Maturation, Communication, and "The Secret to Happy Families"

Tomorrow our son attends Maturation. Yep, 5th grade Maturation. Do any of you have kids who have already been there and done that?

I remember when I had to attend maturation. My parents rarely went out of town when we were kids. But this particular time, they happen to be in England for two weeks. My great-grandparents came to watch us. I had to bring the permission slip home to my great grandmother for a signature if I wanted to attend. It took me three days to bring the subject up with her. I didn't know if I wanted to go or not. I just remember tears and stress because I didn't want her to go with me, but I didn't want to go alone. I just wanted my mom.

I ended up attending the class alone, and everything worked out just fine. I realize in hindsight there was one main reason things worked out. My parents had already started the conversation with me about maturing and the birds and the bees. When they came home from the trip, we sat down again and continued the conversation.

My husband had a completely different experience. His mom told him some false information, in order to avoid talking about touchy subjects. As young kids do, he believed her. One day while having a conversation with his friends, the topics came up and my husband told his friends what he "knew". They laughed at him and told him he was wrong. He defended his mom insisting she was right, until another parent stepped in, to set the record straight. My husband was so embarrassed! Needless to say the experience violated trust and affected future conversations and experiences between the two of them.

We all talk to our children every day. But talking to them is so much more than conversations about schedules and sibling conflict. Successful communication means we are having a series of talks. We are starting conversations that continue over weeks, months, even years, in preparation for what they might face, and what life will have in store.

This doesn't just apply to difficult topics like "maturation." This can apply to everything.

Talking also means telling stories about ourselves. Positive stories that help teach our children, and help them relate to us.

Growing up, my dad always told us stories about when he was growing up. He used stories to relate to us, teach us, and inspire us. I LOVED it. I think about his stories often and appreciate that he tells them to our children. They are being passed down through the generations and continue to bond us together through the ages. It seems that most, if not all the lessons and principles I was taught as a child, were taught through stories.

My husband and I took a challenge not too long ago to work harder to share more personal stories with our children.

Inspired by the thoughts of Bruce Felier in his new book, "The Secrets of Happy Families" we have set out to create a family narrative in our home so our children know our family history and know more about us. We have tried to focus on stories about our successes, and how we have overcome setbacks and challenges.

Last month when our son brought his maturation permission slip home, we sat down to chat. With a renewed dedication to our family narrative, I told our son about the experience I had with my great grandparents when I was in the 5th grade.

We laughed a lot and he gave me that shy funny look he delivers where his eyes go up and his mouth turns down. I told him how I was able to over come a difficult situation.

Our children want to know about us. They want to hear our stories. They find strength in being able to relate to us and find similarities. It is comforting when they can realize that we were kids once too!

We have seen our family relationship strengthen as we have worked harder to weave stories into our conversations and communication. It is a good challenge for all of us.

Tips to having your own "conversations".

• Start early. Open the lines of communication when they are very young so they always know you can talk together about everything. Children will be prepared when situations arise and we won't feel like we are always playing "catch up" with our conversations. 
• Remember, communication is more than just one talk. It is a series of dialogues, an ongoing conversation. 
• Share stories with your family. Focus on sharing positive experiences. 
• Sharing stories about challenges are also great, just be sure you focus on how you overcame the challenge. 
• There is room to talk about mistakes also. Focus on how you fixed the mistake, learned from it, and righted the wrong, more that the actual thing you did wrong.
• There are some things we don't need to tell our children. Think twice. 

Research suggests that the more children know about their parents and grandparents, especially their successes and failures, the more they are able to overcome setbacks. Start creating a family narrative in your home today.

Has your child gone to 5th grade Maturation yet?

How did it go?

Do you tell your children stories about you growning up?

Over the past two years of so, I have been able to participate in the TLC Book Tours. Every book I have reviewed has been fantastic. This last read was The Secrets of Happy Families by Bruce Felier. After 3 years of research, Happy Families aims to share some innovative and less traditional ways of bringing families closer together. Following along on Facebook and Twitter too!

I was given a copy of the book to read. All thoughts and opinions are mine.

If I Could Take A Trip...This is Where I Would Go.

The Holiday's are a magical time of year. In Utah it is also a cold time of year. Despite my wishing and hoping, the next few months are going to be too cold for comfort.

The colder it gets, the more I think about taking a vacation. By January, I dream of beaches and sunshine. I grew up in San Diego and it will always be my destination of choice.

In honor of the snow we have had all week, here is my ideal San Diego Vacation. I am hoping that by pretending, I will warm up a bit. Even if it is virtually.

Where to Stay: If you are taking a family to Southern CA (heck, even if you are going by yourself), my very favorite place to stay is The La Jolla Beach and Tennis Club. You might remember the New Years trip we took there a few years ago.

I grew up just a few miles from this magical place. The La Jolla Beach and Tennis Club is very family friendly.

• The Club is just 15 minutes from the airpot. 
• Your Room is ON THE BEACH. 10 steps or less and you are there. No need to load the car and drive anywhere.
• The Club is on La Jolla Shores, known as one of the shallowest and most family friendly beaches in California.
• The Club has its very own beach. Every morning it is cleared of seaweed and groomed. Ready and waiting for you.  
• They set up your beach chairs and provide all the towels you need. When you are done, they take care of the towels and have all you need ready the next time you want to hit the beach. 
• The swimming pool is heated.
• They have everything you need on site. From restaurants to gift shops. Including tennis courts, ping pong, a playground, library, spa, work out room, and even an on-site par 3 golf course. 

The club will take care of anything and everything you could possibly need. Want a bond fire on the beach. Just call and tell them what time you want it ready. Need a ride into town to catch a movie, they will drive you. Doesn't matter the request, The La Jolla Beach and Tennis Club can and will accommodate.

My only suggestion... if you are interested in staying at The La Jolla Beach and Tennis Club, you need to book about a year in advance, depending on what month of the year you want to visit.

La Jolla is my favorite place to stay. If you don't want so much sand in your vacation, I suggest The Hotel Parisi, or The La Valencia (the pink hotel). Both are fantastic. 

Where to Eat:

This list could go on forever and EVER and ever. La Jolla has so many good restaurants I wouldn't know where to start. But just to name a few. If you are going to be in La Jolla you have to eat Mexican at Alfonso's. Get the Appetizer tray with shrimp. It will feed a small army. (You can thank me later). You will dream about Alfonso's until you can go back. Cafe Japengo is Asian Fusion and has fantastic sushi. I recommend the 10 ingredient fried rice. For breakfast, be sure you eat at Harry's Coffee Shop. It is a staple in the community. We have been eating there since we were kids. Best breakfast in town. The Seafood Buffet at The La Valencia is a little bit of Heaven. 

What to Do:

Notoriously close to lots of attractions, families love to go to Sea World, the famous San Diego Zoo, Seaport Village, Legoland, Aquariums, LDS San Diego Temple, and Museums. Not to mention Disneyland which is a quick hour and 20 minute drive. The malls are amazing and if you are looking for night life, The Gas Lamp district will suite your fancy.

We aren't too big on the amusement parks or the party scene. SO.. we like to spend time on the beach. That keeps us entertained for hours. Including the tide pools that aren't far from the Beach and Tennis Club. We also love to walk and window shop Prospect. While on Prospect you have to visit Geppettos. It is the best toy store ever. Don't expect FAO Schwartz. It is a small quaint store that packs a BIG punch. Packed to the brim, it carries all the best and the classics when it comes to games and toys for children. 

Just typing this is making me San Diego sick. 

Whether you are familiar with your vacation destination, or traveling somewhere new, there is a great website called Gogobot that can help you plan your trip. Gogobot is a social travel site that launched in 2010. The company has racked up accolades including being named one of Time's top sites of 2011 and winner of the 2010 Crunchie award for Best Design.

Gogobot allows you to tap into the knowledge of your friends when planning a trip anywhere. You can find like-minded travelers and inspiration for your next vacation, creating easy-to-use wish lists you can return to again and again. 

And when you are not in vacation mode or planning a trip, you can discover hidden gems in your own neighborhood for entertaining guests or a weekend staycation. 

The best part? Every page on Gogobot is personalized. You can see reviews from your friends and people you are following at the top, which allows you to weed out the noise and fraudulent reviews that become a problem on other review sites. Check out Gogobot today!

If You Could Go Anywhere RIGHT NOW, Where Would You Go?

FAMILY FUN FRIDAY - Marshmallow Toss Game!

The object of this game is to catch as many marshmallows in your mouth as you can, before the time runs out.

You Will Need...
* Marshmallows (You want the large marshmallows. Not the minis.)
* Masking Tape (To mark boundaries)
* Bowl or bucket (This is to spit, or drop the marshmallows into after they are caught in the persons mouth)

How To Play...
Take the masking tape and make two lines on the ground, about 7-8 feet apart. Players are not allowed to cross these lines. If you are playing with small children, put these lines closer together.

Separate your family into teams. You want 4 or 5 people on each team. If your family is only 4 or 5 people big, no need for teams. :)

Choose someone to be the "catcher."

Have the "catcher" stand behind one of the lines you marked. Have the rest of the family (or team) stand behind the other line. They should be facing one another.

The line of players is given the bag of marshmallows.

When you say "go" the first player in line will grab three marshmallows and throw them to the "catcher" for them to catch in their mouths.

Give the "catcher"the bowl or bucket. When they catch a marshmallow in their mouth, they can spit it into the bowl to make room for the next one.

Once the first person has thrown three (one at a time of course), they rotate to the back of the line and the next person in line throws three marshmallows at the "catcher."

The "catcher" who catches the most marshmallows in their mouth wins.

How To Keep Score...
You can go by time: Set a times for 2 minutes. The players would continue to throw three marshmallows each, to the catcher. At the end of three minutes, count how many the "catcher" caught in his/her mouth and remember the score. Have each player take a 2 minute turn as "catcher". Whoever ends up catching the most marshmallows is the winner.

You can go by rotations: Have each person throwing the marshmallows, rotate through a certain number of times. For example, once each person has thrown to the "catcher" three times. The round ends.

Competition in big groups: If you are playing with extended family, or friends, youth groups etc... Divid the group into teams of about 5 people. Each team will choose a "catcher" to begin. Teams will set up and race one another.
*You can either have them race to see who can catch a certain amount the fastest. (First team to 50 marshmallows)
*They can give every one on the team a turn to be the catcher and then see how many the entire team caught.
*Or...as soon as the teams "catcher" successfully catches a given number (lets say 10) marshmallows in their mouths, they rotate to the back of the teams line and a new "catcher" takes their place. The first team to rotate through their entire team wins.

You get the point.

Your family and friends will love this game. Marshmallows will be bouncing all over the place and laughter will ensue.

Have fun, and have a great weekend!!!

FAMILY FUN FRIDAY - THE BEST Game!

Just can't say it enough, This game is really fun.

The MATERIALS will depend on what you do in your family. You can also play with no materials at all. Keep reading, you will see what I mean.

How to Play
You will want to choose a Host. Then, if your family or group is large, arrange everyone into groups. If you are smaller, then everyone can play as their own team. If you are playing with lots of people the rule stands that everyone has to participate in at least one round.

The Rules
The Host will announce the contest category for the group. (For example: "The Tallest")
Then, each group will select one person who they think will win the category.
There will be a category contest and if a person has "THE BEST" within the category, his or her team gets a point.

*if you are playing as individuals, everyone will compete in each category and the winner will get a point.*

SO this is how it would work. The Host would say "The Tallest". Then, if you are in groups, each group would pick the person they think could win "The Tallest". One person to represent the group.
Then, Once every group has their representative, or each individual is ready, The Host will then announce what has to be done. For example, with "The Tallest", then the Host could say, "The Tallest...Thumb".
Everyone playing that round would come together to see who had the tallest thumb. That person would then get a point.

Here are some category and contest examples. Use these, and add your own.

-The Tallest....THUMB
-The Fastest....CRAB WALKER
-The Highest....JUMPER
-The Longest....STARE IN A STARING CONTEST
-The Fastest....ALPHABET SONG SINGER
-The Quickest....TO BALANCE 5 DICE ON THE END OF A TOUGUE DEPRESSOR HELD IN YOUR MOUTH.
-The Farthest....MAKE A PAPER AIRPLANE AND SEE WHO'S GOES THE FARTHEST.
-The Shortest....SHOE SIZE
-The Biggest....WHO CAN BLOW THE BIGGEST BUBBLE.

As you can see, the possibilites are endless. You can make them as complicated or basic as you would like. You will find your family/group, laughing out loud.

What are you The Best at? Do you have the tallest thumb?

Have a Great Weekend!

FAMILY FUN FRIDAY - Balloon Balance!

Time to round up your family and have some fun.

Materials

Balloons

Cookie Sheets

How To Play

Gather your cookie sheets and balloons. You will want to blow up a balloon for every person. And a few extras because if your house is anything like our house, someone will pop one before the game begins. 

Divide your family or group, into two teams. 

Form two lines on one side of the room. Establish a "pick-up" line on the other side of the room. 

Place all the balloons but one (for each team), at the "pick-up" line.

At the starting line, where you have your two teams lined up, have the first person hold the cookie sheet and place one balloon on the cookie sheet. 

When you say "go" the first person has to go across the room with their balloon on the cookie sheet, WITHOUT LETTING THE BALLOON FALL OFF. Once they get to the "pick-up" line, they have to bend over, get another balloon, and carry them on the tray WITHOUT THEM FALLING OFF, back to the starting line. 

They then have to pass the cookie sheet, WITH THE BALLOONS ON IT, to the next person. The second person on each team then has to walk back across the room to the "pick-up" line, get another balloon, and carry all three back to the start line and pass the cookie sheet to the next person. 

THE GOAL: to get all the balloons on the cookie sheet and carry them back and forth without letting any of the balloons fall off. 

RULES: You decide how you want to play. You can either use your hands or other body parts to help keep the balloons in place as you walk, or you can't. Up to you. You can also change this rule, depending on who is playing. It is a good way to make things harder for older kids and adults, and easier for younger kids, so everyone can play together. 

You also decide what to do if a balloon drops. You can either make the team start over from the beginning with only one balloon. Make the person bend down and pick up the balloon and start back up where it dropped off, or make them start that lap over. You decide. 

Whichever team does it first, wins. 

Summary: Walk across, pick up a new balloon, walk back, pass the cookie sheet. Walk across, pick up another balloon, walk back, pass the cookie sheet. Never let the balloons drop. 

VARIATION 1

If you are playing with very small children, the cookie sheets might be too heavy to carry. You can use a piece of cardboard, the top of a box, the top of a small tupperware container, etc...

VARIATION 2

If your family isn't very big, or if you don't want to form two teams, you don't have too. Instead have each person play and time them. Whoever has the fastest time wins. You can also play that whoever can carry the most balloons without them falling off, wins. 

VARIATION 3

If you are playing with younger children, let them use their other hand to hold the balloons on the cookie sheet or cardboard as they walk. 

VARIATION 4

Instead of each person carrying the cookie sheets across the room AND back, each person can just carry the tray one direction, then pass the cookie sheet to the next person. If you go this route, just have the teams split up and put some of each team on either side of the room when you start. 

Have a wonderful weekend!

Don't Deny Their Feelings

As parents, we can make things worse with our kids instead of better when we deny how they are feeling.

Here are two examples (that I may or may not have said before.) 

Have you ever had your child say...

"Mom, I am hungry?"

Have you ever responded by saying...

"You can't be hungry, you just ate lunch"

How about when your child says...

"My shoes are hurting my feet."

And we respond with...

"No they aren't, put them back on your feet." 

Can you see the problem with both of those examples. Can't you just hear the arguments starting. 

"But mom, I am hungry." 
"You just ate, you don't need any more food."
"I know but I am still hungry!"
"I just made you dinner and you said you were full."

And on and on and on.... Arguments and temper tantrums ensue.

Funny, there was no arguing or tantrums until WE DENIED how our kids felt. 

When we are constantly denying our children's feelings it makes them mad and confused. This leads to misbehavior.
It also causes them to stop trusting their own feelings.  

We have to accept our children's feelings. It is how THEY feel. Who are we to tell them that how THEY feel is wrong? When we accept our kids, they feel more respected, more loved and there will be less power struggles because they feel validated and understood. 

Just like with adults, it isn't so much a solution kids need, as it is to be understood and accepted. 

So how can we respond?

First, we need to think about the situation from their point of view. 

Put yourself in their shoes. What if when you told your husband you were hungry, he said "no you aren't, you just ate." What if when you were 9 months pregnant you told someone your back hurt and you needed to rest, and they said..."your back doesn't hurt, you have already had 4 kids, you are used to it." What if when you were cold and wanted to wear a coat, your husband said..."you're not cold, you don't need a coat."

None of these responses would sit well with us. You can quickly see why our kids get so upset.

STOP and think about how your kids feel. When I am hot, I am miserable. I don't want to wear my coat. They are hot and miserable too.

Second, instead of trying to give advice, tell them they are wrong, or council them, respond with a simple comment...

"Really"
"Is that so"
"I see"
"Oh"
"Hmmmm"

A simple comment response works wonders. I used it today. 
Our daughter came to me to tell me about something her brother had done. She was playing with the baby and he came and took over.

Instead of counseling her, or getting on her, or telling her it wasn't a big deal, I just said, "hmmm, really?"

Guess what happened? She looked at me, said... "yes he did, he always does that". And then she ran off to play. She just wanted her feelings to be validated.

That was the end of it. If I had tried to solve the problem, figure out who was at fault, or said anything else, it would have turned into a "thing".

Remember, always accept how your children feel. It is okay to feel frustrated, hungry, mad, happy, excited and/or irritated.

Don't always accept how your kids act. Hitting, or throwing a fit because they are mad or frustrated is NOT okay.

Try this. Accept their feelings without any strings attached. You will see that it helps with the arguments and power struggles and makes for a happier household. 

Have you ever told your child they weren't hungry?

Will it be hard to hold your tongue and just say "Hmmmm?"

4th of July SALE SALE SALE!

4th of July is here, and you are going to be with lots of family and friends. What are you going to do? Do you need some great games and activities to play together?

You're in luck. The Family Fun Friday Activity Book, in PDF version is ON SALE right now. For the next 24 hours you can get the complete book for $7.99. Delivered straight to your inbox.

It will arrive in time for the 4th of July celebrations. You will have your download before the end of the today, and you will have all you need to have a great 4th.

This is also the perfect time to buy the book so you have it for your family reunions, lazy summer days, and family road trips and get togethers. The games are also great for girl's camp, scout camp, block parties. You name it.

To purchase, simply click the red "Buy the Book" button on the top right of the page.

Be sure you leave your email in the notes to seller so that I can get you your book quick.

Remember, Families that play together, do stay together. Let me help your family spend time together.

p.s. you can also purchase the Hard Copy of the Book ON SALE for the next 24 hours also. Simply click on the same red button and choose the book. It will be shipped quick, just not by Wednesday. :)

p.s.s. Book cannot be made into multiple copies or sold or reproduced in any maner.

Family Volley Photo Challenge

This week's Photo challenge (May 30) - "A Number"

Can't wait to see what you come up with. 

Whining? Pleeaaasssseeee make it STOP!

Raise your hand if you enjoy listening to your kids whine.

What, no hands? Mine isn't up either.

No one likes whining. In fact, one of the biggest questions from parents, How do I get my kids to stop whining?

So how do we win the whining battle?

First we need to look at why our kids are whining. This is a difficult thing to do. Why? Because it is most likely our fault they are whining.

Kids whine because they are trying to get OUR attention. They don't feel like we are listening to them, so they get frustrated and whine. The root of the problem could lie with us. Do our kids try and tell us something and we don't acknowledge them? Are we always "sooshing", or "shooing" them? Do our children ask us for something and we don't respond right away? Do we brush over their concerns or questions? Giving the impression we heard them, but don't care?

Our kids are not whining to make us irritated and mad. They are simply trying to get our attention and be heard. They are frustrated and whining is how they express their frustration. They know that we can't ignore the whining.

What can we do?
We need to stop ignoring them. We need to get down to their level and not only "hear" them, but really hear what they are saying and address and acknowledge it. We need to respond to their first request for attention. Not their third. By putting them off, and ignoring the requests, we encourage our children to whine. The exact behavior we say we don't like.

This doesn't mean we give them what they want all the time, but even when the answer is "no" we need to address the request in a timely fashion.

Spending individual time with our children will also help reduce whining. Remember this post on One-on-one time? We need to give each child attention so they don't have to act out to get our attention.

When our Kids Whine.
1. Point out that your child is whining. Many times kids don't even realize they are doing it. I know with our daughter, I will tell her she is whining and her response, "No I'm not." She doesn't even realize it has happened. This might mean that you need to demonstrate what whining sounds like. It is okay to do that, but don't make fun of your child IN ANY WAY when you are demonstrating. Instead, whine about adult things, like doing the dishes, so that your child doesn't feel attacked. Use humor and ask them how your whining makes them feel. Then, model the right way to ask or talk. Model to your child how to communicate without whining. Give them a realistic example and show them how they "should" talk.

2. Make it clear that whining is not acceptable. We do this by explaining that whining will not get them what they want. Then explain that you would like to hear what they have to say, but you will not listen until they talk to you in a normal tone of voice. No exceptions!

3. Don't give in and don't loose your cool. When kids whine, we have to stay calm. If they see it is getting us frustrated, the will keep doing it. Stay calm, explain the need for them to use a normal voice if they want to talk to you, and then go about your business. What ever you do, DON'T GIVE IN. When kids get what they want from whining, it teaches them that whining works. SO they will continue to whine to get what they want. We have to stand strong. Or else we send a message that is really hard to reverse.

4. Stay steady. Consistency is key. We can't give in to some whining and then not to others. If the rule is not whining, then stick to the rule. It is the consistency that will teach our children we are serious, and create a lasting change.

What if we really ARE busy (like when I am on the phone) and can't respond immediately?
This will happen. It always happens to me. I will have to make a phone call, and sure enough, someone needs something and starts to whine so I will listen. It is okay to point to the phone, put your hand up, and tell your child you need a minute to finish the call. Once you are off the phone, immediately address your child and their concern or need. Don't forget about them, and be realistic about your time on the phone. If you are going to be more than just a few minutes. Consider asking the caller to wait "just a minute" while you address your child. If you are going to be longer on the call, maybe finishing the conversation at a later time would be better. Asking a child to wait is realistic, but wait forever, is not.

What if I am talking to my spouse or another child?
This will happen also. In our house, it seems that the second my husband and I start a conversation, someone needs or wants attention and the whining begins. This is also normal. Young children especially, want our attention and when we are giving it to someone else, they will naturally try to get the attention back with them. Turn to your child and explain you are talking to "daddy". "As soon as I am done, you and I can talk." This teaches them manners. That you are aware of them. That they don't need to whine, that whining won't get them what they want, and that your spouse is also important. All valuable lessons for children.

Same rules apply. A minute or two of waiting is fine, talking to your spouse for 30 minutes while your child waits, is not.

RECAP:
Why do they whine? Children whine because they want our attention.

What can we do?
1. Point out the whining. Demonstrate what whining sounds like and ask our children how "our whining makes them feel", and then model the "right way" to communicate.

2. Make it clear that whining is not acceptable. Explain that you want to talk to them, but will not have a conversation until they use a normal voice. No Exceptions!

3. Stay calm when the whining starts and don't give in.

4. Consistency is key. Don't stay strong one day, and give in to the whining the next. 

Do your kids whine?

Does whining bug you?

Do you ever give in to the whining?

You Were Prepared For This....So Was I

Last week I was sitting in a meeting. Meeting sounds boring. I should call it a get together instead of a meeting. It was really fun, I was surrounded by great people who felt like old friends, and it was inspiring.

So let's start again, last week I was at a get together. I left inspired by the entire 3 hours. I have replayed much of the day over and over, and there is something I can't shake. It has changed the way I am moving forward as a wife, mother and woman.

(Let me preface. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I know I have a Father in Heaven who loves me. I know I lived with Him before I was born.)

During the get together one of the presenters started talking about living with our Heavenly Father. He mentioned that we lived with our Heavenly Parents for 6000 yrs before we were born. And then he asked, "during those 6000 yrs...what did they prepare us for?"

He answered his own question.

"They prepared us for right now. They prepared us for what we doing at this minute, every minute."

This might sound simple. Maybe you have heard it before. I know I have, But it hit me, BIG.

I immediately started thinking about being a mother, and about our children. Being a mom is hard. It is the most joyous thing I have ever done, but it is not easy. There are many nights when I climb into bed and think about the day and realize that I CAN, and NEED to do better. There are many times I wonder if I have what it takes.

Now my mind was racing. I spent 6000 yrs being prepared to be a mom to our children right now. These children. There is comfort in this realization. There is power in this realization.

Can you even begin to imagine the tutelage that we received?

Since Wednesday, I have seen my role as a mother differently. I have seen my trials differently. That means I have been prepared to handle a temper tantrum. I have been prepared to handle uncertainty with my husbands profession. I have been prepared to handle demanding church callings. I have been prepared to handle the nosy neighbor who lives across the way. I have been prepared to juggle children and laundry and homework, all at the same time. I have been prepared to handle crying babies and sleepless night and growing 9 year olds that eat everything in sight. I have been prepared to love and teach, raise and console our children.

I now realize that one of the most important things I can give our children, is a parent who believes in themselves? A parent who recognizes that they have been saved to raise them, and then has confidence in their ability to do so?

A parent who trusts their instincts, a parent who believes they can be patient, who believes they can be compassionate, who believes they can discipline with love.

I need to remember on good days and bad, to shout for joy because I do have what it takes, I spent 6000 yrs being taught how to handle each and every situation.

Do you ever wonder if you have what it takes as a parent?

Family Volley Photo Challenge-Week 13-"In Your Bag"

Maybe I should call the Photo Challenge "The Better Late Than Never Challenge", because for the last 4 weeks, I have been behind. I apologize. I am going to do better.

This Week's Challenge: "In Your Bag"

I have carried a diaper bag for the last 10 years. Sure, there have been times here and there were I go back to a normal bag or purse, but a diaper bag over my shoulder is when I am most comfortable. I think I want to carry a diaper bag forever.

I opened the diaper bag tonight, and this is what I found. I didn't move a single thing. In the back, a sleeve that carries diapers and wipes. A hard book for our little one, snacks, cheerios and the new mini graham crackers. Have you seen the new mini graham crackers? They are great. Easy to break into little pieces, and they taste really good. And then, there is our 10 month old's favorite toy. The eyes belong to an elephant. She loves to chew on him. And when you squeeze the elephant, his eyes "bug" out of his head. Our daughter thinks it is so funny and loves to suck on the eyes. It is the perfect church toy and gets us through at least 30 minutes.

Although I have been slow to get these posts up, they are making a difference in my life. Documenting, slowing me down, causing me to think about the small things like our daughter's favorite toy. Amongst the craziness that I feel trying to manage a family and home, and life, these small moments of reflection are wonderful. I hope they are doing the same for you?

Next Week's Challenge (April 4): "Easter" 

Centering-Part 3 of 5

Third post in a series of Parenting tips... All starting with the Letter "C"

Looking for the first two "C's" in the series? Click for Choices and Commitment.

Today we are talking about Centering.

Centering means we are in the moment. This means four things....


1. We see our children as people. People just like us. They have good days and bad days. They worry, have stress, insecurities. They have hopes and dreams and get excited, just like us. They have things to say, opinions to express, and feelings to share. How do you feel when you are trying to talk to someone and they are distracted, or not listening? We feel lousy. We know when someone isn't listening to us. We know when people are pretending to care about what we are saying, and so do our kids. 

Put yourself in your children's shoes. Have compassion and think of what it is like to be them. Stop seeing them as a distraction and be with them. Right then.

2. Avoid Jumping Ahead. As a parent, it is easy to jump to the future. We have had experiences our children have not and we understand how actions affect the future. But, jumping ahead on our kids confuses them, and sends the message that we are not listen and don't care. 

I distinctly remember learning this lesson with our son. 

He was struggling with his multiplication. I looked at him and said"...if you can't get these problems right, you will never get into college".

WHAT? What is wrong with this statement, besides EVERYTHING?

Now, it is true that our son needs to learn his math if he wants to do well in school and get into college. But at 6 years old, does that matter to him. NO! Does he really even understand "college". NO! In fact, he looked at me and said..."mom, you're not even listening to me, what does college have to do with 2 x 4"? 

My statement made him feel like I wasn't listening.

My statement confused him.

My statement made him feel like I didn't care about his question. 

M statement frustrated him. 

My statement made him feel like I didn't understand.

I was not centered on him, his question, or his feeling and concerns. 

We need to make sure we stay centered. We need to make sure our comments are circumstance appropriate, age appropriate, and understanding appropriate. Avoid jumping too far ahead. It sends a message to our children that we are not listening and that we don't understand or care. 

3. Really listen and pay attention. To be centered on your child, in the moment, means to put down what you are doing and actually listen. It also means that saying "uh huh", does not cut it for having a conversation with our children.

We need to put everything else down.

We need to look them in the eyes.

We need to be at their level.
We need to actually listen to the words they are saying.

4. Don't push our own agenda. I am at fault for this. A lot. I give the impression that I am listening, that I am centered and in the moment. But all I am thinking about is what I am going to say when our kids stop talking. Meaning, the second they stop telling their story or expressing their thought, I hit them with..."that is great, now will you please finish taking out the trash and start your homework".

The message I send is that ..."I don't really care what you just told me, stop talking and get your work done".

We need to let go of our own agenda and what we want to say, and instead listen to what our kids want to say.

The best part of being centered is that our love and understanding for our children will grow. We will love them more deeply because we will get to know them better. We will also have more patience with our children. Our children will be better behaved and more obedient. Our relationships will be strengthened and we will find more enjoyment in being parents. And our kids will find more enjoyment in being our kids.

Do you ever Jump Ahead with your kids?
What can you do to be more centered with your children?

FAMILY FUN FRIDAY - Reverse Charades

Unlike regular charades where one person acts out a word or phrase for the group, in Reverse Charades, the group acts out for one person.

All you need to play are some strips of paper with clues to act out, written on them. You can do single words, phrases, inside family jokes, you can even do bible stories (like Daniel and the Lions Den) etc. Anything will work. Single words are usually the easiest. Once you have the clues, put them in a pile on the table, or in a basket.

Before we start this game, I give every family member (or every player) 10 strips of paper and a pen. Then, every person writes down 10 clues on their papers. In less than 5 minutes we have 50+ clues and we are ready to play. It is really easy to keep the old papers on hand for a quick Reverse Charades game when our family needs something to do.

Remember, no talking.

To Play:
Have one family member stand, facing the rest of the family. They are going to be the "guesser".

Set the timer for 1 minute. The rest of the family will then pull out a strip of paper and immediately begin to act out the clue for the "guesser".

Keep track of how many words each person guesses correctly. The person who guesses the most during their turn, wins.

FAMILY FUN FRIDAY - Hula Hoop Drop

This is a great game to help your family learn to cooperate, problem solve, work together as a team and be patient with others. 

All you need is a hula hoop.

Because adults are taller than kids, it works really well to have parents play on their knees. Then everyone is closer in height.

How to Play

• Players stand in a circle around the hula-hoop. 
• Each player must place two straight fingers (one on each hand) on the hula-hoop. Supporting the hula-hoop.
• The group must then lower the hula-hoop from waist-level to the ground. 

Rules 

Both fingers much remain completely straight and must maintain contact with the hula-hoop at all times.

If anyone's finger(s) come off the hula-hoop or bend at any time the group must start over.

I know this sounds simple, but just wait. It is not as easy at it looks.

Have a great weekend!

Anyone doing anything fun?

Commitment - Part 2 of 5

Second post in a series of parenting tips.... All starting with the letter "C".

Last week we talked about Choices, and the importance of giving our children choices. 

Today we are going to talk about Commitment. 

What does it mean to commit. Commitment means to engage oneself, and to be involved.

When our kids are acting out, our thought isn't usually to be more involved with them. We usually want to NOT be engaged with them.

It is natural to think this way. When our kids are misbehaving, we aren't thinking, "...go get Candy Land, I would love to play a few games", or "...everyone in the car, let's go to the park.". When they are misbehaving we are not thinking about how much we want to listen to them.

But...we should. If we want the misbehavior to stop, and our relationships to strengthen, then we as parents need to make a commitment... FIRST!

Yep, instead of waiting for our kids to be better, we need to commit to them first.

This is how commitment works. As parents, we show commitment to our children FIRST.  Then, and only AFTER we have shown them our commitment, they will be willing to commit back to us as parents. They are willing to trust us, to behave, to listen, to compromise, to obey.

Think about it, aren't we the same way as adults? When people don't give us their time, or energy, when they don't commit and contribute to our friendship or relationships, do we feel the need to serve them, or commit to them and the relationship? Nope, we don't.

Once we commit to our children, they will commit back to us as parents, and to the family. 

How Do Our Children Understand Commitment?
Each of our children will interpret our commitment differently.

Let me explain.
Our son feels commitment from me when I LISTEN. Really listen. This means that when he wants to tell me a story, or about a new invention, I STOP what I am doing, and listen. He knows I am committed to him when I sit at eye level and look into his eyes while he is talking.

Our daughter is totally different. She feels commitment from me when I DO things with her. When we play, read, go for walks, go to the park, when I go to her activities, go...go...go... That is when she feels I have committed to her. When I am active with her.

They are totally different in their feelings... BUT their behavior when they don't feel my commitment is the same. They don't want to focus on their homework, they complain, they drag their feet about household work, and have less patience when I ask them to help. They get bossy, have bad attitudes, and there is a lot of complaining and tattle tailing. Sound familiar?

When they don't feel my commitment to them, they don't feel the need to contribute to our relationship either. A.K.A, they misbehave.

Tips For Committing To Our Children

• Determine how your children feel commitment. Is it when you play with them, listen to them, take them places? Is it when you show affection to them, or let them choose, or give them freedom to explore? Figure out what they need to feel your commitment to them.
• Plan of Attack. Once you determine how your children feel commitment, create a plan of action. This will not be a cookie cutter technique. Each child is different. 

Write down your child's name, then how they feel commitment. Next, write down 5 ways you can show that commitment in 15 minutes or less. Lastly, write down 5 ways you can show that commitment in longer activities (over an hour).

SO... next to our daughter's name I have written: color with her, play school (she is the teacher) walk around the block, jump rope in the garage, browse through her American Girl Doll Catalogues with her. For her longer activities, go to the park, go to the library, go to the indoor track, walk to the temple, paint.

• We need to take responsibility for their misbehavior. Hard to accept, but we could be provoking their misbehavior, by not showing them our commitment. It happens. It's okay. But instead of sitting back and pointing fingers, let's put the housework down and be the change we are looking for. 
• Our kids know best. It is natural to want to show our kids commitment in our way, not theirs. Avoid this. It is not about us. It is about what they need. Even if we don't understand, give them what they need and want. I can try to convince our daughter all day that talking to one another is commitment. At the end of the day, because it wasn't more active, she will still feel dissatisfied. 
• Let go of the perfection mentality. If we wait for the perfect time and situation to be with our children, we will never be with them. It will never be perfect. Stop waiting and act.
• Be in the moment. I doubt any of our children would say they feel our commitment when we multitask. Put everything down and commit your time, thoughts, actions, and heart, to your children.
• Commit to 15 minutes a day. Remember this post on one-on-one time? Now is the time. Make the decision to commit to your child every day. Give them you. That is what they want more than anything. Isn't good behavior worth 15 minutes a day? Twice a month, participate in a longer activity with your child.

We have said it before, Love is spelled T-I-M-E. Want to see improvement in your children's behavior? Commit to them FIRST! By being engaged and getting involved. Then watch the behavior transform.

How do your children feel commitment?

Family Volley Photo Challenge-Week 9-"Peace"

As I considered a photo for this weeks challenge, my first thought was to take a picture of our baby sleeping. Nothing says peace like a sleeping baby. Even more peaceful is holding a sleeping baby.

Then today it started to snow. It was quiet outside and you could hear the snow fall. Before this challenge, I would have noticed the snow, and probably gone outside to watch it fall, but I would have been worried about all the things I wasn't doing. I would have felt guilty. Not today, today I sat on the porch with our 3 year old and we watched the snow fall together. She talked and I listened. It was very peaceful.

After more thought about what peace was to me, I found myself driving down the street with our kids this afternoon to the Provo Temple. We are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and the temple brings me peace.

I have a testimony of temples. The temple represents God's love for me. It represents eternal families. There is great peace in knowing that I can be with my family for eternity.

 I couldn't decide on just one picture. 

I like the colors and dimensions in this one, and how the Angel Moroni appears to be rising out of the trees. 

I love how the Angel Moroni is "in the clouds".

I know God lives. I know he loves me. I know he hears and answers my prayers. I know I am a daughter of God.

Next Week's Challenge (March 7) - "What I Ate"

Family Volley Photo Challenge-Week 8-"Childhood Memory"

I am very late in getting this challenge posted. But...better late than never, right? It seems that some weeks, family life takes every single minute of every day. It means other things have to be put on hold. I appreciate the kind emails checking up on us, to make sure that everything was okay. Those emails make my day.

Last Week's Challenge was "Childhood Memory"

I use these in our girls hair all the time. Our girls use them in their dolls hair too. They are the same baretts my mom used to use in my hair. Every time I see them, I am reminded of the great memories my mom and I shared as she would do my hair and get me ready for the day. I learned a lot sitting with my mom getting my hair done. I learned about a lot more than just doing hair.

Do you remember these?...

This Weeks Challenge (February 29) - "Peace"


If you are just learning about the photo challenge, or are feeling behind. Don't worry. You can jump in at any time. And even if you are not taking photos, come look at the photos that are being posted in the Family Volley Flickr group. They are fantastic, they will inspire you to jump on board.


Feel free to invite your friends and family to join us in the challenge. Post it on facebook, twitter, pin it. The more the merrier.

Family Volley Photo Challenge- Week 6- RED

These RED sleds are a glaring reminder that we haven't had any snow this year. At all. They have been abandoned for the tree swings. I think the kids have given up on sledding for the year. They are already talking about the swimming pool. 

I went out to take the picture by myself. It was quiet. It is the first picture I have ever taken on Manual setting. I don't know if it made a difference, but I like it. 

Next Weeks Challenge (February 15): CLOSE-UP

Family Volley Photo Challenge-Week 3-Hands

This Weeks Challenge: Hand(s)

This hand belongs to the blue eyes below. She had fallen asleep in her car seat. Instead of hurrying to get her out and in her crib like I usually do, I SLOWED DOWN and took pictures. I couldn't resist her little hand wrapped around the handle. I usually worry about taking pictures when she is asleep, for fear it will wake her up. Not this time. The moment was more important. 

Only 3 weeks into this challenge and I am already realizing, the moments will never return, I must take the time to "see" them now. 

We spend a lot of time together, she and I. We see each other at least every three hours, day and night. :) I love it. 

She likes to hold on to my hands when she falls asleep, one on each side of her face. When she nurses, her little hand slowly wiggles at my back. When she is full, and still, she puts that hand on my collar bone. That is when I know all is well and that her little body is content. 

Her little hands remind me of what is really important in my life.  

Next Weeks Challenge (January 25): Your Daily Routine

FAMILY FUN FRIDAY-Red Nosed Reindeer!

You will love this game. It is perfect for the holiday season. Think of it as a Christmas version of Shoveling Snow. 

YOU WILL NEED

Red Pom Poms

Because Rudolph was a red nosed reindeer. 

In a pinch, any color could be used here also.

Vaseline

 Red Ribbon

Any color ribbon will work, but red is great because it is christ-mas-y.

Reindeer Antlers

Although not necessary to play, they would be a very festive addition if you happen to have some sitting around. 

PREPARATION

1. Take your red ribbon and cut it about 15 or 16 inches long. Small children will need a shorter ribbon. 

2. Attach a pom pom to the end of your cut ribbon. A hot glue gun would be perfect for this job. 

3. If you have reindeer antlers, have the first player put them on their head.

LETS PLAY

1. The first player, using only their nose, has to dip their nose in the Vaseline. the more vaseline, the better. Players are NOT allowed to use anything but their nose, to apply the vaseline. That includes using their hands to hold the vaseline container. 

2. Once the player has vaseline on their nose, they take the ribbon (the end without the pom pom) and hold the very end in their mouth. No cheating here. Grab that ribbon right down at the end. The ribbon should be hanging down towards the floor with the pom pom at the bottom. 

3. Now comes the challenge. The player, must swing the ribbon/red pom pom and get the pom pom to stick to their nose. 

RULES TO REMEMBER

1. The pom pom and ribbon cannot touch any other part of the players body, except their nose. If it touches another body part, or another part of the players face, and sticks to their nose, it doesn't count.

2. NO HANDS ALLOWED. If a player touches the pom pom with their hands, their turn is over. 

TO KEEP SCORE 

(aka HOW TO WIN)

1. Set a time limit and see how many times each player can stick the pom pom to their nose in the given amount of time. 

2. Set a number limit. For example 10. Time each person and see how long it takes them to get the pom pom to stick 10 times. Who ever does it the fastest is the winner.  

Family Members young and old will love this game. Perfect for upcoming Seasonal, family gatherings. If you play, be sure you take pictures. I would love to see all the fun you are having.  

Do you have any fun weekend plans? What are you and your family doing this weekend?