You Were Prepared For This....So Was I

Last week I was sitting in a meeting. Meeting sounds boring. I should call it a get together instead of a meeting. It was really fun, I was surrounded by great people who felt like old friends, and it was inspiring.

So let's start again, last week I was at a get together. I left inspired by the entire 3 hours. I have replayed much of the day over and over, and there is something I can't shake. It has changed the way I am moving forward as a wife, mother and woman.

(Let me preface. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I know I have a Father in Heaven who loves me. I know I lived with Him before I was born.)

During the get together one of the presenters started talking about living with our Heavenly Father. He mentioned that we lived with our Heavenly Parents for 6000 yrs before we were born. And then he asked, "during those 6000 yrs...what did they prepare us for?"

He answered his own question.

"They prepared us for right now. They prepared us for what we doing at this minute, every minute."

This might sound simple. Maybe you have heard it before. I know I have, But it hit me, BIG.

I immediately started thinking about being a mother, and about our children. Being a mom is hard. It is the most joyous thing I have ever done, but it is not easy. There are many nights when I climb into bed and think about the day and realize that I CAN, and NEED to do better. There are many times I wonder if I have what it takes.

Now my mind was racing. I spent 6000 yrs being prepared to be a mom to our children right now. These children. There is comfort in this realization. There is power in this realization.

Can you even begin to imagine the tutelage that we received?

Since Wednesday, I have seen my role as a mother differently. I have seen my trials differently. That means I have been prepared to handle a temper tantrum. I have been prepared to handle uncertainty with my husbands profession. I have been prepared to handle demanding church callings. I have been prepared to handle the nosy neighbor who lives across the way. I have been prepared to juggle children and laundry and homework, all at the same time. I have been prepared to handle crying babies and sleepless night and growing 9 year olds that eat everything in sight. I have been prepared to love and teach, raise and console our children.

I now realize that one of the most important things I can give our children, is a parent who believes in themselves? A parent who recognizes that they have been saved to raise them, and then has confidence in their ability to do so?

A parent who trusts their instincts, a parent who believes they can be patient, who believes they can be compassionate, who believes they can discipline with love.

I need to remember on good days and bad, to shout for joy because I do have what it takes, I spent 6000 yrs being taught how to handle each and every situation.

Do you ever wonder if you have what it takes as a parent?

Tattle-Taling and A Printable

The last few weeks in our house have been filled with too much tattle-taling.

"Mom, she won't play with me."
"Mom, tell him to stop touching that"

"MOM...."

Sound Familiar?

So, I called a family meeting and we sat down to talk about all the tattling. We had talked about tattling before, but this time I decided to use a new approach. To educate our kids.

We taught the kids the difference between "Informing" and "Tattling".

It has only been one week and there has been a marked difference in our kids behavior. Hope it can help you too.

This is modified from a handout I saw at our son's school.

Note added 07/28/2012: This printable and it's content, is a modification of a handout that I saw at our son's school. It has since been brought to my attention that it is originally from material created by SuEllen Fried A.D.T.R. From what I have been able to deduce, you can find the content in her book "30 Activities for Getting Better at Getting Along". You can find more information on her site, BullySafeUSA.com. 

I worked through each of the characteristics on the list above. As we went, the kids had lots of "...but what if..." questions. We answered every one so that the differences were clear and I felt confident they understood. 

We gave examples of what might be important, or unimportant, or what might be dangerous etc... We talked for over an hour. It was great. 

The sign is now posted in our kitchen, and also in our playroom so that the kids can refer to it when they are trying to decide if they are tattling or informing. I also asked them to refer to the chart first, before they start hollering my name. ;)

I have tried to make the information into a printable for you. Not sure how successful I have been, but my hope is that you can drag the image to your desktop and then print it off if you would like to put it in your house, or in your classroom, or even use it for Sunday School.

Where can you put this chart in your house?
Do your kids need to learn the difference between "informing" and "tattling"?

How To Be A "Fun Mom"

Last week our daughter was putting on her shoes. Out of the blue she looked up and said,

"Mom, sorry to say, but Dad is more fun than you".

Yep, that's what she said. Let's be honest, it hurt a little.

My husband was in the room and said to our daughter, "You don't know your mom very well then, because she is the most fun person I know." (It was nice of him to say, hope it wasn't a token gesture.)

It's true. My husband is the fun one. He is all about fun. He doesn't worry about rules or schedules too much and is much more easy going than I am. I am more practical. I think I feel like I have to be because he is so easy going. I think I have become more practical to keep a balance.

A good example, Bedtime. I stick to bedtime. I enforce it. We read books and have fun, but we get it done, on time.

My husband's idea of bedtime is reading 20 books, and turning the lights out 2 hours late because they have played hide and seek and wrestled on the bed.

I know, I know, his way sounds more fun to me also.

I have a hard time letting go of the responsibility. I am fun, I have the thoughts and the promptings to be fun, but sometimes it can be really hard to actually "be fun".

I feel like I have been less fun lately. As our kids get older and life gets busier, maybe I have traded in some of the "fun", for the "getting it all done."

Since our daughter's comment, I have made a conscious effort to be more myself, and have more fun. I want my kids to know that I enjoy being a mom. Because I really do. I love it.

Want to be a FUN MOM? Here are some things we can do...

This girl is just like her dad. All about fun...all the time!

#1 Way to be a FUN MOM- Spend time with your kids. That will make you the most fun mom on the planet!!! 

Then...


Let Your Guard Down - RELAX!
Stop worrying about looking silly, sounding silly, or being perfect. Relax and smile. They are our kids, they are not judging us, just looking for us to love them and spend time with them. Living life up-tight, is not really living life.

Use Your Strengths - Be Yourself
I can fold a mean paper airplane and make a perfect cootie catcher. I shared this with our kids and they thought it was the coolest thing ever. It is a secret talent of mine. They thought I was so fun. I am also really good at cartwheels. Last week I demonstrated my cartwheel abilities to the kids. They were in awe. They are easy to please, but still. They thought I was fun. :)  I am also pretty good in the kitchen, and can color a mean picture.  I like to outline all the pictures and then color lighter inside the outline. The kids think that style is really cool.

It's not about what other moms are doing, or about doing it all. We don't have to be something we are not. Instead, look at your strengths and talents and use them to your advantage. What do/did you like to do? What are you good at?

I am not really comfortable talking in silly voices. I love the make believe and pretend, just not the silly changing of voices part. I always felt guilty because I didn't like talking silly with my kids. I shouldn't feel bad. So it's not one of my strengths. I have lots of other strengths. It's okay.

Use your talents, even if they are off the wall, goofy or silly.

As a kid, I had a talent/skill for jumping up on a shopping cart and riding it forever. So every time I push a shopping cart, I want to jump up on the back and take a little ride. Why not? So last week I started to jog with the cart, jumped up on the back and took a little ride with the kids. Our two oldest were running along side. You should have seen them laugh. Our son got in the car and said, "How did you get so good at that." Lot's of practice in the Scolari's Parking Lot. Yep, I know how to do lots of fun stuff.

My mom can make the coolest monkey face. I don't know how to explain it, but it's good. I used to think it was so cool when she did the face. It was one of her secret little talents, and I loved when she shared it with us. Now our kids think grandma's monkey face is cool too.

Be Spontaneous-Break the Rules
Do something out of the ordinary. Read extra books at bed time, have hot chocolate after teeth are brushed, stay up to watch a movie, an unplanned trip to the park, let your child have a bowl of cereal before bed, eat dessert first, jump on the couch. Say yes when you would normally say no. It's okay.

What can you do today, that is unexpected?

Follow Along
Watch what your kids are doing, and follow along.  Play house, color, swing, chase around the house. Follow their lead, and not only will they think you are fun, but you will really have fun. Are they acting silly, then act silly. We sometimes worry about what we are going to do with our kids. No worries, they will take care of that part for us.

I learned this lesson today. Our two oldest kids have been playing this game they made up.
Our son will say our daughters name, trying to get her to say "what"
When she says "what", he says, "you're in a bug".
She tries to do the same to him.

Yeah, it makes no sense at all, but they play it non-stop.

I was getting frustrated with the game. No one was getting anything done and enough was enough. But... Instead of nagging for the game to end (nagging moms are not fun moms), I said our son's name tonight. When he said "what", I said, "you're in a bug".
At first he was shocked, then they both laughed and laughed. We played for a few more minutes, and then they naturally stopped. All they needed was some validation, for me to play along. And just between you and me, it was actually really fun. :) I followed their lead and played along. In this case, it was also spontaneous, and they were not expecting me to jump in.

 Turn on the Tunes - Dance
Want to be more fun? Move. Dance. Jive. Boogie. Unlike our friends in high school, Kids don't judge your dance moves. They don't care.

I have made it a secret goal this year to dance with at least one of our kids everyday. (Guess it's not a secret anymore). Yesterday I danced with our 8 month old in my arms in front of the mirror. She loved it! Today I grabbed our daughters arms and started to twirl her in the kitchen. When my husband came home tonight, she ran to him to tell him how much fun we had dancing around.

When was the last time you danced with your kids?

Don't Multitask
Want to be more fun? Stop trying to do more than one thing at a time. Being with our children becomes frustrating when we are also trying to make dinner, check Pinterest, and fold laundry. All of a sudden, it feels like our kids are hindering us from what we are trying to do and we don't enjoy our time together. That isn't very fun. One thing at a time.

Say "Yes"
As mom's we can find ourselves saying "no" an awful lot. That doesn't make us very fun. "No's" are necessary, but we should try to say "yes" as much as we can. This is hard for me. "Mom, can I have another piece of gum?" I want to say no. They don't need it, they already had one, it isn't necessary. BUT... will it really hurt if they have a second piece sometimes? Of course not.

Sometimes I have an agenda, that I feel is the best, and our kids want to do things in a different order, and I want to say "No". Fact of the matter, does the order really matter? Usually it doesn't. So think about the 90/10 rule and apply it to "yes and no." Can you say "yes" 90% of the time?

What can you say "yes" to today?

Laugh
Laughter is great medicine. Want your kids to think you are really fun? Laugh with them. Having trouble laughing? Put a smile on your face for starters. You will be more fun when you smile, and then you will laugh.

I often have the thought, "I can't have fun with you, because then things won't get done around here". Nothing could be farther from the truth. When I have fun with our kids, more gets done, I feel better and so do they. And...they are more likely to help with a willing attitude which lightens my load.

Now, let's all go be FUN MOMS.

Are you a FUN MOM? What do you do?
What is your secret talent?

Avoid the Red Pen-Follow the 90/10 Rule

The summer between my first and second year of graduate school, I was asked to take a TA class. As a graduate student we were often assigned to help a professor, and those responsibilities could include grading papers, or anything else they needed help with. We needed training.

One of the very first things they taught us was to AVOID THE RED PEN. They taught us not to use a red pen when we were grading papers or assignments. They suggested that any other color, even pink or orange would be better.

I thought this was funny. Every teacher I think I ever had in high school used a red pen to mark mistakes and incorrect answers. (And some in college too..)

They went on to teach us how a red pen immediately puts someone on the defensive. It makes the mistakes stand out over the things the student might have gotten right. This discourages the student. The color itself makes us feel negative.

They also taught us that when grading a paper, we should always try to SAY SOMETHING POSITIVE FIRST, before we made a negative comment on what we were grading.

Not only have these principles helped me as a teacher, but they have also helped me as a parent. They can help all of us.

How?....

AVOID THE RED PEN- don't constantly point out our children's shortcomings. We don't need to spend all our time with our children pointing out what they are doing wrong or need to do better. Sure, there are times when we need to, but not all the time. Don't be nit picky. Constantly pointing them out is like using a red pen instead of a blue one. Our kids grow up with their mistakes glaring in their face. That is discouraging, and immediately puts them on the defensive. And, it makes them feel like doing something good won't matter, because all we point out is the bad. This also means that we don't point out their mistakes to others. Use a blue pen, make the bad less obvious and praise the good.

SAY SOMETHING POSITIVE FIRST- When we talk to our children, always start with a positive statement. Then you can follow it up with the problem. Sometimes the only positive we might have to say is "I Love You". That's okay. Don't let yourself say something negative or reprimanding until you have said something positive.

Our goal should be to make 90% of our conversations with our kids POSITIVE. With only 10% negative, reprimanding, and correcting. 

Evaluate how you are talking to and "grading" your kids. Are your conversations filled with red pen? Do you follow the 90/10 rule?

These simple principles will strengthen our relationships with our children, and we will find that they will be better behaved.

What color pen do you use?

Do your conversations follow the 90/10 rule?

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Do Your Kids Have It

The bad news: Respectful behavior in children is slowly becoming extinct. 

The good news: We can teach our children to be respectful. And along the way, teach them to be considerate, kind and honest. 

HOW?

1. Be Good Role Models
We can't be disrespectful. Children will primarily do what they see us as parents do.
Instead...
We need to model the behavior we want to see in our children. Respect our belongings, listen with full attention, be open minded and be patient with others.


2. Respect Belongings
Dont let children disrespect belongings.
Instead...
Be cautious with the amount of toys and things we give our kids. Too many things and they will not only loose interest, but the less they will appreciate each item.
When kids disrespect their toys, rushing out and replacing them is not the best solution. Explain to your children they have one doll. They need to take care of it or they won't have a doll any more.
Discuss the worth of things. When our 2 year old rips up her sisters art work, instead of reprimanding, I need to explain to her that she spent a lot of time making it and it is special to her. It hurts her feelings when she rips it up.
Make the rules clear. When my girls want to smell my perfumes, they know I have to get them out, they have to be sitting down to hold them, and they can't push the buttons. It teaches them to respect my belongings.

3. Don't Tolerate Rudeness
When we allow our children to back talk, talk bratty and be rude, we lead them to believe it's okay to sass us and other people too. As parents we need to respond to this behavior. We need to make it clear that no matter how frustrated or annoyed our children may be, it is never okay to speak to other people in those tones.
Instead...
Encourage your kids to express their feelings, using statements that start with "I". "I feel mad", "I feel frustrated". Encourage them to put their feelings into words by asking them questions. When our son is making sarcastic comments I find myself saying, "You seem upset, let's talk about it". When our daughter is hollering at her brother I could say, "You sound really mad to me, can you tell me what is going on?" It will take time for your kids to learn to express their emotions instead of being rude, but it will work. When they slip up, teach them the importance of saying "I am sorry."

4. Teach Your Children to Listen
One of the most fundamental ways to show respect to other people is to listen to them. That means giving them our time and attention. Don't let your kids watch television while you are trying to talk to them., or keep their head down in their books or looking at the floor.
Instead...
Remove distractions by turning off the T.V and putting down what they are doing. Expect them to look you in the eye and give you their attention. This means we have to do the same when our children are talking to us. Another key concept to teach, wait your turn to talk and don't interrupt others when they are talking. Wow, are we always working on this in our home. Especially when my husband and I are talking. We have had to work really hard to teach our kids to wait until we are done talking, then it is their turn.

5. Demand Good Manners
Don't let children think that manners are temporary or optional.
Instead...
Expect good manners in all situations. Gently remind children, starting very young, to say "please" and "thank you". When you are going somewhere, be sure you remind them what you expect in the upcoming situation and how they should act. It will take constant cues on your part, soon it will become natural and your children will remember on their own. Make it clear that bad manners will not be tolerated and be sure you enforce the consequences. Even if it means leaving the restaurant or get-together. When good manners are demonstrated, make sure there is lots of praise. Not just "good job, but explain to your children why the good manners are important and what their respect means to the people around them.

6. Encourage Your Children to be Open Minded
Treating others with respect means that we take some time to get to know them and understand them. This is a principle we have to teach our children. They might not like all the other kids, but they need to give them all a chance.
Instead...
Encouraging your children to get to know someone new and find out what they have in common. If after time they conclude they have nothing in common, teach them that they still deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. We have had to do this with our daughter last year. She tends to cling to one or two girls and has a tough time giving other classmates a chance. Her challenge was to play with a new person in her class every week. It made a huge difference. She is now much more accepting and open minded to all people.

7. Diversity is Okay
Children are very quick to point out differences. Every one of our children has embarrassed the heck of me at least once in a public place when they have pointed out someone who looks different. My first reaction is to quickly shush them.
Instead...
We need to explain that we are all different and that is a good thing, not bad. When you encounter new people, explain that there are differences AND similarities. We don't have to forgo our values. There are choices that other people make that are not acceptable in our home. That is fine, but that doesn't mean that we are rude or judgmental. To raise children who accept diversity we have to expose our children to different cultures and traditions. Start by letting them try different foods and learning about different cultures.

8. Rules Matter
Don't allow children to do what ever they want.
Instead...
Set boundaries so your children learn that the world doesn't revolve around them and it teaches them to respect authority. This is a skill they need at home and will need at school and in the real world.
Set the rules.
Talk about why they matter.
Explain the consequences for breaking the rules.
Be strong enough to follow through with the consequences.


ANYONE SEND A SWEET 5 YEAR OLD TO SCHOOL, ONLY TO HAVE THEM RETURN A LITTLE DISRESPECTFUL AND SNOTTY?


HOW DO YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN RESPECT?

Church with my Toddler, Yikes!

Our littlest church-go-er.

I have received more than one question about toddlers and church. First, let me make it clear that everyone has different expectations of their children in church. I expect my children to sit in church, quietly. I don't plan on spending 3 hours chasing them in halls, or around classrooms. That is just me.

It is hard, I know. I have had plenty of Sunday's when I get home and wonder why I even bothered to shower or do my hair for the occasion. I am sweaty, tired, and can't remember what the lessons were about. 

There are things we can do to make our Sunday's less stressful. 

1. If you want your child to sit through meetings with you, there is one BIG thing to understand. If your child misbehaviors and you take them out. And they get to run up and down the hall and play etc. They have just been taught that it is a lot more fun in the hall than in the meeting. As a result, they will act up just to get out to the hall. 

I would do the same. Why would I want to sit and be quiet when I could go out and run around. Children have to understand that if they are taken out it is not going to be peaches and cream. 

Take them into an empty room, sit them on your lap, and explain that is where they will stay. No exceptions. Once or twice and they will want back into that meeting. I can't emphasize how important this is for changing behavior. No child is going to sit quietly when they know that with a little noise they can be running and playing in the halls. It has to be better in the meeting than in the halls or they will always act up to get out.  

2. You will have to put in effort to get your toddlers to sit quiet for that length of time. Take a good mix of distractions and realize that YOU will have to put in effort, a lot of it, to get through the 3 hours. Or even to just get through Sacrament Meeting. Pop up books, coloring pages, picture books, and things with different textures work really well. 

Today was a pretty good day in church WHEW! Minus a few little yells. With our 2 year old, we colored in a coloring book, and went through a number of other books. Probably 4 others. We looked for familiar items, we traced shapes with our fingers, we looked for Noah's animals in a pop up book. In between we lead the music like the conductor and searched the congregation for all the kids in our daughter's nursery class. We practiced folding our arms when prayers were said, and at one point, I had her put her hand out flat and I traced around it with my fingers. Then we followed the stitching on her shoes with our fingers. We also have a little pouch that zips open and closed. Today we took the little pouch and put a toy in it. Then we practiced zipping and unzipping. Makes me tired just thinking about it all. 

With 15 minutes left, and ideas waining, we took an old tootsie roll wrapper and quietly tucked it in the pages of the hymn book and then practiced "carefully" turning pages to find the treasure. 

The point. I don't have the liberty of sitting back and expecting her to entertain herself. Eventually yes, but right now I have to put in effort if I want her to sit quiet with me in the meetings. 

3. Don't let them down. If you want your toddler to sit on the bench or on your lap, don't let them get down on the floor. Don't make it an option. You are just setting yourself up for trouble. That is when they wander, want out, want to climb under the seats, want to use their legs to escape, you know the routine. 

4. Practice, practice, practice. Everyday. Kids have to be taught to sit still. Take a few minutes each day and start teaching them to sit still. Start with 5 minutes. Put them on your lap and teach them to use a quiet voice and look through books, or color. Quietly point out things in the room. After a few days of 5 minutes, increase to 10, then increase your 10 minutes to 15 etc... Not only will your children learn to sit quiet, but you will come to really enjoy the time with them. We have to help them develop their attention span. This also applies to whispering. We practice using our quiet voice, or whispering all the time. That way when I reminder our little one at church to use a quiet voice she knows what I mean.  

5. Keep your church books and toys separate. Pack up a church bag with special and appropriate books and activities. Don't let these be a part of your kids everyday toys. That way when you pull them out at church they will be new and exciting. 

6. Careful with food and candy. Be mindful that always bribing with food can set you up for trouble as your kids get older. 

7. Don't rush out the door. Don't be too quick to rush your kids to the hall if they make a noise. People understand. If they don't, it's not your fault. You know when things are out of control, but try to work through the situation before you just give up. Sometimes all it takes is just a few seconds and you can create a distraction that quiets things down. 

After all is said and done... Remember...

Three hours of church is three hours of church. There is no way around it. It is too much for me sometimes too. Imagine being 15 months old, not understanding what is being said, and having to sit in one place for that long? When we think of the experience from our children's point of view, it helps us be a little more long suffering and compassionate.

We signed up for this. Church should still be a great experience for us, even with little ones. Still, we need to realize that when we decided to have children, we decided to sacrifice for them. That means sacrifice a church lesson too. We can't expect to sit in church and listen to what is going on like we did when we were single, or newly married. We need to have reasonable expectations. 

Our little ones CAN sit on our laps during meetings. They have the ability. You don't have to spend every Sunday in the halls. We can teach our children to sit on our laps and talk with soft voices. 

This too shall pass. Our kids will grow up. They will be old enough for nursery, they will sit still all on their own without having to be entertained. Then, we will miss their little hands, we will miss the sweaty Sunday's, and we will wish we would have enjoyed that time more. Really we will.

Laughter is good medicine. One the days when frustration has set in and we feel like we are a side show, laugh. Don't mind the people around you, or the funny looks that sometimes come from the older ladies in relief society. They might have forgotten, but they were once in our place. Trying to do their best. Just chuckle and do your best. 

We have our days, kids have their days too. Just like us, kids have tired days, hungry days, off days. It's okay. Cut them a break. Give yourself a break too. 

All of the work might not seem like it is worth it. The truth is, putting in the effort will actually start to make our lives easier. We will have confidence that we can take our children out in public, that they can sit on our laps and be quiet when we need them to be. It will give us a lot more freedom and less stress. 

Church is hard. But, there are preparations we can make at home to ease some of the pain and make it a better experience for our whole family. And, the energy and effort we put into it when our children are young will not only help them as they grow older, but will help them in school and all the other activities they participate in. It will allow us to take our children to other places with confidence.

There will be good days and bad days. We can't quit. Our effort is making a difference. Over time we will see changes and the good days will start to out weight the bad. 

WHAT ARE YOUR TRICKS FOR GETTING THROUGH CHURCH?

DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH A WAR WHEN CHURCH IS OVER?

Our Weekend

Forgive me as I get a little personal. This past weekend was a special one for us. We had nearly 20 family members in town (most of them staying at our house) for our son's baptism. I couldn't have imagined how emotional I would be. 

As his mother, I am overwhelmed by his goodness. He is the oldest. It is hard being the oldest. I know from personal experience. We place expectations on him. We expect him to make right choices. He does. He is strong and obedient and compassionate. He is a good example to his sisters. It is hard and wonderful to see him grow up. I love him very much. 

Extended Family

Our Family.

Trying to get a picture of all the kids. 

After the baptism, everyone came to our house for brunch.

Our son had asked months ago if I would make him a Book of Mormon cake for his baptism. I had to pull a late night to get it finished, but it turned out great.

My father in law thought it was real. So real, he tried to open the cover to turn pages. We were able to repair most of the damage. I took it as a compliment. It looked real enough for him to "have a read." 

Realizing that your kids are growing up is a challenge. I find myself constantly evaluating if I am preparing them well enough and wishing I could still rock them to sleep at night. 

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR KIDS GROWING UP?

WISH YOU COULD SLOW THINGS DOWN? I DO.

Family Volley

Parenting Books-LETS READ TOGETHER?

Dear Family Volley,
You have probably answered this question zillions of times before, but what books on parenting and discipline do you recommend?  Thanks so much!
New Parent in Denver


_____________---------____________________


Dear New Parent in Denver,
What a great question. Thank you.


I have two immediate suggestions. 


The first is "Leadership and Self-deception"(Arbinger Institute)

 Now, at first glance you might say, "This isn't about parenting or kids, or discipline". Oh, on the contrary, this book will change your life and your family's life. This book will help you become a better wife, mother, sister, and friend.


When I started teaching 9 years ago I had to create my class from scratch. I was undecided about a lot of the curriculum except for this book. I knew that if I taught nothing else, if my students read nothing else and decided to tune me out every lecture, if I could get them to hear this, they would have the foundation for a successful family.


We all know how college students are. They let you know if you have made them read something that was boring, unnecessary, or a waste of their time. I have taught this material to over 1500 students and never a complaint, not so much as one. In fact, they give me hugs, even the boys, thank me for making them read it and then buy 15 copies to give their families for Christmas. I read this book 5 times a year, and every time I learn something new. It can be read in a night, but takes an eternity to master. This book will. change. you. Please Believe Me. It doesn't matter what stage of life you are in, this is a must read. 
"Leadership and Self-deception" is very easy to get through, AND there are two more books that follow this one, equally as good. "Bonds That Make Us Free", and "The Anatomy of Peace". 


Has anyone read this book? I would love to hear what you thought and how it affected, affects you?


The Second is a book called "Christlike Parenting:Taking the Pain Out of Parenting"(Glenn I. Latham)

This book, along with "Leadership and Self-deception", really will take the pain out of parenting. Well, there will always be some pain, but boy do they alleviate a lot of it. 


It gives sound advice for dealing with temper tantrums to the teenage years. Your view of your children will change, and you will have greater respect for your role as a parent. This too can be read over and over, each time it will help refine the way you deal with your children. The ideas in this book are so simple but so powerful. They will change the atmosphere in your home. Things will be happier and more in control. Communication will increase and you will see the positive results you have been searching for.  


Christlike referes to Biblical Teachings. It doesn't matter your religion, you will love this book. 


Any of you read this one, what did you think?


I would like to start a book club here on Family Volley, beginning with one of these two books. No rush to read them, we can take our time. I know we have a lot of other things going on in life. :) I would like to start discussions, have you share your insights, and all go through an enlightenment together. 
Anyone interested? Let me know which book you would like to read first, and we will go from there. Neither are very expensive which is always a plus, you can find them anywhere, online, or at your local bookstore, and they are both books you will want in your home always. So what do you say, should we start reading together?