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Friday
6 Things Fathers Really Want For Father's Day
*I originally wrote this post for The Idea Room, where you can find me twice a month posting parenting and family tips. It is getting a lot of traffic, and Amy was kind enough to let me post it here on Family Volley also. This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. I think dads get a bad wrap. This Father's Day, and all year round, let's show them the love and respect they deserve.
It would be great if you would show the post some love and keep the momentum going. Would love it if you would PIN IT!, or post it on Facebook etc...
With Father's Day just a few days away, we are probably all looking for the perfect gift for the men in our lives. Ties, electronics, and sporting equipment seem to top the list of gifts we give to make the fathers in our lives feel special.
But....Being a father is about more than golf clubs and it is important that we make dads feel special year round. Here are 6 suggestions for ways we can make the fathers in our lives feel special, all year long. You can't wrap them up in paper and ribbons, but they will make the men in our lives feel much more like the great dads they are.
Fathers Want... to do Things Their Way. As women, it is easy to feel there is a right and wrong to the way things should be done around the house, and with the kids. The dishwasher should be loaded a certain way, putting the kids to bed should be done a certain way, and folding the children's clothes should be done just so. But that is not the case. There are lots of ways to load dishwashers, fold clothes and make kids feel special at bedtime. Instead of making our husbands feel like they have to do things our way, step back and let them be dads their way. They come with a whole life of experiences and expectations they want to apply to parenthood also. So let them. We should never make them feel guilty or wrong because they do things differently than we do. Plus, if we are constantly unwilling to accept the effort they are putting in, they will stop putting in the effort.
Fathers Want... to Teach and Share. As a mom, I want our kids to learn and love all the things I did as a child. I want our kids to learn to play tennis, and swim and doodle and draw. But we need to realize that fathers want to teach their kids what they know and love too. I recently learned this the hard way as I was talking to my husband. He grew up hunting, I did not grow up in a family that participated in that type of recreation. If we are being honest, it scares me. The two of us were talking two weeks ago and he mentioned it was time to teach our son to shoot a gun. I tried to be understanding, but couldn't help but express my concern. After we went back and forth, with me questioning why it was necessary for these skills to be taught, things got a bit quiet. Then my husband spoke up. "You know, I would love to teach our kids things I did growing up too." Ouch! I know this concept, but had neglected to live it. I had never even thought about it that way in our home. Don't learn the lesson the hard way like I did. Realize that they are excited about sharing themselves with your kids also. We married them after all. We need to trust them and let them.
Fathers Want... Us to Love Them. It is easy over time to let the little quirks or habits our husbands might have, start to bother us. But remember, it is probably those little quirks that we fell in love with in the first place. We have plenty of our own quirks and habits. I know I don't want my husband pointing them out all day. Love the father of your children just the way he is. Even if there are socks on the floor. There are much more important things in this life, than that.
Fathers Want... to Help. Take all the help they give and ask for help too. I am horrible at this. The kids will ask my husband for help with something and from the other room I holler, "it's okay, just bring it here, I will help you,"...or "come here, I can do it."
There is no need for that. I don't need to take away opportunities for him to help and for him to be a dad. Nor do I do it any better than he does/would. I have noticed I tend to jump in more when they are asking him to do things that usually fall under my "mother role". Help getting dressed or getting something to eat, or making their beds. Or I feel guilty because I didn't get it done first. I also catch myself not wanting to burden him. But he does't see it that way. Don't take away their opportunities to be a dad and ask for help.
Father Want... Credit. We have to be careful with the words we use. Saying "my children" all of a sudden takes dads out of the equation. Or "I have four children." It is a really simple thing, but they are his kids too. When we are talking, use "ours" and "we". "We have four children". "This is our son." Even if he isn't around.
Father Want... You to Stop Saying Mean/Embarrassing or Critical Things About Them. It can be easy to be with girl friends and start sharing critical things about the father of our children. We say them out of jest, or to be funny. But if roles were reversed, we would be really hurt if our husbands talked about us that way. Don't get caught up in the conversation. Always say positive and kind things to others about dads.
A nice new tie or sushi dinner will make my husband happy this Sunday. But he will feel even more special if I can remember to treat him like the great dad he is, year round.
Happy Father's Day to All The Wonderful Men in Our Lives!
What are you giving your Father/Husband for Father's Day this year?
Anyone else a little afraid of what your hubby wants to teach the kids?
Tuesday
Family Fun Friday - FILL THE CUP!
It has been a while since we have had a Family Fun Friday. But with school out, it is time for some fun and some new ideas, Don't you think?
In honor of the crazy hot temperatures that are hitting here in Utah today, (they say it will hit 99 degrees. Yikes!) This game is going to help your family get active, and get outside and cool off. And, laugh a lot in the process. It is normal when kids get out of school, to find them in front of technology a lot. Tame the technology and encourage your kids to play outside for at least 60 minutes a day. This game, and the water fight that will most likely follow, will keep them entertained for at least an hour.
This game would be perfect for children's birthday parties too. Another tip, I like to get my mirrors, pitchers, and cups at the dollar store. That way you can get as many as you need, without breaking the bank.
Here is what you need.
Clear Plastic Cups
Small Handheld Mirrors (1 mirror for every two people)
Blindfolds
Pitchers (Or fairly large cups)
Water Supply
How to Play...
Divide your family into teams of 2.
Each team is given a plastic cup, mirror, and pitcher or cup of water. If you go with the cup, you will want it to be pretty big.
Have one teammate sit down on the ground, and with one hand, hold the empty cup on their head. With the other hand, they will hold the mirror in front of them.
The second teammate stands, blindfolded, above their partner who is sitting on the groud and holds the pitcher (or large cup) full of water.
Here is where things get good. The teammate on the ground with the mirrow, now has to use the mirror to direct their blindfolded partner. Giving them directions to fill the cup up with water that is ON THEIR HEAD! Yep, plan to get a bit wet.
Teammates are not allowed to touch one another, only direct with verbal feedback as to what teammate two has to do to pour the water from the pitcher into the empty cup on the top of their partners head.
Once the cup is full, the teammates switch places and do it again. This time the one who poured is on the ground with the mirror, and the one who sat the first round is now blindfolded and pouring.
The first team to finish both tasks, WINS!
Your entire family will love this game. Just don't be suprised if it turns into a water fight at the end.
Over the past few years, Family Volley has featured a ton of great games to play with your family and friends. If you want to see them all in one place, click on the BUY THE BOOK button at the top right of your screen. I will send you an amazing compilation of all of them. It is the perfect solution to the "mom, I'm bored, that you might be hearing all summer.
If you are looking for something for your kids to do this summer, why not have them enter the NFL Play60 Invention Content. Send them outside and challenge them to invent a new game. Whether they win or not, at least they were out having fun and moving. The contest ends on July 12, 2013 at 11:59:59 PM EST.
Happy Tuesday!!!
Are your kids out of school yet? What is your family doing to stay active?
Friday
House Fried Rice -What's For Dinner
Love being involved in a sponsored post with Success Rice.
After a really fun response to the Carbonara Rice with Chicken recipe I posted a few months ago, I thought I would share another family favorite. I would eat this every. single. night. if I could. It is that good.
Plus, it is a quick way to get dinner on the table so your family can spend some quality time together.
I love Chinese Food, Sweet and Sour Chicken, Cashew Chicken and especially House Fried Rice. There is a "hole in the wall" Chinese restaurant on 3rd South here in Provo that has THE best fried rice in town.
So instead of stressing over what to make for dinner tonight, I offer you the best fried rice recipe you can make at home. And believe me, I have tried many a fried rice recipes. On the table in 20 minutes. You can't beat that.
Two quick side notes: You don't have to use chicken and shrimp in this dish. It is fantastic without meat at all. Use it as a side dish if you want. And, if you don't like shrimp, or don't have chicken on hand, use what ever you have. It is great with ham, beef, chicken and shrimp. My favorite is to have all four meats, but I don't always have ham and beef on hand.
Second side note: This dish comes together very VERY fast. So it is best if you have all the ingredients prepped and ready before you start. Makes everything easier and faster. I have spelled out the steps one by one, but don't be overwhelmed. It is crazy easy to make.
Chicken and Shrimp Fried Rice.
3 Cloves of Garlic (you can use more if you really like Garlic)
6 Tablespoons Butter, Divided
1 teaspoon Lemon Juice
1/2 Medium Onion, finely chopped
1 1/2 Cup Frozen Peas and Carrots
1 1/2 Cups Cooked Chicken/Shrimp/Ham and or Beef
3 Eggs, beaten
3 Cups cooked Success Rice White Rice, Chilled (When I am short on time, I just throw the rice in warm. Comes out great)
4-5 Tablespoons Soy Sauce (or more to taste. I usually use 5-6 tablespoons)
2 Green Onions or Scallions, chopped
Salt and Pepper
Preparation:
Cook your Success Rice. It boils in the bag, so it is quick, ready in 10 minutes and really easy. When it is done, open it up so it can start cooling down. Just toss the bag in the freezer to speed up the cooling process. Or you can spread it out on a cookie sheet covered in foil (no messy clean up) or on a cutting board. You can also put it in the freezer to really speed up the cool down process.
Melt 2 tablespoons of butter in the microwave. Add the garlic and lemon juice to the melted butter and stir. Set the mixture aside.
Chop the onion and green onions. Measure out the peas/carrots, meat, rice and soy sauce.
Beat the eggs in a small bowl.
In a large non-stick skillet, melt the remaining 4 tablespoons of butter over medium heat.
Add the onions and sauté until transluscent. It usually takes about 5 minutes.
Add the peas and carrots and cook for 3 minutes
Then add your diced chicken, shrimp, etc... Cook for 1 minute
Push all of the ingredients to one side of the skillet to slow the cooking process. I like to slightly offset my pan on the burner, so the food isn't on the heat.
On the empty side of the skillet, add the eggs. Season with salt and pepper and scramble as they cook.
Add the veggies to the eggs once they are starting to set. Move the garlic and veggies off to the side also.Add the garlic mixture to the pan and use a spatula to break it up (the butter will have firmed up a bit.) Cook for about a minute or so. Don't over cook the garlic or it will get bitter.
Add the cold, cooked rice and mix it in with the other ingredients.
Add the soy sauce and stir to combine for about 2-3 minutes.
Add the green onions and stir.
Now is the time to taste test. Check to see if you want more soy sauce. I always want more soy sauce.
Remove from the skillet and serve.
Eat and Enjoy. I promise your family will ask for seconds!
What is your favorite kind of food? Chinese, Mexican, American, Indian? Now I am hungry!
With 4 varieties available including: Success® Whole Grain Brown Rice and Success® White Rice, and globally-inspired aromatic varieties of Success® Rice, including fragrant Thai Jasmine or Basmati Rice, there’s a variety everyone in your family will love. Try your own twist on one of your favorite recipes by swapping an aromatic variety into some of your go-to rice dishes. To accommodate various households, Success® Whole Grain Brown Rice and Success® White Rice comes in two different sizes – 14 oz. or 32 oz.
So what are you waiting for? Use this coupon for $.50 off your next box so you can add this staple to your kitchen pantry: http://bit.ly/YwIYtq
Thursday
Motherhood - How Not To be a "Tiger Mom"
You might recall a few years ago, when I was asked to read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother for the TLC Book Tour.
Well, a rebuttal has been published, and TLC asked if they could send it my direction.
Tiger Babies Strike Back, continues to open our eyes to the Chinese way of parenting. But unlike many Chinese children, Kim Wong Keltner fought back. And she fought back hard.
The book didn't hit me so much as a rebuttal, more of a complilation of Kim's experiences and how she handled them. Her message is clear. She didn't like how her Chinese mother treated her. She doesn't like the Chinese way of parenting, and she does not parent the Chinese way.
So what is a "Tiger Mother"?"
According to Keltner, "A tiger mother offers no hugs, no sweet nothings whispered into soft little ears, not even a smooch good night. Tiger moms don't exactly cuddle. They don't kiss your boo-boo's when you stumble or scrape the skin off your leg. They are detached, practical to a fault, and don't believe in reassuring. They rule with absolute authority and corporal punishment."
Nothing about the description sounds like motherhood to me. I do not believe that motherhood is cold, or harsh, or forceful. But...Tiger babies left me thinking about motherhood, and how the message of the book applies to all of us.
Here are 5 ways NOT to be a Tiger Mother.
1. Don't withhold love.
Keltner talks about being a silly as a child and posing for a kiss from her mom as she came up the stairs. Her mother refused and called her actions disgusting. One of the worst things we can do as a parent is to withhold our love. For any reason. Even when our children are being silly or misbehave, we still need to love them. Always love them. And not just when they leave for school, or when you put them to bed. Show love on a random Saturday just because your child walks past you in the kitchen. Showing love is not a weakness, nor does it condone misbehavior.
2. Don't Compete with other moms, Cooperate.
This is one of my favorite statements in the entire book. Comparing our children to other's children is not going to inspire our kids to be better. Neither is telling our children all about the successes of other children. Even though we think it might. Maybe in the short term it might get us results, but in the long term it hurts their esteem, efficacy, and our relationship. Just because our children excel in something that our friends children do not, doesn't make us better moms. It is true that our children are a reflection back on us, but controlling them, so we appear a certain way, is not good for us, or for them.
3. Be Present
Tiger Mother's are always jumping ahead. They are never in the now. So concerned about their child being successful in the future, they don't care about what is happening at the moment. Good mothers are in the present. They are worried and planning for the future, but that is not at the expense of right now. I learned this the hard way. When our son was about 7, I was helping him learn basic multiplication. No matter the object lessons, diagrams, or explaining, it just wasn't making sense to him. Laced with frustration I said "if you don't figure out this multiplication, you won't ever get into college." You can imagine the blank stare our 7 year old sent my direction. He needed help with 2 x 2. He didn't ask anything about college. By not focusing on the present, I sent him a message that I didn't care about what he was saying or needing now. It conveyed the message I wasn't listening. Now, does he need to understand multiplication to get into college, yes! But that is for me to worry about in my head, not out loud. He doesn't have the experience or wisdom to understand those grown up topics. We have to stay right with them, right in the moment. So they trust us and know we are listening and care about the now.
I was reminded to be present again just this week. Our daughter was telling me a story. I was "listening", but the second she was done talking I asked if she was ready for swim. She looked at me and said "Mom, I wasn't even talking about swimming." Again, stay in the present.
4. Don't let our expectations paralyze us.
Tiger mothers have expectations. These expectations span generations. Nothing matters but fulfilling those expectations. As mothers we have to be really careful with our expectations. Ours might not be as absolute as Chinese mothers, but we all have them. It is easy to become paralyzed and close minded when our children don't meet up to those expectations. I have been learning this over the last two years with our son.
For three generations on my side of the family, we have played baseball. Not just little league, but at a collegiate level. My grandfather, my father, and both of my brothers all played. I always expected that our son would do the same. I had these expectations and beliefs about how he would carry on the tradition. Well, it is hard to admit, but he is not passionate about baseball even though he enjoys it. I found myself being very resentful toward him when he wasn't putting forth the effort I felt was needed for him to be on the "collegiate path." I have had to let go of my expectations, see our son for who he is, and support the things he does love and is more passionate about. For a short time, I was paralyzed. I was not flexible or understanding to his feelings at all. This caused stress in our relationship and tainted how I treated him.
5. Don't expect perfection
Tiger mothers expect perfection. And if it is not reached, then their children have failed. No one is perfect, including our children. And until we are perfect, we don't have any room to expect perfection from our children. They are children, they are learning, and so are we. We need to let them to human and normal and learn and grow. They are always willing to give us more chances to get things right as we navigate this parenting gig. We owe them the same respect.
I enjoyed Tiger Babies Strike back. I appreciated learning more about how other cultures parent. The book is easy to read, entertaining and humorous. The situations in the book made me take a step back and ask if I ever act the same way. Because I don't want to act that way.
I can't imagine raising my children the Tiger Mother way. I don't see how it allows our children to grow or to develop. We do need rules, we do need consequences, we do need to help lead and guide and push our children as they learn and develop. But we will find more success and happiness when we mother with love, and compassion and patience. Opposed to close minded force.
I love how this book shows us that we can be a transitional character and make the future better. Maybe we grew up in a home where parenting was not a strong suite. Maybe we grew up in a home where our parents did a fantastic job. Either way, we decide what we will pass on, what type of parent we will be and what we like and didn't like about our upbringing and why. We can make changes, modifications and do better. Every generation can do better.
Where you raised by a tiger mother?
Have you ever had to let go of an expectation you have had?
What characteristic(s) do you think, makes a good mom?
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