FAMILY FUN FRIDAY - Marshmallow Toss Game!

The object of this game is to catch as many marshmallows in your mouth as you can, before the time runs out.

You Will Need...
* Marshmallows (You want the large marshmallows. Not the minis.)
* Masking Tape (To mark boundaries)
* Bowl or bucket (This is to spit, or drop the marshmallows into after they are caught in the persons mouth)

How To Play...
Take the masking tape and make two lines on the ground, about 7-8 feet apart. Players are not allowed to cross these lines. If you are playing with small children, put these lines closer together.

Separate your family into teams. You want 4 or 5 people on each team. If your family is only 4 or 5 people big, no need for teams. :)

Choose someone to be the "catcher."

Have the "catcher" stand behind one of the lines you marked. Have the rest of the family (or team) stand behind the other line. They should be facing one another.

The line of players is given the bag of marshmallows.

When you say "go" the first player in line will grab three marshmallows and throw them to the "catcher" for them to catch in their mouths.

Give the "catcher"the bowl or bucket. When they catch a marshmallow in their mouth, they can spit it into the bowl to make room for the next one.

Once the first person has thrown three (one at a time of course), they rotate to the back of the line and the next person in line throws three marshmallows at the "catcher."

The "catcher" who catches the most marshmallows in their mouth wins.

How To Keep Score...
You can go by time: Set a times for 2 minutes. The players would continue to throw three marshmallows each, to the catcher. At the end of three minutes, count how many the "catcher" caught in his/her mouth and remember the score. Have each player take a 2 minute turn as "catcher". Whoever ends up catching the most marshmallows is the winner.

You can go by rotations: Have each person throwing the marshmallows, rotate through a certain number of times. For example, once each person has thrown to the "catcher" three times. The round ends.

Competition in big groups: If you are playing with extended family, or friends, youth groups etc... Divid the group into teams of about 5 people. Each team will choose a "catcher" to begin. Teams will set up and race one another.
*You can either have them race to see who can catch a certain amount the fastest. (First team to 50 marshmallows)
*They can give every one on the team a turn to be the catcher and then see how many the entire team caught.
*Or...as soon as the teams "catcher" successfully catches a given number (lets say 10) marshmallows in their mouths, they rotate to the back of the teams line and a new "catcher" takes their place. The first team to rotate through their entire team wins.

You get the point.

Your family and friends will love this game. Marshmallows will be bouncing all over the place and laughter will ensue.

Have fun, and have a great weekend!!!

Encouraging Our Children To Practice

Do your kids participate in extra curricular activities? Piano, soccer, violin, baseball etc...

Is it hard to get your kids to practice? Do they complain and whine, do they want to quit?

You are not alone. Getting our kids to practice can bring major stress, arguments and contention into our homes.

The first thing to remember is that practicing does more for our children than just make them better on the piano, or at soccer. Practicing teaches our children valuable life skills.

Self confidence
Self discipline
Time management
Priorities
Goal setting
Follow through
Accountability to others and to themselves
Builds relationships
...just to name a few

We need these qualities throughout our lives. Long after the soccer games and piano practice have ended.

Given that most of us are probably dealing with this on a daily basis, let's talk about some of the commonly asked questions when it comes to our kids and practicing.

Getting our kids to practice can be really frustrating. For parents there can be a fine line between encouraging and pushing too hard.

Can parents push too hard?
Yes, if we are pushing because we have our own agenda. Then we are pushing too hard. If we are pushing and our kids are miserable and not having any fun, then we are pushing too hard.

Realize that if we are going to push our kids, then we need to be willing to be more creative to help our children enjoy the practice and activity. 

What about bribes. Is it ever okay to bribe?
This can be tricky, but we want to try and stay away from using bribes, OR threats of punishment to get our children to practice. Remember, these experiences during our childhood are life experiences that are preparing them for the the rest of their lives. Bribery teaches our kids to only do something IF they get something in return. Bribes undermine the character building and internal motivation that activities can foster. Bribery is probably not on our list of life skills we want our children to learn. :)

Instead of "I will buy you a new toy if you practice the violin", we want our kids to practice the violin because it is the good and right thing to do. Because they are learning a valuable talent and fulfilling commitments to themselves and their teacher, and to us as parents.

To do this, focus on rewards and incentives, instead of bribes.

• don't talk about the gift or treat before, but instead present it AFTER practicing has been done. 
• don't reward for every practice.
• focus on setting goals and once they are met, celebrate. These can be daily, weekly, or monthly depending on what your child needs. 

What do we do when our kids want to quit?

When our kids want to quit, don't immediately let them throw in the towel.

Understand that kids usually want to quit because there is a problem. Try to identify why your child is unhappy in the activity. Could the activity be too hard, could it be that they don't feel like they have any friends on the team, are they over-scheduled, or maybe they don't like the teacher/coach, or would rather do other things.

• First, acknowledge their feelings. It is how THEY perceive things and the feelings are real to them. (Responding with "really", or, "is that so" will help them feel validated)
• Then, ask key questions to gather information..

I thought you liked soccer, what has changed?

What part of baseball are you struggling with?

What solution do you think would make you enjoy piano again?

• Remember to BE PRESENT. Whether it is soccer or piano, Attend practice whenever possible. You will learn a lot about their true feelings. Often times just attending practices will fix the problem. Kids don't like being "sent off" to practice. Even with piano. You don't have to sit at the piano with them, but sit in the same room when they practice. You can read, get on the computer, etc... Comment every now and again on what they are doing. It really does make a difference with practicing. We can't always attend everything. Especially when we have more than one child, or work, but we can do our best to be at practices whenever possible. 

We learned this with our son. He was fighting against piano practice. So, instead of sending him to the piano to practice alone while I made dinner in the kitchen, I sat in the same room with him. It made a huge difference. We also changed to practicing in the morning instead of after school when he was tired. Within a week, the whining and crying stopped.

Lots of time our kids will complain about going to practice, but once they get there they love it and come home and talk about it for the next two hours. This is a pretty good sign that they DON'T need to quit, but address a problem instead.

We went through this with our daughter. She complained on the way to dance every week. Tears and all, but she would always bounce out of dance, so happy she went, already talking about the next week. And then she would come home and practice dancing in the kitchen all night. 

I knew she loved dance and didn't need to quit, but why all the complaining? I asked her what we could do so she would enjoy dance again. She said she needed a break after school. 

I was picking her up from school and immediately taking her to dance on Tuesdays. As a 6 year old, going from a full day of school, to dance was too much. She didn't really want to quit, we just needed to find a way for her to unwind in between. I made some changes so when I picked her up, even though we were still in a hurry, she could relax. 

I was having her change her clothes in the car first. I switched and let her eat a snack, drink, ...first... and instead of snacking and eating in the car while driving, we ate on the grass and she changed in the school bathroom. It changed everything. These small changes stopped the complaining. 

If after asking the questions and observing, you conclude that your kids are in physical or psychological trouble, meaning that they are really, truly, unhappy with the activity, and stopping feels right...

1. It is okay to have them finish out what they have committed to. Finish out the season etc... This teaches them to follow through on their commitments and if it is a team activity, that they have a responsibility to other people. It will give children a sense of accomplishment also. 

2. Find something else that better fits their interest and personality.

Don't loose sight of the big picture. We are helping our children develop life skills. Skills they need forever. These skills are bigger than if they sat at the piano for 20 minutes or 30 minutes. Plus, they are making memories. Do we want their memories to be filled with arguing and stress, or positive experiences and fun?

Getting our children to practice can be difficult and stressful. But, if we will work to make it fun and be open to our children's thoughts and feelings, we can solve the problems and know when to let them stop, and when to help them push through. 

Do your kids complain about practicing?

Do you believe in making your kids finish what they start?

Never Say Never...or Always

In the heat of moments, in the stress of life, it is easy for us as parents, to not choose the best words when we are talking to our children.

Have you ever said...

"You never put your toys away"

"If you don't stop you will never come to the store with me again"

"You and your sister always fight"

As parents, we want to avoid saying words like never or always.

Why?

Words like never and always are very finite and harsh. Telling a child they "never clean up", or "never obey" makes them think...

1. Any effort they have put forth to obey or clean up in the past has been worthless.

2. They don't need to do better or try harder, because no matter what they do, it wont ever be good enough. They will never be able to obey, or clean up the right way. So why try.

These words actually bring out the behaviors in our children, that we say we don't like. They bring out the behaviors we are trying to stop when we say them.

These words also make children feel worthless. They are labels just like calling a child dumb or shy. If we call a child dumb they will start to believe they are dumb, and actually become what we label them. The same with never and always.

In addition...

When we use words like never and always in threats, it is almost impossible to carry out the threats or enforce the consequences.

For example...

Telling our child, "we will never take them to the store again..."

Really? We are really going to be able to go the rest of our lives and never take them into a store with us again? Of course we can't do that. Kids can see right through those threats. Given that the threat is empty, why is the child going to obey? They aren't, because they know that no matter how they act, or what they do, they will get to go to a store with you again. We can't enforce that threat, so they continue to act out.

Never and always can be used to give compliments, "you are always so kind to your sister." Or..."you never misbehave." This is still tricky. Are they always kind, and do they really never misbehave? Of course not. We have to be cautious with how and when we use them.

Have you ever said "never?"

p.s. my husband grew up with a lot of disfunction in his home. A lot of threats, never's and always. I still laugh about a conversation he had with our son when he was about 4. He said "if you don't obey, we will never celebrate your birthday again."

Our son looked at him, laughed, and said "yeah right dad."

Stranger Danger-Talking to Our Children About Strangers

One of my favorite parts about summer, is that the kids are with me most of the day. It is comforting to know where they are and what they are doing. 

Sending them back to school makes me nervous. I am a worrier by nature, so when we are a part I stress about what they might encounter. And I worry about strangers. Stranger Danger is real, and it is a hard topic to discuss with our kids because we don't want to scare them. 

Start by helping your children understand what a stranger is. A stranger is anyone that your family doesn’t know very well. Strangers don’t have to look mean and evil like TV portrays. It is important for children to understand that.  

                                                                                                                                                       

When I was explaining strangers to our daughter, she said, “but we don’t know policemen, so are they strangers?”

Next, distinguish the difference between bad strangers and safe strangers. Safe strangers are those people that our children can go to for help. Firemen, policemen, and teachers are good examples of safe strangers. Talk about the safe strangers in your community.

Once your child understands what a stranger is, you will want to talk about dangerous situations. Explain to your children that anytime an adult…

·      Asks them for directions or help

·      Asks your child to keep a secret

·      Does or says something that makes them uncomfortable

·      Encourages them to disobey you or do something wrong...

They need to get away and tell an adult immediately. This also means explaining to them that they won't get in trouble for "telling on" an adult. Emphasis that they will never get in trouble for "disobeying" and adult when any of the above situations apply. 

Next, role-play situations that your child might be faced with. Remember, role play is one of the most powerful parenting tools we have. Role play prepares your children so that when they are faced with the situation, they have confidence in their abilities, because they feel like they have already handled the situation. It also helps them know just what to do. They don't have to waste precious time trying to decide how they should act. (Helping your children understand that in these situations, it is okay to say “no” to an adult.) Some examples might include…

·      A stranger asks your child if they want a ride home

·      A stranger stops to ask if your child has seen their missing dog

·      A stranger asks your child for directions

·      A stranger asks your child if they want a treat or candy.

Talk to your child about what to do if they are ever faced with one of these situations.

• Never get close to the car, or the stranger. Keep your distance.
• Yell “No” as loud as you can and run away from the stranger.
•  Tell an adult, or safe stranger what has happened right away.

Practice possible dangerous situations so your children know what to do. This will give them more confidence if the situation ever presents itself, and will give you a little peace of mind as you send them out the door each day.

What have you told your children about Strangers?

Is it hard to talk to your kids about strangers?

It it already Tuesday. What are your plans for the week?

FAMILY FUN FRIDAY - Bubble Master!

We have said it before and we will say it again. Families that play together, stay together. So, let the games begin.

For this game you will need... 

Bubbles

Hula Hoop

Object of the Game...

Get a bubble through the hula hoop. Using only your breath. 

Here's how you play...

1. Establish a starting line. 

2. Choose someone to hold the hula hoop. They should stand about 6-8 feet away from the start line, depending on how old your players are. Older kids and adults, stand farther away. Younger, closer. You will want to hold it up so the opening is facing the start line. 

3. Choose someone to blow the bubbles. They will stand behind the start line. 

4. Everyone else will stand in between the start line and the hula hoop.

5. The bubble blower, blows bubbles. Everyone then tries to get the bubble(s) through the hula hoop. The catch, players can only use their breath to propel the bubble. They will have to carefully blow the bubbles. Working to keep them from popping on the ground and floating off course. Some players will want to be down on the ground so they can blow the bubbles up. Some will want to be on the sides of the bubbles, etc...

6. Players are not allowed to touch the hula hoop. (unless you are the one holding it up, of course).

7. As the bubbles pop, the person blowing the bubbles, keeps blowing and providing bubbles while the rest of the players carefully blow the bubbles toward the hula hoop, trying to blow them through. 

This is a fantastically fun game to play with your family. You can time yourselves and see how long it takes to get a certain number of bubbles through the hoop. You can have teams, and race. 

If you are playing with a large group, divide them up into smaller groups and have them race one another. 

This is also great for kids, big and small. Get everyone involved and be sure to take turns blowing bubbles at the start line, using your breath to move the bubbles, and holding the hula hoop.

Have fun!

What are you doing this weekend? Anything fun or exciting?

Anyone watching the BYU vs. Utah Football Game? 

Who do you want to win?

Images found via Google Images. Original links found here and here.

Back to School Tips

It is hard to believe that we are getting ready to go back to school. Where did the summer go, and how can we rewind and get it back?

I never feel ready for the hustle and bustle that is about to hit and I also miss the kids when they go back to school. 

Back to school is stressful for our kids also. They worry and wonder too. It is a big adjustment and anything we can do to ease their minds will help.

Here are key things that we can do to make Back to School Better for the whole family.

First, here are 2 things just for ME and YOU.

1. Get YOUR good attitude ready.
If we have a good attitude, so will our children. No scoffs or scowls. No complaints about getting up early, or driving, or packing lunches. Be happy, excited, and talk about all the great things that come with school and learning. This also means keeping our emotions at bay. If your child is going to kindergarten and you are sad, try to keep your tears to private time. Even tears of joy worry children. You don't want your five your old to think they should stay home so you won't cry.

2. Clear OUR schedule the first week of school.
Try to clear your schedule the first week of school so that you are available for your kids. Even if they are not going to a new school, the first week is still stressful. If possible, have a lot of down time after school where you are there to listen if they need to talk. Keep your schedule free from obligations so that you are there to help.

Then...

1. Establish a sleeping and eating schedule.
For the next week, be sure that bed times and wake up times, as well as meal times follow your upcoming school schedule. First, it will keep your kids rested so that the first few days are not too overwhelming. Remember, everything is more stressful when we are tired. And it will start to condition their bodies to the new times. The meal times are really important also. It you have been eating lunch at 11 all summer, but they won't eat until 12:15 when they are at school, their little bodies will be huuuungry. Feed them at the appropriate times so they are adjusted.

2. Turn off the TV (especially in the mornings). 
Instead, have your children color, do puzzles, write stories, play games, read or read to them, etc...This will get their brains working and concentrating again. It will also help their attention spans. In a few short days they are going to have to sit and focus and self motivate. Help them start doing that now.

3. Round up the necessary school supplies.
Not only will you be ready, but kids worry about having what they need. For most kids, waiting until the last minute to pack those supplies makes them worry. Do your best to check off the supply list early this week so that your youngsters don't loose sleep over it. An added bonus...your kids won't keep asking every ten minutes when you are going to go get the school supplies because you will already have them.

4. Attend back to school night...visit the school.
This one is really important. Attend back to school night so your children can meet their teachers, see where they are sitting, and get an overall feel of how things work. While you are there, run through the library, playground, lunch room, meeting places for drop off and pick up and anything else they are curious about. Don't rush, so that your children can ask questions and get answers. They will feel much better if they know what to expect and where to go that first day. 

5. Practice.
At least once, twice if you can, take a practice run. Set the alarms, get up, go through the routine, and drive to school. See how things go and trouble shoot any problems. Maybe you need to move where you put the backpacks, or it takes a little longer to drive to school than you thought. Go through the motions and help your kids understand what has to be done each morning to be on time. If your child is going to ride a bus, practice (drive) the bus route also. Rehearse the drop off and pick up locations, and drive the route so kids know how things are going to work. 

6. Find out who else is in your child's class.
Here in Utah, class lists go up tomorrow. We will be looking to see if our kids know any of their class mates. If they do, great, explain that they already know someone. That will ease their mind. If they don't, and your children are worried, think about contacting a few of the children and maybe getting together at the park so they can meet and make friends. Then, on the first day, when they walk in, they will be surrounded by friends, not strangers.

7. Prepare the house.

Take some time before school starts to get the house ready. Designate a Drop Zone. This is a place for backpacks, coats, school papers, etc... All the things that kids like to drop on the floor right inside the door when they come home from school. Kids are much more likely to help keep things clean and organized if they know where things belong. Having a place for these everyday articles will make school go much smoother. It will make finding everything in the morning much easier and less stressful, and it will keep you from feeling like the new school year has taken over your house. 

A little preparation will go a long ways. Preparing ourselves, our families and our homes will make going Back to School a good experience for everyone. 

Are you ready for your kids to go back to school?

How do you prepare for Back to School?

(We talked about most of these tips last year too!)

FAMILY FUN FRIDAY - THE BEST Game!

Just can't say it enough, This game is really fun.

The MATERIALS will depend on what you do in your family. You can also play with no materials at all. Keep reading, you will see what I mean.

How to Play
You will want to choose a Host. Then, if your family or group is large, arrange everyone into groups. If you are smaller, then everyone can play as their own team. If you are playing with lots of people the rule stands that everyone has to participate in at least one round.

The Rules
The Host will announce the contest category for the group. (For example: "The Tallest")
Then, each group will select one person who they think will win the category.
There will be a category contest and if a person has "THE BEST" within the category, his or her team gets a point.

*if you are playing as individuals, everyone will compete in each category and the winner will get a point.*

SO this is how it would work. The Host would say "The Tallest". Then, if you are in groups, each group would pick the person they think could win "The Tallest". One person to represent the group.
Then, Once every group has their representative, or each individual is ready, The Host will then announce what has to be done. For example, with "The Tallest", then the Host could say, "The Tallest...Thumb".
Everyone playing that round would come together to see who had the tallest thumb. That person would then get a point.

Here are some category and contest examples. Use these, and add your own.

-The Tallest....THUMB
-The Fastest....CRAB WALKER
-The Highest....JUMPER
-The Longest....STARE IN A STARING CONTEST
-The Fastest....ALPHABET SONG SINGER
-The Quickest....TO BALANCE 5 DICE ON THE END OF A TOUGUE DEPRESSOR HELD IN YOUR MOUTH.
-The Farthest....MAKE A PAPER AIRPLANE AND SEE WHO'S GOES THE FARTHEST.
-The Shortest....SHOE SIZE
-The Biggest....WHO CAN BLOW THE BIGGEST BUBBLE.

As you can see, the possibilites are endless. You can make them as complicated or basic as you would like. You will find your family/group, laughing out loud.

What are you The Best at? Do you have the tallest thumb?

Have a Great Weekend!

FAMILY FUN FRIDAY - Balloon Balance!

Time to round up your family and have some fun.

Materials

Balloons

Cookie Sheets

How To Play

Gather your cookie sheets and balloons. You will want to blow up a balloon for every person. And a few extras because if your house is anything like our house, someone will pop one before the game begins. 

Divide your family or group, into two teams. 

Form two lines on one side of the room. Establish a "pick-up" line on the other side of the room. 

Place all the balloons but one (for each team), at the "pick-up" line.

At the starting line, where you have your two teams lined up, have the first person hold the cookie sheet and place one balloon on the cookie sheet. 

When you say "go" the first person has to go across the room with their balloon on the cookie sheet, WITHOUT LETTING THE BALLOON FALL OFF. Once they get to the "pick-up" line, they have to bend over, get another balloon, and carry them on the tray WITHOUT THEM FALLING OFF, back to the starting line. 

They then have to pass the cookie sheet, WITH THE BALLOONS ON IT, to the next person. The second person on each team then has to walk back across the room to the "pick-up" line, get another balloon, and carry all three back to the start line and pass the cookie sheet to the next person. 

THE GOAL: to get all the balloons on the cookie sheet and carry them back and forth without letting any of the balloons fall off. 

RULES: You decide how you want to play. You can either use your hands or other body parts to help keep the balloons in place as you walk, or you can't. Up to you. You can also change this rule, depending on who is playing. It is a good way to make things harder for older kids and adults, and easier for younger kids, so everyone can play together. 

You also decide what to do if a balloon drops. You can either make the team start over from the beginning with only one balloon. Make the person bend down and pick up the balloon and start back up where it dropped off, or make them start that lap over. You decide. 

Whichever team does it first, wins. 

Summary: Walk across, pick up a new balloon, walk back, pass the cookie sheet. Walk across, pick up another balloon, walk back, pass the cookie sheet. Never let the balloons drop. 

VARIATION 1

If you are playing with very small children, the cookie sheets might be too heavy to carry. You can use a piece of cardboard, the top of a box, the top of a small tupperware container, etc...

VARIATION 2

If your family isn't very big, or if you don't want to form two teams, you don't have too. Instead have each person play and time them. Whoever has the fastest time wins. You can also play that whoever can carry the most balloons without them falling off, wins. 

VARIATION 3

If you are playing with younger children, let them use their other hand to hold the balloons on the cookie sheet or cardboard as they walk. 

VARIATION 4

Instead of each person carrying the cookie sheets across the room AND back, each person can just carry the tray one direction, then pass the cookie sheet to the next person. If you go this route, just have the teams split up and put some of each team on either side of the room when you start. 

Have a wonderful weekend!

Exciting News and a GIVEAWAY!

Two weeks ago I received a really exciting email. An invitation to contribute to Mom's Best Network. The site just launched last week and it is lovely. Mom's Best is all about empowering mothers and women to become their very best. I love their use of the word become. It is a good reminder that life is a process and we all here to help one another do our best.

There are amazing contributors. All lovely women who believe in supporting one another. Be sure you follow along. You will love what you see.

In conjunction with Mom's Best, we have a giveaway today.

Each week Mom's Best chooses "HOT Product Winners". These are products that mother's endorse and love. This week, one of the HOT product winners for new moms is Zoobies Pets.

Have you heard of Zoobies? Our kids have been asking for one for forever. They are plush pets, that are also pillows, AND a blanket. Not just a little blanket, but a great big blanket, big enough for your kids to curl up in.

The Giveaway

TWO WINNERS will each have their choice of a Zoobies Blanket Pet. 

Here's how to enter.

Leave a comment on this post telling me who would get the Zoobies Pet if you win. Don't forget your email address.

Extra Entries. 
Leave a separate comment for each entry.

1. "Like" Zoobies on Facebook

2. "Like" Mom's Best on Facebook.

3. Pin any post from Family Volley to Pinterest. 

4. Tweet about this giveaway. 

Giveaway will run through Friday April 20th and the winner will be announced on Saturday April 21st.

I was not compensated in anyway for this giveaway. Opinions are all mine. 

Potty Talk and Dirty Mouths

I don't like the word "potty", let alone a "potty mouth", and our kids know that we don't say "bad words". But... regardless of our children's ages, they are hearing and maybe saying words that we don't approve of.

So what can we do to stop the "poopoo heads" and four letter words. Here is some advice to help beautify those mouths.

• When the potty talk, or bad words come out, Don't overreact. That is what your child wants you to do. If we get upset and draw extra attention to the words, our kids will use them again to get more attention. Stay calm. The potty talk will usually take care of itself. 

• When children are small, teach them the correct names for body parts. They will be normal "no big deal words" to your kids and they won't get any satisfaction or excitement out of using them. So true for little kids who like to use "poop and pee" talk.

• Children need lots of attention and validation. Whether the attention comes from positive or negative actions, they are still getting attention. So, make sure that your kids are getting lots of positive attention. 

• Give your children choice. When children get to choose, they feel like they have some control in their lives. They won't feel like they need to gain control by using bad language. 

• Watch our language. If we are using inappropriate language, so will our children. This happened to us today. My husband said "these kids were screwing around at school" in front of our 3 year old (I know that is not a four letter word, but...we don't want our three year old saying it). Our three year old spent the rest of the day saying "screwing around". Hearing it once was all it took. My husband learned quick, to watch every word.

• Do not respond to bad language or potty talk. Our children are looking for attention, responding will give them that attention. Just like when our children get demanding or backtalk, we need to make it clear that we won't respond unless they speak using appropriate words. Walk away if you need to. 

• Be cautious with media. Is the music your teenager is listening to filled with bad language? Are your young children watching t.v. filled with "potty talk?" Turn them off. Make it clear that those shows and songs are not acceptable in your house. Shows affect the tones our children use when they speak also. (If your child has ever watched Caillou you probably know what I mean).

• Be careful with friends. Are your children around other kids who use language you don't approve of? Our daughter learned "poop head" from the neighbor next door. I made the mistake of letting them play again. The next time she came home saying "pee pee face". Our daughter doesn't play with that little girl any more. She said, "but Jane says poop head, why can't I?" I had to make it clear that just because Jane says that word, doesn't mean it is okay in our family. Our son no longer rides his bike with the boy up the street who started saying "four letter words." (Really bad "four letter words"). 

• Set the ground rules early. Make it clear what words your kids (and yourself) can and can not say.

• Teach kids how to manage and deal with their anger. Older kids usually swear because they are angry or trying to fit in and be popular. If they learn young how to manage their anger, they will be less likely to swear when they are mad. Teach self-mastery. Help build your child's self esteem so that they don't feel the need to act out, to "fit in" and be popular. Make sure they know how popular they are in your eyes so they aren't overly seeking that attention in other places. 

• Words have power. We need to teach our children that words have power. Especially our older children. Using them inappropriately can be degrading, mocking and scornful. Help our children examine the effects that harsh words have on others, and on ourselves.

• Evaluate. Why the "foul talk?" Are they doing it for attention, are they rebelling, out of anger, for popularity? Look for the root of the problem. Address it. 

• Set clear consequences. There needs to be consequences for swearing. Make sure your children understand those consequences and that you enforce them. 

Here are four of the most popular consequences.

1. Have your child wear a rubber band on their wrist. Every time they say a swear word they have to snap themselves with the rubber band. Probably better for older, teenage children.

2. When your child says an inappropriate word, they have to go to the dictionary and find a more appropriate word to use instead. Then they have to use that word in a sentence and teach it to the rest of the family. You could even have them write a story using the new word. For little children, help them look up the word and then have them draw a picture of the new word in use. 

3. Make a "swearing jar" and a "non-swearing jar". Every time someone says a swear word, or there is "potty talk", the offender has to put money in the "swearing jar". Make this a family affair. It goes for adults also. You hope this jar stays very empty. If it does stay empty, or doesn't exceed a certain amount, then the parents make a contribution to the "non swearing jar". The contribution could be made daily or weekly. When this jar gets full (or reaches a certain amount), the family uses it to go out for ice cream, or to go bowling, or for another fun family activity. Praise everyone as they use good language and the "non-swearing jar" fills up.

4. Loss of privileges. "Potty talk and "swearing" means they miss out on some of their favorite things.

It is very normal for young children and teenagers to go through "dirty mouth" phases. We can't stop the words from coming out of their mouths, but we can do a few things that shorten the "phase" and keep things on track. 

DO YOU USE THE WORD POTTY IN YOUR HOUSE? (just wondering)

WHAT WAS THE CONSEQUENCE IN YOUR HOUSE IF YOU SAID A "BAD WORD?"

Taking Our Stress Out on Our Kids?

As mothers, it seems we are constantly trying to juggle a million responsibilities. With these responsibilities comes stress, a lot of stress. 
Enter children, and before we know it, we are taking all our stress out on them. Isn't it interesting, we often treat strangers and coworkers better than our own family. 


Take a few minutes to figure out what is causing the stress. Are we tired, overwhelmed, money trouble, marriage stress or work stress? Maybe we have just had a long day. Regardless, Stress is going to happen, and we should do all we can to avoid taking it out on our children. They don't understand what we are dealing with and it is not their fault.


On top of that, dumping our stress on our children is not the answer either. We don't need to tell them all our woes. They can't fix it, they don't understand it, and at their age, they don't need to be stressed and worried about grown up problems.


So.. What can we do?


Focus on our children - Don't Multitask
When we have a lot to do, and a lot on our minds, it is easy to think that multitasking is the answer. When we are trying to make dinner, help kids with homework, fold laundry, AND listen to our 5 year old talk about their day, everything else will be more important than what happened at recess. We take our frustrations and stress out on our children because they are making it hard for us to get EVERYTHING ELSE done. The laundry can wait, and so can dinner. Sit down with your child. Give them your undivided attention and focus on their words and their facial expressions. Not only will it bring you closer, but we won't see them as a stress, we will see them as the children we love more than anything. Remember LOVE is spelled T-I-M-E.


Establish a routine
We need to put our families and children on a routine. With a routine, we will know what to expect and so will our children. This will eliminate a lot of stress that comes from the unknown and from struggles with bed time and meal time. Our children will be better behaved when things are predictable. This mean less stress triggers for us as mothers.


Minimize 
Minimize the stuff in our homes. When we have more than we can maintain, even if it is just too many clothes, everything becomes overwhelming and stressful. We will quickly take our stress out on our children. Work to make the spaces in our lives manageable. Give away, throw out, and get rid of. The clutter in our homes and cars becomes overwhelming and makes the other stresses seem even worse. 


Don't Over Schedule
We shouldn't over schedule ourselves or our children. To many things on our family plates will always bring stress. Our kids don't need to be involved in a million extra curricular activities, and we don't have to say yes to every play date and activity. We need to PROTECT our families time. This protection will bring peace and time together. Plus there will be less rushing. Rushing compounds stress.


Have Realistic Expectations
We don't have to be super women. And, we SHOULD NOT COMPARE OURSELVES TO OTHER MOMS. We need to be realistic about what we can tackle and undertake. When we start comparing we tend to see everyone else's strengths and our weaknesses. It is never a fair comparison. We should surround ourselves with people and things that are supportive and uplifting. Not things that make us feel inadequate.


Put Ourselves in our Children's Shoes 
As mothers, we need to take a minute to see things from our children's perspectives. Have empathy. Realize they don't mean to upset us. They are young, learning, and inquisitive. They don't know rush, hurry, or quick. If we can take just a second and see things from their eyes, we will not be so quick to take our frustrations out on them. 


See our Children as People
When we are stressed, it is easy to see our children as objects. Objects that are keeping us from what we are trying to do. We are trying to make dinner, or answer the phone, or fold the laundry and their need for help or attention is getting in the way. We need to see them as people. Little people. They have thoughts and hopes and dreams and good days and bad days just like us. It is the laundry that is actually getting in the way of us being with our kids, Right?


Manage our Time
Clique, I know, but vital. Time management is so important to our lives. We do need to stay organized and manage our responsibilities and the time it takes to get things done. 


Plan Ahead
This goes right along with managing our time. Being prepared and planning ahead will help eliminate a lot of our family stress. Make lunches for school the night before, lay out clothes the night before, even set the breakfast table before you go to bed each night. Round up backpacks and school work, shoes and socks before everyone goes to sleep. Make reasonable preparations to eliminate having to rush. Rushing brings stress, especially with children. 


Have a Sense of Humor
Laugh. When you are ready to loose your temper with your children because you are stressed, laugh first. Even if you have to force yourself. You will find it fixes a lot of things. 


Find Time For Yourself 
As mother's we are always taking care of other people. We forget to take care of ourselves. We should pick one or two things we would like to learn or get better at, hobbies or interest, and find time for them. Along with this, we need to eat right, exercise, even if it is just a walk around the block, and get enough sleep. When we are hungry and tired we loose our temper and take our frustrations out on our kids. 


Play together as a Family
We have to find time to recreate and relax together as a family. Life needs to be filled with work and play. When families play together they grow closer, develop stronger relationships, and have more patience for one another. Plus it is a needed diversion from the stress we deal with each day. Find time at least once a week to do something fun together (this doesn't mean it has to cost money).


Stress is part of life. Taking it out on our kids doesn't have to be. 


DO YOU EVER CATCH YOURSELF TAKING YOUR STRESS OUT ON YOUR KIDS?
HOW DO YOU MANAGE YOUR STRESS?

Bedtime Battles

After a full day with kids, minding our patience and trying to be creative, loving, attentive and understanding, it seems that when the bedtime battles begin, our patience goes out the window. This is a hard time of day for many families.

I offer some suggestions to make getting your little ones in bed easier.

First, understand how much sleep your children should be getting each night.
A three year old should be getting about 12 hours of sleep total, that includes naps.
Four year olds, 11 and 1/2 hours of sleep.
Five year olds, 11 hours of sleep.
Six and Seven year olds should still be getting about 11 hours of sleep.
Eight and Nine year olds, 10 hours
Ten year olds, still about 10 hours.
Thirteen year olds, 9 hours.
(Ferber, R. 2006)


Also consider that sleep breeds sleep. There is this misnomer that if you keep kids up so they are extra tired, they will sleep better and longer. Not necessarily the case. Haven't you ever put your child to bed late and they don't sleep in, instead they wake up at the same time they always do? Instead, recognize that the more your child sleeps, the more your child will sleep.

• Set a bed time and STICK WITH IT. This is so important. Don't let bed be whenever. Set a time that is best for your child and put them to bed at that time every night. The more lenient you are with bed time, the more bedtime battles.
• If you are trying to establish a new bed time, maybe because you have been putting your child to bed too late and you are trying to change that, make the adjustment gradually. You can't make bed time an hour earlier and expect children to automatically adjust. The best thing to do is over the course of a few weeks, move bed time up by 15 to 20 minutes each night until you have reached your desired bed time. This will allow your child's body to adjust to the new time gradually. There will be less stress involved for you and your child. 
• ESTABLISH A BED TIME ROUTINE. I can't say enough about this. First, start your bedtime routine at least 30 MINUTES BEFORE you want your children to be in bed. This might sound like a lot, but think about it. They need time to wind down just like we do. Rushing through brushing teeth and prayers, only to throw them in bed and turn out the lights. Of course they are going to holler our name 20 times. They have not been allowed to do and say all that they need. 

Establish a routine, a sequence in which you will accomplish the same bedtime tasks every night. In our house we put on our pajama's and hang up our clothes; go to the bathroom, brush out teeth, read a book or two, spend a few minutes talking about the day and then we say prayers. Then with hugs and kisses we turn out the lights. We stick to the same order every night. If I suggest we do it any other way, my kids are the first to remind me that "we never brush our teeth before we put on our pajama's." By sticking to a routine, kids know what to expect, they also feel safe and secure because there is predictability. Kids like it when things are predictable. It brings comfort.

Bed time routines are also a great way to connect at the end of the day. My husband loves this time of the day because it is his time to connect with our kids. He hears what they did at school, they tell him what they are excited and worried about. They wrestle and tease. There is great power in this time of day. Embrace the opportunities to connect with your children. (Believe me I know this is hard when all you can think about is all the things that you will "finally" be able to do now that your kids are in bed. But don't rush it.)

• Don't threaten. When kids get out of bed, or drag their feet at bed time, try not to say things like "If you don't get in bed right now, you can't play tomorrow." This will only make things worse. Instead, stick to a routine, give your kids lots of time to get ready for bed, and talk about the fun things that you will do, like "It's time to read a book, do you want to pick one out?". "Why don't you tell me what you liked best about today and then we will turn out the lights." These approaches will get you much better results. 
• Teach children to sleep in their own beds. I recognize that there are many opinions surrounding this. You have to do what is best for your family. I still suggest that you put children in their own beds and teach them to sleep there. It is good for them, and for you and your spouse. If you have found yourself in this sticky situation and you are trying to get your toddlers to get back in their own beds, I suggest the firm approach. "You need to sleep in your bed." When children get out, with little to no words at all, return them to their beds. Be patient, breaking the habit will take time, but don't give in, not even one night.
• Don't get 10 glasses of water. If you have put your little ones down for the night and they call you up for a drink, or because they want to "tell you something." Only respond once. Explain that they can have one request and that is all. They will learn to use that request wisely and pretty soon, the requests will stop. Going up every time they call will fuel the fire and drag the process out for hours. 

If as parents we can change the way we think about putting our kids to bed, it will really help with the bedtime battles. It can be a great time of day when we relax, connect, listen and teach. But, we have to be structured, and DILIGENT.

If bedtimes are already difficult in your family, remember that behavior can be modified. Don't give up hope, be patient and don't quit.

DO YOU HAVE BEDTIME BATTLES?

Family Volley