Getting Your Kids To Listen To You!

(A version of this post originally aired as a guest post I wrote for TheIdeaRoom.net)

Do you have a child who doesn't listen and has to be reminded numerous times before they will do what they're asked? Of course, we all do! Every once in a while all of our children will tune us out.

When everything seems to be going in one ear and out the other, here are 6 tips for getting your words to stick.

1. Don't start talking until you have your child's attention.
Get down on their level opposed to hovering above them, expect distractions to be turned off or paused, be sure you are making eye contact, and then talk. It is also okay to ask for their attention. "Please look
2. Get to the point.
As parents we tend to use too many words and explain too much when we are talking to our children. All the extra words give our children time to tune us out. Keep it short, simple and to the point.
3. Don't repeat yourself
The first thing most of us do when our children don't listen, is to repeat ourselves. And then repeat ourselves again, and again. (Followed by telling our children we are tired of sounding like a broken record :)) Don't! Saying things over and over teaches our children they don't have to listen because they know we will say it again and they can listen another time. Stop repeating yourself and just say things one time. If they don't listen the first time, make sure you had their attention to begin with. If you feel you had their attention and they still didn't listen, then let the consequences follow. This will take some practice for us, and for our children. It is hard at first to not repeat ourselves.
4. Be Reasonable.
Put yourself in your child's shoes for a minute. Imagine if we were right in the middle of doing something important to us, or doing something we love. And all of a sudden someone came in and demanded that we immediately get up and do what they say. How would we feel? We wouldn't want to listen, we would be frustrated and irritated! It isn't any different with our children. When a child is involved in something else, be considerate with the requests. Sure there will be times when we need immediate action, but for the most part, we can think ahead and cushion our requests. Think of it as warning them about what it coming up. It gives them time to finish up what they are doing and prepare for what is next.
5. Uphold consequences
When children don't listen, we need to uphold the consequences. If we don't, then it sends our children the message that is is okay to ignore us because we won't follow through anyway. We can set general consequences that apply to not listening. Such as "If you don't listen the first time, you have to go to your room. We can set consequences that are tied to the request itself. "If you want to play outside, please finish your homework." And/or we can let the natural consequences take their course. Such as when a child doesn't get their shoes on and get in the car when asked, then they don't get to go. The key is to be clear with the consequences before hand and to make sure we follow through. Even if they come to you and say they didn't hear you. Don't back down. Just invite them to do better next time.
6. Establish Schedules
Want to save yourself the stress of constantly reminding your kids what to do before they go to bed? Create a schedule or routine and your kids wont have to be told what they need to do because they will already know. Why, because you do the same thing every night. These routines can be established for everything. Getting ready for school, what to do after school, household chores, etc... I know for our daughter, she does better when the schedule is written down. So we write down the order of what needs to be done and she refers to it when needed. Instead of constantly nagging her, I just reminder her to check her schedule.

A few simple changes to the way we talk to, and handle our children, and you should see huge improvements in their listening skills. Just remember that along with the above suggestions, we have to be good examples. When they talk to us we need to put away our distractions and listen with full intent. Children will do what we do, before they do what we say, so set a good example and they will learn from the best!

Do you ever find it hard to listen to your kids?
Do you have a chronic non-listener? How do you get through to them?

Best Tips for Parenting Teenagers - Part 1

Teenagers! Agh, a stage that every parent worries about. It can be a huge challenge to navigate these critical years in our children's lives. Our son just turned 12 this summer, and although he isn't an official "teenager" yet, we can already see changes in the way he thinks and acts. Not bad, just different. He has more need to spread his wings, find himself, and is looking to establish his self esteem. 

The teenage years are a time of huge change for our kids. They are trying to figure out who they are, what they like, and where they are going. Plus, they want to be accepted by not just us, but by their peers also. It is a time of soul searching and identity building. 

We talk a lot about infants and toddlers, but our toddlers are growing up and it is time to talk tips for our teenagers. 

Today, let's start with our first 6 tips for parenting teenagers. 

1. Don’t survive the Adolescent years, THRIVE the Adolescents years.

Stop labeling and get rid of the stereotypes. We shouldn’t expect the worst during these years. Not all teenagers become monsters. Most teenagers are great. Give them a chance. We live in a universe of attraction and what we focus on and put our energy on is what will become our reality. Focus on how great it is that you have children who are learning who they are and developing their identity.

2. Love them from the inside out.

We respond to people, primarily by how THEY feel about us on the inside, not by their behavior. As parents, we can make right choices with our teenagers, but if on the inside, we are irritated, feel they are irresponsible, disappointed in them and their decisions, then that is what they will respond to. That is actually how they will behave. We will bring out in them, the exact behavior we say we don’t like, when we see them as objects that are making our lives miserable. Praise them, compliment them stop nitpicking them.

If they know we love them, above all other things, it allows us to discipline, communicate, be honest and open, and they will accept it.

3. Communicate. It is the Golden Rule of raising teenagers.

We have to keep the lines of communication open. We have too!

There are two times when teenagers want to talk.

• When we are driving in the car with them. (Don’t have to look at one another, know there is an end so they are more likely to talk.
• Before they go to bed. (They are tired and willing to let their guard down and chat)

Be available during these times to LISTEN, and instead of telling them things, ask questions so they can discover answers on their own.

ANOTHER GREAT PLACE TO COMMUNICATE is over common activities. Find something that you and your teenager can do together AND DO IT. It takes all the stress out and you will find that while you are sharing something enjoyable, they will want to talk and open up. They feel you understand them because you both share joy for the activity.

4. Understand teenage time zones.

We need to recognize that our teenagers naturally, work in a different time zone than we do. This is not bad, or wrong, just different. We don’t get mad at people in NY because they work in a different time zone! When we ask them to do something, and they say “sure, “in a bit” or “yeah, give me a while.” Instead of being irritated because they are not doing it immediately, or on our time zone, let’s be glad they have said YES. They said YES!!! If we respect that, they will not only actually do what we have asked, but they might even do it sooner. If we know this is how they work, we can ask sooner, explain better. Instead of insisting immediately.

5. Be a Consultant, not a Manager.

Up to this point in our children’s lives, we have been the manager of their lives. We manage all the aspects.  Then, our children hit the teenager years and they fire us as their managers. So parents usually do one of two things.

• They either abandon their kids…"good luck with everything, hope you make it."
• They become extra controlling and try to force their kids to do what they want.

Neither are the right way to go. (We are trying to relive our childhood, safeguard them from what we know is out there, etc…)

Being a consultant is more about influence and less about control. Consultants share their expertise and knowledge to help attain goals and solve problems.

One way we can do this is to…

ASK, don’t tell.

When we speak to our children we need to ask them for help, ask them for their ideas and opinions, rather than telling them what we believe they should think or do.

“What do you think about that.” “How do you think we could handle that.” Etc…

This can be really hard because we have been there, we know what the future holds if certain decisions are made, or not made, but it is their time to learn for themselves. That is our job, to help them do that.

  

6. Don’t get lost in the consequences

When we are parenting teenagers, it can be very easy for us to get caught up in the consequences when our children make mistakes. Now, there does need to be consequences. Absolutely, BUT…. A few things to consider.

Consequences should fit the crime and they should have kids DO SOMETHING, opposed to taking something away. Mow the lawn, opposed to loosing their phone.

BUT it is the follow up that we as parents usually forget. AFTER the consequence, sit down with your child and ask them “was there any part of you that thought you should call home when you were going to be late for curfew”? OR, did the thought ever cross your mind that maybe you should have left earlier so you were home on time”?

They will say yes! They will, and when they do, ask them…”WHAT DO YOU THINK STOPPED YOU FROM LISTENING TO YOURSELF?” “WHAT GOT IN THE WAY OF YOU LISTENTING AND TRUSTING YOUR THOUGHTS”?

They will come up with some sort of answer. When they do, go on to explain that “you know what is right, Listen to yourself. You have all you need to make right and good decisions. “

Then, move on, don’t’ lecture. And don’t get lost in the consequence. It is over and done.

Do the teenage years worry you?
What worries you the most?
What tips can you add for parenting teenagers?

Don't miss Part 2 of our Parenting Teenagers Series. By the time we are done, you will have all you need to tackle the stage in your child life. 

 

TEEN WEEK: Raising Teens- "Age of Opportunity"

It's TEEN WEEK here on Family Volley! All week we will be talking about those tough adolescent years, with tips and tricks to not only surviving, but THRIVING! You don't want to miss it!

Just when we think the "two's" are terrible, a parent will argue that it doesn't hold a candle to a 15 year old in the middle of puberty. And with adolescence lasting longer than ever before, it's time to give this stage of life more attention.

To kick off Teen Week I want to introduce you to the best book I have read on the subject. If you have a teen, know a teen, will have a teen one day, or work with teens, you need to read "Age of Opportunity" by Laurence Steinberg.

The book, filled with years of research and findings, clearly explains how the adolescent brain works, which is a necessary place to start if we want to know how to parent them during those years. Steinberg explains that most of our understanding about adolescents are incorrect and gives us the truth about this time in life. By the time you are done, you will have a wonderful understanding of teenagers, how they work, why they do the things they do, and what you need to do to help them become successful adults. Not to mention what we should do in the heat of raising them when we don't think we can survive one more day.

There are solid reasons to be concerned about our adolescents.

• American adolescents continue to underperform teens from many industrialized countries that spend a lot less on schooling. 
• The US once boasted one of the the world's highest college graduation rates. It now doesn't even make the top 10.
• One in 5 American high-school seniors abuses alcohol at least twice a month. 
• Nearly one third of young women in the US will get pregnant at least once by age twenty. The US leads the industrialized world in teen pregnancies and STD's and ranks near the top in adolescent abortions.
• In 2011, nearly one-third of the women who gave birth had never been married.
• Twenty percent of all high-school-aged boys in American take prescription medication for ADHD
• Adolescent obesity is three times more common now than it was in the 1970's.

The findings go on and on. All leading to the understanding that American teenagers are among the world's most miserable. (Steinberg, 2014)

You will not only find solid research, but solutions.

As we head into Teen Week, here are a few understandings that you need to start with. Keep these as your foundation. The rest of the week will build on, and add to them. By the time we are done, you will have a game plan to use for your teenager.

First, adolescents is just as important as the early years in terms of the potential impact of experiences on the brain. A teenagers brain is plastic (Steinberg, 2014). It can be altered by experience. What happens during these crucial years will affect the rest of their lives.

Second, children are maturing earlier than ever before. As parents, we have to be prepared before they are.

Third, we want to be authoritative parents. Demonstrating a good mix of warmth, firmness, and support.

Forth, we can't love our children too much. There is no harm in telling them we love them EVERY day, in showing affection to them every day, in praising them every day.

Those four truths will be the foundation for all we do here during Teen Week. Get ready to take some notes so you can strengthen the relationship with your adolescent.

If you want to get your hands on the "Age of Opportunity" (and you do), you can find it on Amazon, IndieBound, and Barnes and Noble.

What is the hardest part about raising a teenager?

Back To School Time Capsule (With Printable)

Here from Studio 5, looking for the Printable? Just scroll down and you will run right into it!

Today is our children's first day of the new school year. We have had a great summer, although way to short, and the kids are ready for school to start. I am glad they are so excited. 

This is a big year for the kids, but also for us as parents. Our son will be starting 7th grade. Yikes! Junior High School? Were those years really good for anyone? On top of that, he will be attending junior high at the local high school. Not part time, but full time, just like if he was in 10th grade. I am nervous for what he will be exposed to. High school is a very big place for a barely twelve year old. Fingers crossed we have done our part to prepare him.Our 9 year old daughter is starting 4th grade. She is in a French emersion program and spends half the day speaking English and the other half of the day speaking French. No English allowed. She has loved it up to this point and am guessing, that although I took a lot of French in high school, she has the potential to pass me up this year. 

Our 6 year old is going to be in 1st grade. That means she is starting the French program also and will be in school all day. I don't know what I am going to do without her around during the day.

I am going to miss them. A lot. 

With all the changes, and the fact that I feel like I can't keep up with how fast our kids are growing up, we decided a few years ago to start documenting all the fun changes that take place each school year. The Back to School Time Capsules will help you keep track of your children's growth, without taking a lot of time or resources. And your kids will love it. Don't worry if school has already started. There is plenty of time and your kids will still be very willing.

The idea is to document the small things about your child that will change over the next school year. Things like height, weight, likes and dislikes, even handwriting. 

You don't need much.

A container

Rope or string or ribbon

Paper

Pens/Pencils

Camera

First...decide what you want each child to keep their capsule in. Mason jar, #10 Can, She Box, anything will work. 

HEIGHT

Have your child stand up against a wall and lightly mark how tall they are. THEN...take your rope/string/ribbon and stretch it the length of your measurement. Cut the string to the right height length, and put it in your time capsule. They will love getting it out at the end of the school year and seeing how tall they have grown. 

WEIGHT

Write down how much your child weights. If you don't know, don't worry, skip this one.

LIKES/DISLIKES

On a piece of paper, have your child write down the following... 

favorite color

favorite meal

favorite fruit

favorite vegetable

favorite activity

least favorite food

favorite TV show

favorite movie

favorite book

favorite subject in school

favorite friend

favorite snack

favorite shirt/pants/shoes

favorite toy

You get the point. Add your own to the list. 

Here is a Printable you can use for your own Back To School Time Capsules. Simply click on the picture, download, and print out one copy for each of your kids. 

GOALS

Have your child write down 3 goals they have for this school year. At the end of the year you can see if they accomplished those goals. 

HANDWRITING

Have your child write their name. For even more fun. Have them write it on a piece of paper/chalkboard/whiteboard and then take of picture of them holding the piece of paper up. This way you will have a picture of them and see what their writing was like. It will be fun to see how their writing has changed at the end of the school year.

TRACE HANDS/FEET

Trace your children's hands. Include the tracing in the capsule. Your kids will love to see how their hands have grown. We like to include feet also. 

PICTURE

If you took a picture of your child holding up their name, then you can use that as your picture. If not, you probably took a picture the first day of school. Add a picture to the time capsule and you are set. If you are not really great at getting pictures from your camera/phone to the print shop, you can always wait until the school pictures come home and add one of those to the time capsule. 

Once you have everything filled out and gathered, put it in your container of choice and seal it up. Bury them in the backyard, put them on a high shelf, under the bed, anywhere. Just tuck them away until the end of school, or the beginning of the next school year. 

It will be so fun to have a special BACK TO SCHOOL PARTY next year when we open them up and see how the kids have grown and changed. And then start the tradition all over again for the new school year. 

THE ULTIMATE GOAL

We have decided that we are going to do this every year until they graduate from high school. Each new school year, as we go through last years contents to see the kids growth and development, I take the contents of the capsules and put them in a regular old legal size envelope. I hole punch the envelopes and put them into a three ring binder for storage. Each child has their own binder, and that is all we have to store until they leave for college or get married and want to take their time capsules with them. What a great way to quickly and simply document all the growth and development that is happening. 

Simple, fun, and memorable. It doesn't get better than that. 

How do you keep your memories?

How do you ring in the new school year?

Anyone have kids in an emersion program? What language are they learning?

 

Are you an Overly Protective Parent?

Do you constantly monitor your kids every move. Is the day filled with warnings and cautions, "be careful" and "don't touch that"?

Naturally, we worry about our children and don't want anything bad to happen to them. But... being overprotective is not the best route to take. In fact, it actually does more harm than good. When we overprotect our kids we keep them from learning the key skills they need to handle the challenges they will face in life and keep them from becoming self sufficient adults. 

This week I had a chance to talk "Overprotective Parenting" on Studio 5 with Brooke Walker. 

Want to know if you are an overprotective parent? 

Want to know how to stop overprotecting your kids?

Take a few minutes and watch the segment. I share the key to knowing if you are overprotective and some great tips for not being too overprotective. It's a good reminder for all of us. 

6 Tips For Helping Your Children Make Healthier Food Choices.

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of the Facts Up Front program.

My husband and I are always trying to make healthy food choices for our family. As the primary cook in our home, I feel like it is my responsibility to help our children develop healthy food habits and positive feelings towards food. But, it can be really hard.

After my daughter asked why I was “reading the back of the box” while grocery shopping not too long ago. I showed her how to read labels. She thought it was fun, but had a hard time with all the info and the small print. While reading a cereal box during breakfast, she pointed out that the box nutrition info on the front that was much easier for her to understand.

And that was the first I heard about Facts Up Front. Facts Up Front aims to help families (consumers) make informed choices about food, by putting the nutrition information on the front of the packages where it is much quicker and easier to read.

I have noticed that since our kids have started paying attention to nutrition labels and especially the Facts Up Front, they are much more conscious about the food choices they make. I have loved the quick reference it provides me as I am working to make wise choices for our family. 

Here are 6 tips for helping your kids make healthier food choices. I hope they help your and your family.

 1. Stop restricting Food. Restricting food, leads to a higher chance of eating disorders and negative feelings towards food. It can also promote binge eating and sneaky eating. When kids do get their hands on the restricted food, they tend to overeat it, and even sneak around to get it. We are friends with a family that doesn’t allow one drop of sugar in their home. No candy, cookies, not a single sweet of any kind. Recently, their 6 year old has been stealing candy from his friends, and hiding it under his pillow to eat at night when no one is around. This can be a result of banning, or restricting food. Instead, talk about healthy food choices and don’t loose site of moderation. Teach kids to look for the Facts Up Front label on food for a quick look at what foods are healthy for their bodies.

 2. Don’t use food as a reward. Argh, this one can be so hard as parents. It seems to make things so much easier to be able to bribe with a lollipop, or promise a treat if our daughter does well on her spelling test. But, using food as reward often leads to weight problems, as our children get older. Instead of using food as a reward, reward with fun active things like going for a bike ride, or having a play date outside with friends.

 3. Don’t label food as “good” and “bad”. Labeling food as good or bad teaches our kids to feel guilty as they get older about the choices they make with food. Stop labeling and start teaching. Teach your children how food affects their participation in the activities they like and how it makes their bodies function and feel. This will teach them to make decisions based on what is best for their own bodies. And use words like healthy and unhealthy instead of good and bad.

 4. Stop constantly pointing out unhealthy food choices our children make. Instead of always pointing out the unhealthy choices our kids are making, praise the healthy choices. And don’t hesitate to suggest healthier choices like pretzels over potato chips and fruit over candy. Need help figuring out what food choices are best for your family? Take the Interactive Nutrition Quiz.

 5. Let kids choose. It is empowering when we get to make our own choices. It lets us feel like we are in control. We make so many of the daily choices for our children. When they sleep, what they get to do, what they get to put in their mouths. It can be stifling to them. So, let them make some of their own choices. Before a meal, explain that you are going to have a vegetable, and then let them choose between carrots and green beans. Simply letting them choose will make them more likely to eat the veggie. We tend to own our choices and follow through with things when we are the ones deciding. When your children choose healthy foods they like, serve those more often.

 6. Eat dinner together as a family. This one is really important. Children who eat dinner with their parents are less likely to make unhealthy food choices and are also less likely to engage in delinquent behavior. If you want to read more about the power of family dinners, check out this post. You can also use the Shopping and Meal Planning Tips on the Facts Up Front website to help your family overcome common obstacles for getting from the grocery store to the family dinner table. If you are not eating dinner together now, this can seem overwhelming. Start slow with twice a week and then increase until you are sitting down together as many nights as possible. Utilize resources like the Facts Up Front recipe section for help with what to cook your family.

 The Facts Up Front label is becoming much more prevalent in grocery stores around the country. Go on a little scavenger hunt and have your kids see how many products they can find with the new labels. Couple that with the six tips above and start talking about good nutrition with your kids today.

 This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of the Facts Up Front program.

Bringing Books to Life with Netflix #StreamTeam

As a Netflix Ambassador, it is really fun to be able to share the exciting things that Netflix is doing each month. This month is all about bringing books to life on the big screen, and our family had a blast reading and watching together.

Here's what we did. Each of our kids looked at the Netflix list of movies based on books.

"13 Great Titles Based on Children's Books on Netflix" 

Our eleven and a half year old son choose to read "Hugo." Our 8 year old daughter choose "Charlotte's Web." She even read my original copy that I read when I was a young girl. Our 5 year old daughter choose "The Little Engine that Could", and our 2 year old wanted in on the action and choose "The Very Hungry Caterpillar."

The plan was that when they were done reading their book, we would sit down as a family and watch the movie version of the book together. Family movie watching complete with popcorn and treats. 

We had so much fun talking about how the movies where similar and different from the books. 

These are books that many of us grew up reading ourselves. 

This time of year, when our families are working to spend more time together, these Netflix movies are a great resource. Regardless of if you watch TV a lot, or a little. There are so many ways to use Netflix at your house. 

p.s Next on the "to watch list" is Babysitter's Club. Did any of you grow up reading that series of books? They were my favorite! Especially the "Summer Specials" because the books were always longer. I still have all of my old books. Just waiting for our daughter to get a little bit older so she can start reading. 

Big Kids 1.Hugo 2.Escape to Witch Mountain NEW! 3.James and the Giant Peach 4.The Baby-Sitters Club 5.Goosebumps 6.A Wrinkle in Time Little Kids 1. Charlotte's Web NEW! 2.The Velveteen Rabbit 3.The Very Hungry Caterpillar and Other Stories 4.The Magic School Bus 5.The Little Engine That Could 6.Stuart Little 2 7.Tall Tales: The Man Who Walked Between the Towers, The Snowy Day, I Stink! and Trashy Town

Talking to your children about Bullying using Netflix #StreamTeam

One of the most common questions that I receive from parents is "how do I help my child deal with a bully"?

It can be tough to know how to talk to our children about the topic. We don't want to scare them, but at the same time we need to educate and empower them.

Don't know how to start the conversation? Let Netflix help. You might not think of Netflix as a resource when talking to your children about this tough topic. But in honor of National Bullying Prevention Month they have put together an amazing list of movies to help you start the bullying discussion with your children, regardless of their age.

Remember, kids learn in different ways, and in this new age, technology can be a powerful way to get the conversation started. Your children will be able to relate to the movies and it will give you a great foundation for starting difficult but important conversations.

For smaller children...show them that there is a hero in all of us.

Little Kids
1. Hercules
2.Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius
3.Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes
4.Spy Kids: All the Time in the World
5.Justice League Unlimited
6.Ben 10: Alien Force


If you have older children...show them real and relevant stories about kids who fight back.

Big Kids
1. Bully
2.The War
3.Billy Elliott
4.The Fat Boy Chronicles
5.Cyber Bully

Watch the movies together and start asking questions. Here are a few that can be applied to all the movies

How do you think he felt when that happened?
What would you do if you were in the same situation?
How could you have helped her?
Do any of those things ever happen to you at school?
Do you know what it means to be bullied?
Do you know what to do if you are ever bullied?

Choose movies and ask questions appropriate to your child's age and understanding.

It is also important that as parents we know the warning signs of bullying. As well as what we can do  to help our children.

Warning Signs of Bullying

• Unexplained Injuries
• Lost or destroyed clothing, book, electronics, etc.
• Frequent headaches and/or stomach aches, faking illness and feeling sick
• Changes in eating habits, like skipping meals or eating a lot. (Kids coming home from school hungry might mean they didn't eat lunch)
• Trouble Sleeping
• Bad Dreams
• Poor grades
• Not wanting to go to school
• Loss of friends
• Disinterested in social situations
• Decreased self esteem
• Running away from home
• Harming themselves
• Talking about harming themselves

 Read this past FamilyVolley post for more tips on what can be done to help our children. 

Have your children ever been bullied?

What do you, or have you told your child about bullying? 

I am a member of the Netflix Stream Team. All thoughts and opinions are my own. 

6 Tips to Prepare for Braces

This is a sponsored post. But all thoughts and opinions are mine. Boy do I wish they had Invisalign when I had braces. 

Our two oldest children are almost 11 and 8. Needless to say we are having to grow and adjust with their new developmental phases. We have gone through our first maturation class, my husband and I are not the only ones who wear deodorant in the house, and we make monthly visits to the orthodontist.

I recall these stages in my own life. Maturation class scared the living begeebers out of me. (I don't even know if begeebers is a word. Probably not). Deodorant made me feel grown up, and braces made me feel vulnerable, ugly and made my mouth hurt. But now in hindsight I am grateful for all three, every day.

My mouth was filled with braces for 2 years. They came off when I was 16 and I can still remember how my mouth ached when they were tightened and how smooth and slimy they were when they came off.  I have always loved turkey sandwiches. I remember trying to eat one for the first time with braces. It was horrible and the bread and turkey jammed behind each bracket. I didn't eat another turkey sandwich for two years. It was the first thing I put in my mouth when I got them off.

Our son has already had his first round of braces. He will have to have another round, full mouth, in a few years. Our daughter will be going in to get her first set of braces in the next two months.

Between my braces, my husband, who had braces after we were married, and now our kids, I have had some experience. Here are some helpful tips if you or your children are thinking about braces.

Braces are a commitment
Whether you are going with traditional braces or new technology like Invisalign, braces are a commitment. For parents and for children. Help your children understand the commitment that is being made before you move forward. My husband and I chatted before he got his braces, and then the two of us sat down with our son and talked about the time and energy that go into braces. We talked through the hygiene commitments, the need to keep appointments and how certain foods needed to be cut out of diets. We also talked about the monetary commitment. The conversation gave my husband and our son a chance to ask lots of questions, express concerns, and better understand the commitment. I even had a friend in high school who had to sign a contract with her parents and orthodontist before she got her braces. Whether you write up a contract or not, sit down and discuss that braces don't just magically take care of themselves.

Educate yourself about all your options
When I got braces, there was just one choice. Braces. Metal mouth and all. Now there are lots of different options. Invisalign is a new alternative to braces and even offers options for pre-teens and teens. The system uses a series of clear aligners made of lightweight plastic that sit smoothly on the teeth. They are comfortable and as effective as traditional braces. Plus, there are no food restrictions, they make it easy to maintain healthy brushing and flossing habits, they don't interfere with sports or other activities, and you can straighten your teach there are no metal wires or brackets to break. Kids can even remove the trays when they eat, brush, or floss. Where was Invisalign when I got braces?

Let them know what to expect
Be sure you take time to talk to your children about what to expect. Don't trick them. Braces do hurt a bit. Not always, but when they get tightened. Explain what it will feel like and what they can do to help. Explain food restrictions, what will happen at appointments, and how to protect their mouths in sports and activities.

Help them understand the end result
Braces take time. The end result is usually years away. Help them see the long term.

Be ready to help
Your children will need help with their braces. They will need help flossing, tightening things, even brushing and dealing with pokey wires and brackets that rub on sensitive gums. Prepare yourself to be okay with the "hands on". And let your kids know that you will always be there to help.

Don't complain about what they can't eat
I have heard parents that complain about the things their family can't eat because someone has braces. This just makes our kids feel bad. Don't do it. And don't buy all the tempting treats that have to be given up and keep them in the house, or let the rest of the family eat then while the one with braces can't.

Braces seem to be a right of passage for our children. With some preparations and good communication, we can make the experience a good one for our children and families.

What food did you miss the most when you had braces?
Anyone use Invisalign?

If you want to know more about Invisalign, you can visit their website, follow them on Facebook and catch up with them on Twitter.

This is a sponsored post. All thoughts and opinions are mine.

Encouraging Our Children To Practice

Do your kids participate in extra curricular activities? Piano, soccer, violin, baseball etc...

Is it hard to get your kids to practice? Do they complain and whine, do they want to quit?

You are not alone. Getting our kids to practice can bring major stress, arguments and contention into our homes.

The first thing to remember is that practicing does more for our children than just make them better on the piano, or at soccer. Practicing teaches our children valuable life skills.

Self confidence
Self discipline
Time management
Priorities
Goal setting
Follow through
Accountability to others and to themselves
Builds relationships
...just to name a few

We need these qualities throughout our lives. Long after the soccer games and piano practice have ended.

Given that most of us are probably dealing with this on a daily basis, let's talk about some of the commonly asked questions when it comes to our kids and practicing.

Getting our kids to practice can be really frustrating. For parents there can be a fine line between encouraging and pushing too hard.

Can parents push too hard?
Yes, if we are pushing because we have our own agenda. Then we are pushing too hard. If we are pushing and our kids are miserable and not having any fun, then we are pushing too hard.

Realize that if we are going to push our kids, then we need to be willing to be more creative to help our children enjoy the practice and activity. 

What about bribes. Is it ever okay to bribe?
This can be tricky, but we want to try and stay away from using bribes, OR threats of punishment to get our children to practice. Remember, these experiences during our childhood are life experiences that are preparing them for the the rest of their lives. Bribery teaches our kids to only do something IF they get something in return. Bribes undermine the character building and internal motivation that activities can foster. Bribery is probably not on our list of life skills we want our children to learn. :)

Instead of "I will buy you a new toy if you practice the violin", we want our kids to practice the violin because it is the good and right thing to do. Because they are learning a valuable talent and fulfilling commitments to themselves and their teacher, and to us as parents.

To do this, focus on rewards and incentives, instead of bribes.

• don't talk about the gift or treat before, but instead present it AFTER practicing has been done. 
• don't reward for every practice.
• focus on setting goals and once they are met, celebrate. These can be daily, weekly, or monthly depending on what your child needs. 

What do we do when our kids want to quit?

When our kids want to quit, don't immediately let them throw in the towel.

Understand that kids usually want to quit because there is a problem. Try to identify why your child is unhappy in the activity. Could the activity be too hard, could it be that they don't feel like they have any friends on the team, are they over-scheduled, or maybe they don't like the teacher/coach, or would rather do other things.

• First, acknowledge their feelings. It is how THEY perceive things and the feelings are real to them. (Responding with "really", or, "is that so" will help them feel validated)
• Then, ask key questions to gather information..

I thought you liked soccer, what has changed?

What part of baseball are you struggling with?

What solution do you think would make you enjoy piano again?

• Remember to BE PRESENT. Whether it is soccer or piano, Attend practice whenever possible. You will learn a lot about their true feelings. Often times just attending practices will fix the problem. Kids don't like being "sent off" to practice. Even with piano. You don't have to sit at the piano with them, but sit in the same room when they practice. You can read, get on the computer, etc... Comment every now and again on what they are doing. It really does make a difference with practicing. We can't always attend everything. Especially when we have more than one child, or work, but we can do our best to be at practices whenever possible. 

We learned this with our son. He was fighting against piano practice. So, instead of sending him to the piano to practice alone while I made dinner in the kitchen, I sat in the same room with him. It made a huge difference. We also changed to practicing in the morning instead of after school when he was tired. Within a week, the whining and crying stopped.

Lots of time our kids will complain about going to practice, but once they get there they love it and come home and talk about it for the next two hours. This is a pretty good sign that they DON'T need to quit, but address a problem instead.

We went through this with our daughter. She complained on the way to dance every week. Tears and all, but she would always bounce out of dance, so happy she went, already talking about the next week. And then she would come home and practice dancing in the kitchen all night. 

I knew she loved dance and didn't need to quit, but why all the complaining? I asked her what we could do so she would enjoy dance again. She said she needed a break after school. 

I was picking her up from school and immediately taking her to dance on Tuesdays. As a 6 year old, going from a full day of school, to dance was too much. She didn't really want to quit, we just needed to find a way for her to unwind in between. I made some changes so when I picked her up, even though we were still in a hurry, she could relax. 

I was having her change her clothes in the car first. I switched and let her eat a snack, drink, ...first... and instead of snacking and eating in the car while driving, we ate on the grass and she changed in the school bathroom. It changed everything. These small changes stopped the complaining. 

If after asking the questions and observing, you conclude that your kids are in physical or psychological trouble, meaning that they are really, truly, unhappy with the activity, and stopping feels right...

1. It is okay to have them finish out what they have committed to. Finish out the season etc... This teaches them to follow through on their commitments and if it is a team activity, that they have a responsibility to other people. It will give children a sense of accomplishment also. 

2. Find something else that better fits their interest and personality.

Don't loose sight of the big picture. We are helping our children develop life skills. Skills they need forever. These skills are bigger than if they sat at the piano for 20 minutes or 30 minutes. Plus, they are making memories. Do we want their memories to be filled with arguing and stress, or positive experiences and fun?

Getting our children to practice can be difficult and stressful. But, if we will work to make it fun and be open to our children's thoughts and feelings, we can solve the problems and know when to let them stop, and when to help them push through. 

Do your kids complain about practicing?

Do you believe in making your kids finish what they start?