Monday

Avoid the Red Pen-Follow the 90/10 Rule


The summer between my first and second year of graduate school, I was asked to take a TA class. As a graduate student we were often assigned to help a professor, and those responsibilities could include grading papers, or anything else they needed help with. We needed training.

One of the very first things they taught us was to AVOID THE RED PEN. They taught us not to use a red pen when we were grading papers or assignments. They suggested that any other color, even pink or orange would be better.

I thought this was funny. Every teacher I think I ever had in high school used a red pen to mark mistakes and incorrect answers. (And some in college too..)

They went on to teach us how a red pen immediately puts someone on the defensive. It makes the mistakes stand out over the things the student might have gotten right. This discourages the student. The color itself makes us feel negative.

They also taught us that when grading a paper, we should always try to SAY SOMETHING POSITIVE FIRST, before we made a negative comment on what we were grading.

Not only have these principles helped me as a teacher, but they have also helped me as a parent. They can help all of us.

How?....

AVOID THE RED PEN- don't constantly point out our children's shortcomings. We don't need to spend all our time with our children pointing out what they are doing wrong or need to do better. Sure, there are times when we need to, but not all the time. Don't be nit picky. Constantly pointing them out is like using a red pen instead of a blue one. Our kids grow up with their mistakes glaring in their face. That is discouraging, and immediately puts them on the defensive. And, it makes them feel like doing something good won't matter, because all we point out is the bad. This also means that we don't point out their mistakes to others. Use a blue pen, make the bad less obvious and praise the good.

SAY SOMETHING POSITIVE FIRST- When we talk to our children, always start with a positive statement. Then you can follow it up with the problem. Sometimes the only positive we might have to say is "I Love You". That's okay. Don't let yourself say something negative or reprimanding until you have said something positive.

Our goal should be to make 90% of our conversations with our kids POSITIVE. With only 10% negative, reprimanding, and correcting. 

Evaluate how you are talking to and "grading" your kids. Are your conversations filled with red pen? Do you follow the 90/10 rule?

These simple principles will strengthen our relationships with our children, and we will find that they will be better behaved.

What color pen do you use?
Do your conversations follow the 90/10 rule?

18 comments:

  1. I love this. I probably use way too much red pen in my conversations with my kid. Thanks for the tips, I really need them.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am pretty sure I use these tips more as a parent than I ever did as a TA. I am always reminding myself to switch colors. When I am really tired I find I reach for the red first. Yikes.

    ReplyDelete

  3. Hi Friend,

    Just now only i joined your post. It was very informative and more knowledgeable. Your post was very interesting. Thank you for sharing this type of post. keep posting more.

    also read : divorce advocate in bangalore

    ReplyDelete
  4. Glee Cheerios Cheerleading Jacket is manufactured from Nylon/ Wool Blend, the inner is designed with viscose lining, classic white-collar style, snap-tab buttoned closure, rib-knitted cuffs, and two side pockets with the rib-knitted hemline

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sustanon 250 Injection is a combination sustanon 250 buy medicine used in the treatment of male hypogonadism. It increases the testosterone levels in adult men and helps improve various health problems including impotence, infertility,tiredness, and depression.

    ReplyDelete
  6. We have been operating from last four years on this internet site “www.Https://govtjobguru.In/” to offer you cutting-edge up to date establishing Govt Jobs. You need to also read our detail articles on Career Check here to read more Opportunities in Government Sectors for the Year 2019-20. TamilNadu Govt Jobs

    ReplyDelete

  7. Data entry requires the ability freelancer jobs work from home to type quickly and accurately. Basic computer skills are a requirement for all telecommuting data entry jobs. It is often expected that you have experience working with word processing, database or presentation software like PowerPoint to be considered for data entry positions.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Writing the menu is the fun menupriceshub part of opening a new restaurant. But how do you know how much to charge so you can be sure to make a profit? Food cost and portion control are two things that will help you price your menu correctly, but you also have to be careful not to price yourself out of the local market. It's challenging to create a balanced menu that fares well against the competition and keeps you in business.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Making money through games is increasing day by day. And everybody wants to make money unanimously so here we bring such games that pay instantly to Paypal.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Spam account names are actually spam usernames for instagram usernames that exist mostly to post spammy content, such as pictures of people asking for followers. Some spammers even make posts asking for likes and follows, as well as commenting on random posts with hashtags such as.If you are using Instagram, you are most likely familiar with spam accounts. They follow you, you follow them back to end the cycle, and then they unfollow you a few days later. The accounts usually don't have many posts, and the main focus of the account will be to get as many followers and likes as possible.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Funtasia is all about unleashing the creative spark in the physical sense, stocking up on all adult toys to bring you the magic spice. Whether that means dressing in the sexiest lingerie, or playing with a world of sex toys, our wonderland caters to the very, very vivid imaginations. We love to help you express yourself and enhance your love life however you choose - so step inside and see what we’ve got waiting for you.Click Here More Details:
    flesh light

    ReplyDelete
  12. Congrats! I enjoyed following you...and meeting you in person at the ceremony was a pleasure. Wow! Thanks for sharing your experience. Well done 🙂
    We also have a stake in your health that you can get across our site sildenafilcitrates like fildena 25 & fildena ct 100mg.

    ReplyDelete
  13. As an Independent Insurance Agent with Pacific Crest Services YOU will have access to direct appointments with our carrier partners. Mass Insurance Carriers gives you the POWER to be able to write more policies, to better help your clients, and to run a highly successful insurance agency! Click Here More Details:


    Independent Insurance Agents Portland Captive Insurance Agents

    ReplyDelete
  14. I joined your post just now. I found it very informative and knowledgeable. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing this type of post. Please continue.
    We also have a stake in your health that you can get across our site sildenafilcitrates like cenforce 150 & cenforce 200.

    ReplyDelete
  15. When packing for a move, sooner or later you’ll get to packing a few cables here and there in the residence. In maximum cases, the ones cables can be electricity cords of digital devices and electric household home equipment but you’ll additionally get to packing connection cables of diverse peripheral devices, and extension cords as nicely. Click Here for more Details: Long Distance Moving

    ReplyDelete
  16. You are my friend and I value that, even though we come from such different places. Thank you for being there when I needed it, even if we aren't always on the same page. Cheerios Glee Cheerleaders Jacket

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm grateful to have you as a friend, even though we are so different. Thank you for being my friend and making me feel like I can be myself around you--I really appreciate that! Cheerios Glee Cheerleaders Jacket

    ReplyDelete
  18. I am so impressed by the way you follow the avoid-red-pen-follow-9010-rule! It shows your commitment and dedication in always going the extra mile. ipvanish coupons Your attention to detail is remarkable and I appreciate the effort you put in to ensure everything is done properly.

    ReplyDelete

Hi Hi! It always makes my day to hear what you have to say. Let's keep this conversation going. Thank you for your comments. Don't want to leave a comment here, email me at blog.familyvolley@gmail.com.

 
Designed By: Wacky Jacqui's Designs