Wednesday

Finding More Quality Time For Your Family

Today in the mail I received all the welcome information for our kids to start school. It is hard to believe it is that time all ready. Soon the summer days will be gone and we will be back "at-it." I love not having to be up and out the door with three kids at 8:30. I appreciate the flexibility that summer gives our family. 

I start to wonder, can I really do this again? Packing lunches at dawn, homework, baseball practice, teaching, piano, dance, grocery shopping, rushing home to get dinner on the table, the kids in bed, just to start it all over again the next day? I am not the only parent concerned about the rush that the school year brings. I have received a number of questions from concerned moms about how to focus more on family and less on the hectic lifestyle that they are living. 

As your thoughts turn to the new school year, I offer some suggestions to help you find more quality family time.

#1: Limit Your Children's Activities.
Limit your kids to one, maybe two, after-school activities. Shoot for one. This may be a harder decision for you than for your kids. We tend to want our children to be involved in everything and learn every skill and talent. Kids also feel pressure from teachers and peers to be involved in lots of different activities. Choices have to be made. Think of it this way: Teaching your kids to make choices is an essential part of a parent's job. These activities build skills and give kids a sense of what they can do. But time spent with the family gives them a sense of who they are. Plus, if your kids are always away from the family at their different activities, they can't be spending time with the family. Don't over schedule your kids. 

#2: Limit Your Activities.
As parents, we need to limit our activities. A good rule of thumb, no more than one night out for each parent, per week. When we are gone all the time we can't be there for our families when they need us. The rituals that build closeness- bedtime stories, walks after dinner, playing games, talking-can't happen when Mom and Dad are always gone. Don't over schedule yourself. This doesn't include Date Night. Date night is essential to keeping marital relationships strong and on track. 

#3: Turn off the T.V.
Turn the TV off during meals, especially dinner. In fact, consider turning the TV off Monday through Thursday. You will love the difference it makes in your home. There will be less contention. There will be more talking amongst family members. More will get done around the house and you will appreciate the calm atmosphere. There will be more time for homework, reading, talking and playing. Remember the TV post? There are better things for families to do than spend excessive amounts of time watching TV.  Plus, having the TV on in the background adds another level of noise and stress. 

#4: Eat Dinner Together.
Set a standing time for dinner and stick to it. Make it clear that all family members are expected to be there to eat together. This could be one of the most important rituals you have with your family. Do what ever it takes to sit down together. Make it special. Light candles, set the table, use special dishes. Don't discuss discipline issues, don't answer the phone, turn off the TV. Make it a safe place where every family member feels loved and accepted. If dinner is impossible for you to eat together, eat breakfast together. Just eat together everyday. 

#5: Get Some Sleep.
Set a bed time for your children, and for you. 10 pm or 11pm at the latest (for you of course.) Stick to it. When we are rested we feel calm. When we are calm we are better able to deal with our families. We are more calm, more clear headed, more loving and compassionate. I know what you are thinking. "I have too much to do and I only have time when everyone is asleep." I hear you. I understand. I am the same way. Regardless, getting the sleep we need will bless our lives. If we are not over scheduled we will be able to admonish this suggestion. Do what needs to be done, and let the rest go. It will still be there in the morning, promise. 

#6: Read Together.
Whether it is at night as part of your bedtime ritual, or during the day, find time to read with your children everyday. We read stories every night before bed. We also like our reading tree. We take a blanket and a book outside and sit below our favorite tree and have reading time together. Great bonds are created when we sit down and read together. 

#7: Cook Double.
Dinner is one of the hardest times of the day. Everyone is tired, hungry and there is much to do. Simplify your meal prep so that you can spend more time with your family and there will be less stress. One way to do this is to cook double. Double your recipes, freeze, and save half for another night. It is worth finding a dinner plan that works for your family. Plan ahead, try to prepare, and simplify. 

#8: Plan a Fun Family Activity Every Week.
Friday nights are perfect for a family activity. They don't have to be expensive. Remember, Family Fun Friday is always around to give you ideas. Be creative. Check out what your communities and cities have to offer. Take a hike, play a game and make a homemade dessert. Anything together. I know a family that goes out every Saturday night together. The children take turns planning the activity. They are given a 5 dollar budget. They have been carrying out this tradition since their children were very small. The children have become so creative, most of the time they don't even need the 5 dollars. These weekly activities give your families a chance to regroup, and reconnect. 

There is a great analogy that I like to use in class from Stephen Covey. 
Pretend that you are trying to cut down a tree. Next to you is someone else trying to do the same thing. You work and work and never take a break. Never the less, the person next to you finishes before you do. You question what they have done. 
"How is it you finished first? Especially when you took breaks every hour?"

The response, "I might have taken a break every hour, but what you didn't see was that during each break I sharpened my saw." 

We often think that our families will function better if we put our noses down and never take a break. That is not the case. We need to take a break and sharpen our saws. Take time to spend with our families, engaged in fun, interactive, meaningful activities. We will be more productive, and happier. 

These 8 suggestions will make a HUGE difference in your family. If we want to protect our families from the 24/7 world that is trying to take over, we must decide to make our home and families our fortress. We have to be intentional with our families time. Family time will not happen unless we make it happen. 

ANYONE ELSE SAD THAT THE SCHOOL YEAR IS UPON US? 
DOES YOUR FAMILY STRUGGLE TO FIND TIME TO BE TOGETHER?

Family Volley

P.S. Thank you for all your kind comments and support with yesterday's post. It made my day.  




12 comments:

  1. It is hard to set a time for dinner. Matt is at school until 7:30 at night, I work 40 min from home. It isn't easy trying to get everything together. Even the kids' naps get thrown off in the summer. The school year is the best for our family. The thing I keep telling myself is that when I finally get to stay home; there will be a routine with dinner and nap times. I try as best i can to do it now, but there is only so much I can do:)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I need to add this whole list to my to do list, hehehehe. :)
    Seriously, thank you for the reminders. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Amanda,
    That is all that can be asked. We all just do the best we can. Could you find a way to eat breakfast as a family together instead? I know mornings are crazy too, but maybe an early meal would work.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have to keep it on my todo list also. It is easy to get busy and forget.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am certain you meant keep the tv of except for Wednesday and Thursday during SYTYCD. :) I agree with all of this- especially the dinner suggestion. We don't have a set time as my husband's work schedule varies, but the kids know that when the garage door comes up, they need to get their tushies to the table for dinner!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Amanda,
    Sorry I forgot, Keep the TV off except for Wed and Thurs. HAHAHA! Dinner does make a big difference. It is great that your kids know that the sound of the door means "meal time." It is not about what time you do it, as much as the fact that you do it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am so sad the school year is here! I almost cried today in the grocery store thinking about packing school lunches. I have to send my oldest to first grade this year. I hate that she will be at school more than she is at home. (At least during the time she is awake.) And school starting also means my husband has to go back to teaching. Double yuck.

    ReplyDelete
  8. What an excellent reminder. Great analogy too. Here's to staying sane.

    ReplyDelete
  9. What an awesome post. I struggle with this everyday sometimes. Have a great week!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello,

    My wife and I have been married for 15 years. For over five years I have been dealing with jealousy issues because of flirting and her having emotional type affairs with other men. I felt like my masculinity was in question and if I said the way she was acting bothered me, it seemed to make matters worse or I was accused of being controling. During this period I did state I wanted a divorce if the behavior was not going to end: texting men a night, leaving for the weekend without letting me know where she was going or not responding to messages. We do have a son and basically it's been him and I for the last year on the weekends. She disconnected completely from being a good wife and mother. In April she said she wanted a separation and I said no we need to get into marriage counseling. We did try that, but she was not very responsive and didn't give any effort. Afterward she was adamant about separation and divorce. I continued to say no and that we needed to save our family. She presented a separation agreement and I had to hire a lawyer. Because of the above behavior my lawyer suggested a private investigator. The investigator discovered my wife was having an affair with a close friend of the family who also is married with children. We know the extended families. I feel like I should tell this man's wife about what happened. This adultery has devastated me emotionally, I feel betrayed and I'm physically drained. I know my wife is passionate in terms of her sexuality, and I can't get the thought of them out of my head. It makes me question my own manhood, and I feel very inferior or that he must be a better lover or what ever. The problem is my wife pursued him. She would go to him and she lured him into this adultery. I felt this was coming for some time and could not stop it. She was not only lying to me but also to our son about what she was doing and where she was going. My family is important, my son loves her and as crazy as it sounds so do I. Can you respond with a course of action on how to proceed? I was still have a very huge place in my heart for her. so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Ahmed can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a spell for me. 28 hours later, my wife came to me and apologized for the wrongs she did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I, my son and my wife are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Ahmed. as it is a place to resolve marriage/relationship issues, do you want to be sure if your spouse is being faithful to you or Do you want your Ex to come back to you Contact.: E-mail: Ahmedutimate@gmail.com or call/Whats-app: +2348160153829 save your crumbling home and change of grades its 100% safe. I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you.
    David L. Ollis, 43yrs, UK

    ReplyDelete
  11. How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

    I am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Makospelltemple@yahoo.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Mako. His email: Makospelltemple@yahoo.com OR.His WhatsApp Number:+2347054263874.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I am struggling with parenting after divorce https://onlinedivorcetexas.com/how-to-file-your-own-divorce-in-texas/. The kids stayed with the ex while I went to nursing school. I was a stay at home mom for many years before the break up but now that I'm back, understandably I'm not the primary parent. They don't voice that I abandoned them during that time, but I strongly feel I did. I have a lot of guilt and even though I felt I did it to reduce the damage (ie not have to lose the house) I'm regretting how I went about it. They act out as most teenagers do, but my hands are tied when I try to "parent". Have I lost all rights to? Can I repair the damage? Do I sit back and watch and not do anything because I've lost the right to? Anyone who has experienced this i would appreciate your advice. Even if it's harsh. Thanks

    ReplyDelete

Hi Hi! It always makes my day to hear what you have to say. Let's keep this conversation going. Thank you for your comments. Don't want to leave a comment here, email me at blog.familyvolley@gmail.com.

 
Designed By: Wacky Jacqui's Designs