Note to Self...Each One is Different

Don't let the similar faces fool you...They are complete opposites. 

My husband and I have spent the last two hours talking about our kids. This isn't unusual. We have sat and talked about our kids since we met, before our kids were born. Lately though, our conversations have changed. There is less talk about "the kids". Instead the conversations are very child specific.

We usually start with the youngest. She has the least complicated life. After all, she is only two. Then we go up from there. It takes time because although they carry the same genes, they are very different. This becomes more and more apparent as they grow.

They have their own strengths and weaknesses.
They have their own hopes and dreams.
They have their own understandings and confusions.
They have their own struggles and temptations.

They need attention for different things, and they need us to recognize them in different ways. 
They need to be loved the same but different.

As parents, for us to be successful, we continue to realize how individual our actions need to be. Lumping our kids together means we are missing out on what they need and how they need it.

Being a parent is a catch twenty two. Developing an ability to see what your family needs as a whole, while seeing each individual family member as an individual takes work, and faith, and patience. It takes discernment and insight.

It takes a lot of those late night, long conversations where you think and think and pour your heart out about your kids.

You see yourself in each of them. Good and bad. You want them to have experiences, but you want to spare them pain.

Above it all you want them to be happy, to know who they are, what they believe in, and that you love them more than words can ever, ever begin to describe.

You want them to know that it is their differences that you love as much as their similarities.



  1. I love this post -- it is something I have really been wanting to do more of -- parent individually and not the same, but I'm left wondering how to do just that. I would love to hear more of your insights!

  2. I'm always struck by how different my kids are from each other. The neat thing is that we all complement each other well.

  3. Excellent post. My kids are like night and day. They are in their late 30s now, and each is wonderful in his way, but they definitely are different.

    I just stopped by from SITS to say hello. Hope you have time to do the same. BTW, you're kiddos are adorable!

  4. They need to be loved the same but different. So true! So hard! We are struggling with this right now as the personalities are starting to come out in full force.

  5. My kids are night and day, my daughter is sensitive and the tears flow freely. My son, is stubborn, bullheaded (ahem.. like myself)

  6. A couple of books, "The 5 Love Languages" and the Fortune's "Discover your Children's Spiritual Gifts" really helped me understand why my sons respond the way they do. It takes the sting out of many situations, especially when I understood that each gifting has a nuturing edge and a sharp edge - and helping us all to learn to use the nuturing edge. I have 5 sons - and each of them are different, though some have the same spices (like a recipe)that are used differently.

  7. Oh absolutely, but I just wish my husband and I could talk honestly, openly, and without blame, defensiveness, and shame regarding the kids and their issues, treatment, and struggles. We really have a hard time working as a team! :( I am so jealous of you both. Your kiddos are lucky to have you all.

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