mornings). 
Instead, have your children color, do puzzles, write stories, play games, read or read to them, etc...This will get their brains working and concentrating again. It will also help their attention spans. In a few short days they are going to have to sit and focus and self motivate. Help them start doing that now.

3. Round up the necessary school supplies.
Not only will you be ready, but kids worry about having what they need. For most kids, waiting until the last minute to pack those supplies makes them worry. Do your best to check off the supply list early this week so that your youngsters don't loose sleep over it. An added bonus...your kids won't keep asking every ten minutes when you are going to go get the school supplies because you will already have them.

4. Attend back to school night...visit the school.
This one is really important. Attend back to school night so your children can meet their teachers, see where they are sitting, and get an overall feel of how things work. While you are there, run through the library, playground, lunch room, meeting places for drop off and pick up and anything else they are curious about. Don't rush, so that your children can ask questions and get answers. They will feel much better if they know what to expect and where to go that first day. 

5. Practice.
At least once, twice if you can, take a practice run. Set the alarms, get up, go through the routine, and drive to school. See how things go and trouble shoot any problems. Maybe you need to move where you put the backpacks, or it takes a little longer to drive to school than you thought. Go through the motions and help your kids understand what has to be done each morning to be on time. If your child is going to ride a bus, practice (drive) the bus route also. Rehearse the drop off and pick up locations, and drive the route so kids know how things are going to work. 

6. Find out who else is in your child's class.
Here in Utah, class lists go up tomorrow. We will be looking to see if our kids know any of their class mates. If they do, great, explain that they already know someone. That will ease their mind. If they don't, and your children are worried, think about contacting a few of the children and maybe getting together at the park so they can meet and make friends. Then, on the first day, when they walk in, they will be surrounded by friends, not strangers.

7. Prepare the house.

Take some time before school starts to get the house ready. Designate a Drop Zone. This is a place for backpacks, coats, school papers, etc... All the things that kids like to drop on the floor right inside the door when they come home from school. Kids are much more likely to help keep things clean and organized if they know where things belong. Having a place for these everyday articles will make school go much smoother. It will make finding everything in the morning much easier and less stressful, and it will keep you from feeling like the new school year has taken over your house. 

A little preparation will go a long ways. Preparing ourselves, our families and our homes will make going Back to School a good experience for everyone. 

Are you ready for your kids to go back to school?

How do you prepare for Back to School?

(We talked about most of these tips last year too!)

FAMILY FUN FRIDAY - THE BEST Game!

Just can't say it enough, This game is really fun.

The MATERIALS will depend on what you do in your family. You can also play with no materials at all. Keep reading, you will see what I mean.

How to Play
You will want to choose a Host. Then, if your family or group is large, arrange everyone into groups. If you are smaller, then everyone can play as their own team. If you are playing with lots of people the rule stands that everyone has to participate in at least one round.

The Rules
The Host will announce the contest category for the group. (For example: "The Tallest")
Then, each group will select one person who they think will win the category.
There will be a category contest and if a person has "THE BEST" within the category, his or her team gets a point.

*if you are playing as individuals, everyone will compete in each category and the winner will get a point.*

SO this is how it would work. The Host would say "The Tallest". Then, if you are in groups, each group would pick the person they think could win "The Tallest". One person to represent the group.
Then, Once every group has their representative, or each individual is ready, The Host will then announce what has to be done. For example, with "The Tallest", then the Host could say, "The Tallest...Thumb".
Everyone playing that round would come together to see who had the tallest thumb. That person would then get a point.

Here are some category and contest examples. Use these, and add your own.

-The Tallest....THUMB
-The Fastest....CRAB WALKER
-The Highest....JUMPER
-The Longest....STARE IN A STARING CONTEST
-The Fastest....ALPHABET SONG SINGER
-The Quickest....TO BALANCE 5 DICE ON THE END OF A TOUGUE DEPRESSOR HELD IN YOUR MOUTH.
-The Farthest....MAKE A PAPER AIRPLANE AND SEE WHO'S GOES THE FARTHEST.
-The Shortest....SHOE SIZE
-The Biggest....WHO CAN BLOW THE BIGGEST BUBBLE.

As you can see, the possibilites are endless. You can make them as complicated or basic as you would like. You will find your family/group, laughing out loud.

What are you The Best at? Do you have the tallest thumb?

Have a Great Weekend!

FAMILY FUN FRIDAY - Balloon Balance!

Time to round up your family and have some fun.

Materials

Balloons

Cookie Sheets

How To Play

Gather your cookie sheets and balloons. You will want to blow up a balloon for every person. And a few extras because if your house is anything like our house, someone will pop one before the game begins. 

Divide your family or group, into two teams. 

Form two lines on one side of the room. Establish a "pick-up" line on the other side of the room. 

Place all the balloons but one (for each team), at the "pick-up" line.

At the starting line, where you have your two teams lined up, have the first person hold the cookie sheet and place one balloon on the cookie sheet. 

When you say "go" the first person has to go across the room with their balloon on the cookie sheet, WITHOUT LETTING THE BALLOON FALL OFF. Once they get to the "pick-up" line, they have to bend over, get another balloon, and carry them on the tray WITHOUT THEM FALLING OFF, back to the starting line. 

They then have to pass the cookie sheet, WITH THE BALLOONS ON IT, to the next person. The second person on each team then has to walk back across the room to the "pick-up" line, get another balloon, and carry all three back to the start line and pass the cookie sheet to the next person. 

THE GOAL: to get all the balloons on the cookie sheet and carry them back and forth without letting any of the balloons fall off. 

RULES: You decide how you want to play. You can either use your hands or other body parts to help keep the balloons in place as you walk, or you can't. Up to you. You can also change this rule, depending on who is playing. It is a good way to make things harder for older kids and adults, and easier for younger kids, so everyone can play together. 

You also decide what to do if a balloon drops. You can either make the team start over from the beginning with only one balloon. Make the person bend down and pick up the balloon and start back up where it dropped off, or make them start that lap over. You decide. 

Whichever team does it first, wins. 

Summary: Walk across, pick up a new balloon, walk back, pass the cookie sheet. Walk across, pick up another balloon, walk back, pass the cookie sheet. Never let the balloons drop. 

VARIATION 1

If you are playing with very small children, the cookie sheets might be too heavy to carry. You can use a piece of cardboard, the top of a box, the top of a small tupperware container, etc...

VARIATION 2

If your family isn't very big, or if you don't want to form two teams, you don't have too. Instead have each person play and time them. Whoever has the fastest time wins. You can also play that whoever can carry the most balloons without them falling off, wins. 

VARIATION 3

If you are playing with younger children, let them use their other hand to hold the balloons on the cookie sheet or cardboard as they walk. 

VARIATION 4

Instead of each person carrying the cookie sheets across the room AND back, each person can just carry the tray one direction, then pass the cookie sheet to the next person. If you go this route, just have the teams split up and put some of each team on either side of the room when you start. 

Have a wonderful weekend!

K.I.S.S

Since having our 4th child last year, I feel behind. Things are fine, but that is just the thing. I feel like when it comes to the house and laundry, things are just fine, I am just getting by. I can't seem to get ahead. It used to be that I got ahead, and then found a way to do more. Reorganize toys, clean out cabinets, organize too small clothes by size and season.

Not right now. I look around and there is soooo much that I need to do, I don't know where to start. I don't feel on top of the regular laundry, let alone extra time to reorganize or get ahead. Feeling behind is stressful.

I have been trying to come up with a plan to tackle the "behind-ness" and I keep going back to a conversation I had with my grandmother a few years ago.

After we had our second child I was talking to my grandma. We were standing on her driveway talking about the changes that come with two kids.

As we stood there that day she looked at me and said..."Heather, don't forget to KISS."

I was confused, KISS, what was she talking about.

"What grandma?"

"You know, KISS..." she said

Keep. It. Simple. Stupid

I laughed as she looked at me and repeated, "Heather, Keep It Simple Stupid!"

I have a smart grandma. Funny too! KISS has become my new mantra.  

Over the last 11 years of marriage and kids, we have collected things and stuff. It was all important at some point in time, but not now. There are things I have held on to, that I am ready to let go of. Slowly but surely as our family has grown and gotten busier, there is more than I can manage.

KISS applies to every aspect of our lives. We need to keep our stuff simple, or schedules simple, our relationships simple. We need to avoid surrounding ourselves with more than we can manage, taking on more than we can handle, or trying to run faster than we have energy. Otherwise, we miss out on our families, because we are so stressed managing all the "stuff".

Time to get back to basics, and keep it simple. I have been stupid long enough. 

Anyone else need to remember to K.I.S.S?

Don't Deny Their Feelings

As parents, we can make things worse with our kids instead of better when we deny how they are feeling.

Here are two examples (that I may or may not have said before.) 

Have you ever had your child say...

"Mom, I am hungry?"

Have you ever responded by saying...

"You can't be hungry, you just ate lunch"

How about when your child says...

"My shoes are hurting my feet."

And we respond with...

"No they aren't, put them back on your feet." 

Can you see the problem with both of those examples. Can't you just hear the arguments starting. 

"But mom, I am hungry." 
"You just ate, you don't need any more food."
"I know but I am still hungry!"
"I just made you dinner and you said you were full."

And on and on and on.... Arguments and temper tantrums ensue.

Funny, there was no arguing or tantrums until WE DENIED how our kids felt. 

When we are constantly denying our children's feelings it makes them mad and confused. This leads to misbehavior.
It also causes them to stop trusting their own feelings.  

We have to accept our children's feelings. It is how THEY feel. Who are we to tell them that how THEY feel is wrong? When we accept our kids, they feel more respected, more loved and there will be less power struggles because they feel validated and understood. 

Just like with adults, it isn't so much a solution kids need, as it is to be understood and accepted. 

So how can we respond?

First, we need to think about the situation from their point of view. 

Put yourself in their shoes. What if when you told your husband you were hungry, he said "no you aren't, you just ate." What if when you were 9 months pregnant you told someone your back hurt and you needed to rest, and they said..."your back doesn't hurt, you have already had 4 kids, you are used to it." What if when you were cold and wanted to wear a coat, your husband said..."you're not cold, you don't need a coat."

None of these responses would sit well with us. You can quickly see why our kids get so upset.

STOP and think about how your kids feel. When I am hot, I am miserable. I don't want to wear my coat. They are hot and miserable too.

Second, instead of trying to give advice, tell them they are wrong, or council them, respond with a simple comment...

"Really"
"Is that so"
"I see"
"Oh"
"Hmmmm"

A simple comment response works wonders. I used it today. 
Our daughter came to me to tell me about something her brother had done. She was playing with the baby and he came and took over.

Instead of counseling her, or getting on her, or telling her it wasn't a big deal, I just said, "hmmm, really?"

Guess what happened? She looked at me, said... "yes he did, he always does that". And then she ran off to play. She just wanted her feelings to be validated.

That was the end of it. If I had tried to solve the problem, figure out who was at fault, or said anything else, it would have turned into a "thing".

Remember, always accept how your children feel. It is okay to feel frustrated, hungry, mad, happy, excited and/or irritated.

Don't always accept how your kids act. Hitting, or throwing a fit because they are mad or frustrated is NOT okay.

Try this. Accept their feelings without any strings attached. You will see that it helps with the arguments and power struggles and makes for a happier household. 

Have you ever told your child they weren't hungry?

Will it be hard to hold your tongue and just say "Hmmmm?"

The Day I Got My Groove Back!

I lost my groove. I don't really know what my groove is, or exactly what I lost. I just know that over the last few years, through having kids, and some major life stresses, something has been off. An unsettled, who am I, searching for myself, feeling. No one else really knew my groove was gone. I didn't even know at first. But over time I could feel that something has been off.

A month or so ago I attended Breathing Spaces. A retreat for Bloggers. It was a great experience. In the swag bag there was an entry for The Dirty Dash. I had no idea what The Dirty Dash was, so I checked out their website and found that it is a mud race. With obstacles. 5.5 miles of mud and obstacles.

If you recall, a few weeks ago I briefly shared with you how I felt about mud and dirt and the bugs that live in mud and dirt. In case the post wasn't clear, I can't stand it.

Naturally you wouldn't think that I would sign up for a Mud Race, disliking mud and dirt and all. Maybe it was the catchy name of the race, or the bright yellow race registration card with the pig face, or the catchy music on the race video website, but one late night, I took that registration code and typed it into the registration form. I didn't really think it would work, but it did. All of a sudden I was signed up for The Dirty Dash.

I told my husband the next day and he laughed, kindly. He didn't think I would really go through with it. He knows I don't like dirt. I think that is why I did it. Because he said I probably wouldn't and didn't need to. Everyone said I probably wouldn't do it. I knew inside I needed to do something out of the ordinary that pushed me and stretched me and scared me. Something that made me dig down deep.

Side note, besides the mud, I had to run. I haven't run in years. 12 years to be exact. I used to run. Everyday. Every single day but Sundays. Religiously. Running was a part of who I was. It was therapeutic and healing. It helped me clear my mind and made me feel strong physically, spiritually and mentally. That was then.

I needed support, so I called my brother who has experience in these types of things, and who is just all around, one of the coolest guys and the best athlete I have ever seen. I wanted to know if I should expect chaffing.
You know, mud, in neither-regions. I wondered. 
Too much information? Sorry.

He loaded me up with advice and then asked who was running with me. "No one, I am running alone". He told me I couldn't do that. He said I needed to find someone to run with, or it wouldn't be any fun at all. Otherwise, he suggested I find a new friend(s) at the starting line and stick with them.

Still planning on running alone I happen to mention the race during a phone call with my closest friend. We have been friends through the most difficult of trials. She told me that she had always wanted to run a mud race and would fly out and run with me. WHAT!!! Fly out and run with me. She IS the BEST friend ever. I must tell you, she is the type of friend that no matter how bad something is, a chat with her makes everything okay. It makes all the world right.

So, long story shorter, she flew out for 48 hours and we went running and swimming in mud, together.

5.5 miles later, I was a new woman.

In the mud, next to my best girl friend, I found my groove. It was around the first 1/2 mile that I could feel it coming back. I was strong, I was confident, I was laughing like I did when I was a child. Those deep gut laughs. I was not holding anything back. We ran together side by side, we slipped and slided in mud side by side, we talked, we scaled walls and swam under cargo nets. And when we swam through two huge mud pools to cross the finish line, I was different.

It sparked something inside that I have been looking for. My groove, it was back. In full force.

It wasn't the mud, the running, or the friend. It was all three.

My friend had to go back to California, and I have not been running in mud, but I have been running, every day but Sunday's, since. I have to run early in the morning, when the house is still asleep. When school starts again I have no idea how I am going to fit it into our schedule. But for now, it has become a part of my every day life again.

Since the race that day there has been more clarity. I am more patient. My mind is clear. And there is a sense of strength and hope and faith that was growing weak. When I look in the mirror I recognize myself again. I am more comfortable with myself. I know I do hard things. But this was a different type of hard thing, and I did it.

I don't know if you have ever lost your groove?
I do know that as women and as mother's and as daughters of God, we are special. And sometimes amidst the house and diapers and dishes and husbands, we loose sight of that. We don't mean to, it just happens, secretly. It sneaks up on us.

I do know that a little individual, push yourself to the limits, laugh until you cry experience can help you find yourself again. What ever it might be for you, go try it, find it, do it. Even if it is scary. You will feel better. I promise.

And, if you happen to live in Utah, and have lost your groove. Might I suggest running in mud. Let's do it together. I have already signed up for the next race in September, because I have decided I need more regular reminders of who I am. For fear I loose my groove again.

Before the race, bright and early. Being silly.

 Showing my husband the mud on my hands. He couldn't believe it. 

 There was only a few inches between the top of the mud and the cargo net. I just didn't want it in my mouth. 

 I was just hoping I didn't loose my shoes in the mud. There was no way we would have found them. 

 There we are, right behind the dance troop. And in front of the tie-dyed. 

 This was so fun, I ran back up the hill and slide down twice. Shhh, don't tell anyone. I don't think I was supposed to do that. 

 The end of the slip and slide. You just kept sliding down the mud hill.

  

 Don't be fooled. That is not water. That is mud, mud, mud, and more mud. 

 I was happy and sad to get to the end. I wished we could have kept going.

 Mountain of mud before the finish line.

 See it, on my face? My groove, it is back baby!

 What I found inside my shoes when I took them off. Yes, the socks started out white.

They were selling hot showers for 6 dollars, instead of the ice cold showers. My friend bargained, 2 for 10. Almost felt as good as my first shower after having babies. 

Have you ever lost your groove?

How did you get it back?

DON'T MISS THE FOLLOW UP POST, WHERE I SEND YOU SOMETHING TO HELP YOU REMEMBER TO KEEP YOUR GROOVE!