Tired of the "High Road"

As a kid I was always taught to "take the high road." You know.... the high road. It's the road you take when someone offends you or hurts your feelings. (Let me clarify, It is not being a pushover.)

For example. If my husband comes home and says something that might feel a little insensitive, instead of holding it against him for a week, or saying something hurtful back to him, I think..."he has had a long week, he didn't mean it that way, he is tired, he has a lot on his mind, he loves me and would never hurt me on purpose...etc." You know... the high road.

I believe in the high road. I know it is a Christ like way to be. I hope that people will take the high road with me because I am sure I say and do things that could be interpreted different than they are meant. I never mean to offend. Besides, who am I to judge. I have no place.

The high road helps me avoid judging, avoid holding grudges, and gives others the benefit of the doubt. All good things. It takes energy and effort to hold grudges. There are better places I can put my energy and effort. My husband and I are trying to teach our kids to take the high road. Especially with one another.

Here's the thing. I believe in the high road, but, ...sometimes I get tired of it. Really tired of it. Does that sound bad?

Last week my feelings were hurt by someone. Someone I am (or at least used to be) very close to. No, I am not talking about my husband. :) I will spare you the details, not necessary. My feelings were hurt so bad, it would have hurt less if they would have just punched me in the face. I spent all day trying to take the "high road." I thought about their situation, what they were going through, tried to be sympathetic and understanding. I kept trying to put myself in their shoes.

BUT... Underneath it all, I wanted to call them, tell them where to go and how to get there. I wanted to tell them that if they wanted to have a relationship then things had to change. I wanted them to know that I would not just be sitting around to welcome them, once they got things straightened out. I actually wanted to get on a plane and tell them those things face to face. I couldn't tell which was worse, the hurt I felt, or the anger I felt. I was tired of "rising above it." I wanted to throw the high road right out the window. Surely for all the times I have taken the high road, I was entitled to get mouthy at least once, right?

There was internal turmoil between what I knew was right, and what I wanted to do. Do you ever feel that way?

Over the last few days I have tried to forgive and move past the incident. I can't imagine what this person is dealing with in their life right now. I know they are doing the best they know how. I know (or at least am hoping) that they wouldn't hurt me on purpose.

My husband and I were talking about the situation. He reminded me of a phrase we heard over and over during General Conference a few weeks ago.

"Charity Never Faileth"

At first I fought the saying in my mind. "Yes it does", I thought. Charity fails. I feel like I have been showing charity toward this person and the situation for a looooong time, and nothing has changed. I don't see charity changing anything any time soon either. 

Then, like a breath of fresh air, It dawned on me. Showing Charity to other people will never fail. Things might not change, relationships might not get better now, or during this life, BUT regardless... there will come a day when I am judged. I will be judged for my actions and my thoughts. It is then that "Charity will never faileth". It is then that I will be grateful for the times I took the high road, and despair over the times when I didn't. It is then that the Lord will show mercy for all of my weaknesses and my shortcomings. When I am judged, the times when I have shown charity will never have failed me. 

I was reminded that I don't get to choose when to forgive or rise above, or take the high road. I am required to take the high road, always. My salvation depends on it.

A humbling reminder that I shouldn't ever get tired of the high road, because the high road is always the right road.

Are you ever torn between what you know is right and what you want to do?

Note to Self...Each One is Different

Don't let the similar faces fool you...They are complete opposites. 

My husband and I have spent the last two hours talking about our kids. This isn't unusual. We have sat and talked about our kids since we met, before our kids were born. Lately though, our conversations have changed. There is less talk about "the kids". Instead the conversations are very child specific.

We usually start with the youngest. She has the least complicated life. After all, she is only two. Then we go up from there. It takes time because although they carry the same genes, they are very different. This becomes more and more apparent as they grow.

They have their own strengths and weaknesses.
They have their own hopes and dreams.
They have their own understandings and confusions.
They have their own struggles and temptations.

They need attention for different things, and they need us to recognize them in different ways. 

They need to be loved the same but different.

As parents, for us to be successful, we continue to realize how individual our actions need to be. Lumping our kids together means we are missing out on what they need and how they need it.

Being a parent is a catch twenty two. Developing an ability to see what your family needs as a whole, while seeing each individual family member as an individual takes work, and faith, and patience. It takes discernment and insight.

It takes a lot of those late night, long conversations where you think and think and pour your heart out about your kids.

You see yourself in each of them. Good and bad. You want them to have experiences, but you want to spare them pain.

Above it all you want them to be happy, to know who they are, what they believe in, and that you love them more than words can ever, ever begin to describe.

You want them to know that it is their differences that you love as much as their similarities.

ARE YOUR KIDS DIFFERENT?
WHAT DO YOU LOVE ABOUT YOUR KIDS DIFFERENCES?

Sharks. Piranhas, and Alligators.

This has been running through my mind a lot lately.

I want to tell you a story my father used to tell me when I was young. It is a story about a king. He was the king of a very small country, and he was a good king. 

He decided to have a contest to see who could swim the length of his Olympic size swimming pool. The winner would receive half of the king’s treasure.  

He invited everyone in his kingdom to come to his house. Everyone was so excited until they got there, only to find that the pool was filled with sharks, piranhas and alligators. 

Several days went by and no one was willing to take the king’s challenge. On the fourth day, all of a sudden there was a huge splash. Everyone turned to see a man swimming with all his might across the pool. 

The whole kingdom cheered him on as he made it through the sharks. The man continued to swim as the piranhas nipped at him until finally he had made it through the alligators. He threw himself up on the side of the pool out of breath and exhausted. 

The king was quickly at his side. 

Congratulations, the king said, now you will be rich. The man continued to catch his breath. 

The king looked at the man again waiting for a response and asked what do you have to say about your new treasure? The man still out of breath looked up at the king and said, 

King, half of your treasure is great, but what I really want to know is WHO PUSHED ME IN?

Have you ever felt like the man in the swimming pool? I know that I have. We we didn’t ask for the sharks, piranhas and alligators, it seems that someone has pushed us in and now we have to give it all our might to get through the trials and tribulations we are faced with. We have to exercise our faith and know that not only will the swim end but we will be spiritually wealthier because of the challenge. And, We are promised all our King has when the journey is through. 

We have all been faced with trials and uncertainties in our lives, and I am sure we will be faced with many more. It's what we do when we are pushed in that determines what we are made of. We are so blessed. We just need to remember that This too shall pass. 

Anyone ever felt like SOMEONE PUSHED THEM IN?

Something I learned in the POURING DOWN RAIN!

Jordan River

As I mentioned yesterday, I spent the last 4 days in a tent, away from home, in the pouring down rain. Not just light sprinkles, I mean flash flood rains. Why did we stay in that rain you ask? Well, when you have planned an"experience" for 200 youth, you usually stay. I accepted that as a youth, I now accept that as a leader.

This type of challenge reminds you of things.
There are the obvious things. Gratitude for family, shelter, warm food, dry clothes, conveniences, cell phone connections, hot showers, etc.

This time I was reminded of another lesson. One I often forget. Bear with me for just a minute.
You see this conference was based on a story in the Bible. The story of Joshua. Joshua was a prophet and he had to get his followers across the Jordan, a river that was large and at the time overflowing its banks. Impossible to cross. God told Joshua that if the priests (religious leaders) would put their feet in the water that he would cause the water to "heap up behind them", and dry land would appear so that they could cross the river. If I were with Joshua and his people I would have had my own thoughts.

"I know, how about you show me some dry land and THEN I will be happy to stick my foot in."

The priests did as they were asked. They went to the edge of river, put their feet in, and as promised the water "heaped up behind them" and dry land appeared. Joshua and is followers crossed. An estimated 2 million people.

There are many lessons to be learned from this story of Joshua and the Jordan. For me, there is one that will not leave my head. You see, God asked Joshua and his religious leaders to WALK TO THE EDGE OF THE LIGHT AND THEN TAKE A FEW STEPS INTO THE DARKNESS, THEN THE BLESSINGS WOULD COME.

They had to willing to put their feet into the unknown dark cold water BEFORE the blessings could be theirs. It really hit me this past week, as I was trying to "herd" youth through real rivers caused by the storm, that I am not always willing to take those first few steps into the darkness. I want to see the dry land first and then I will venture out. I want to know where the decisions will lead before I commit to making them. I have been wondering how many blessings I have denied myself, how many opportunities I have missed, because I have not been willing to take those steps.

Regardless of if you believe in the Bible, or the story of Joshua, or God for that matter, there are plenty of modern day examples of men and women who have been willing to take those first few steps into the unknown. Think of explorers and inventors for starters. What about when we decided to bring a child into the world, or when we support the decisions our spouses make, or trust in others advice and guidance.

I am not looking to discover the new world. I am simply trying to serve and love my family and my God, raise moral children, and become one with my husband. Even though my decisions might not change history, my decisions affect our families history. My daily rivers can often seem wide and overflowing.

I was able to get some sleep last night, play with my children today, and I have feeling back in all my fingers and toes. Above that, I feel stronger and more in control. I have decided I am not going to let fear keep me from taking those steps into the darkness. I know that there are great blessings and opportunities for my family and for myself if only I will be willing to step first. The obstacles will be "heaped up behind me" and the land will be made dry. I will be able to walk to the other side where the treasure awaits.

ARE THOSE "FIRST" STEPS HARD FOR ANYONE ELSE?

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