Continue in Patience

I keep watching this video over and over.

I appreciate it's message. Patience is a virtue, one I am always trying to work on.

DO YOU THINK YOU COULD WAIT TO EAT THE MARSHMALLOW?

FAMILY FUN FRIDAY-A Bit Dicey

OBJECTIVE

Be the first person to stack and balance 5 dice on a craft stick, while holding the craft stick in your mouth.

MATERIALS NEEDED

Crafts Sticks

One per person

Craft Sticks are just oversized popsicle sticks. You can get them at any of your local craft stores. You will recognize them, they are the tongue depressors our doctors use when they want us to "say ah."

Dice

5 per person

I like to get my dice at the dollar store. Usually I can get 10 for a dollar. You can also raid a few of the board games that you have around the house. The dice do not have to be traditional with dots. It doesn't matter what is on them as long as they are the traditional size. 

TO PLAY

Give each player a craft stick and 5 dice.

Each player puts the craft stick in their mouth, where it has to be held with their teeth, lips, etc. NO HANDS ALLOWED (to hold the stick.)

Then, each player picks up their dice, and vertically stacks them, one at a time, on their craft stick. Forming a tower 5 dice high. 

Players are not allowed to let the dice rest against their nose or touch any part of their face.

  

The first person to stack the dice while holding the craft stick in their mouth, wins. 

Anyone have a brush for that morning hair?

MODIFICATIONS

If you don't have enough dice sitting around for everyone to have 5. Take turns, timing everyone as they go. The person with the fastest time wins. This is also fun because then you get to watch everyone else.

For small children, like our 2 year old. 5 dice is a lot. So she has to balance 2 instead. Sometimes we modify for her and instead of stacking them vertically, she just has to put them on her craft stick (no stacking required.)

You can also play to see who can stack the most dice, vertically on their craft stick. 

Have a great weekend!

xo

Date Your Husband? Let me start the conversation for you.

Remember when you were dating your husband, before you got married, and you promised each other that kids, and life, and work, and being tired would NEVER get in the way of the two of you dating? Remember those conversations? I do. And although we try really hard to hold true to those early promises, life does happen and fitting a date in can be complicated and sometimes so much work that it doesn't seem worth it.

The truth: Research shows that to keep our marriages strong we need to go on a date with our spouse EVERY OTHER WEEK. That's at least twice a month. 
If you are a member of the LDS church, you know that our prophets and apostles recommend going on a date with your husband EVERY WEEK.

Either way this is a tough charge.

Then comes the next problem.

Do you ever find yourself on a date with your husband and all you talk about are your kids? Or maybe you struggle to find something to talk about at all? Or maybe, all you talk about are all the problems and worries your family is facing.

These things need to be talked about, but on our dates, that are hard to come by in the first place, is not the most ideal time. Our dates should be fun, relaxed and carefree. Not heavy laden with worries and stresses. There should be laughter and holding hands.

SO...Here is a list of things you can talk about when you go out with your husband this week. Print it out and take the list with you. 
Yup, plan a date and MAKE IT HAPPEN. I am giving you plenty to talk about. 

WHILE YOU EAT YOUR APPETIZER
1. Name three countries you would like to visit.
2. Which celebrity annoys you the most?
3. How would you spend 10,000,000 dollars? (My husband loves this question.)
4. If you could try out any occupation for a year, what would it be?
5. On a scale of 1 to 10 how cool are you?

OVER THE MAIN COURSE
1. If you could rewind to any point in your past, what would you want to relive?
2. If you could take lessons to become an expert at anything, what would it be?
3. How would you spend a perfect day alone?
4. What would you want us to do together for the next ten years if you knew they were our last?
5. What's the most honest thing you have ever done?
6. How would you like people to describe you at your funeral?

WHILE SHARING DESSERT, or eating your very own
1. Hollywood called, they want to make a movie about your life, who would play you?
2. Name something you love that no one seems to like. (Or name something that everyone seems to love except for you.)
3. What's the one item you own that you know you should get rid of but never will?
4. Name one thing you miss about our dating years? (Then talk about how you can make it a part of your dating again.)
5. Last one, make it good! What's something positive about me that you don't say often enough? (Then decide to say it more.)

Remember, these are not one sided questions. You both need to answer them. The coolest part, this will get the conversation going and then you can take it from there. You will find that the questions might seem funny or silly, but they can lead to other great conversations that you didn't even know would happen.

Happy Dating, Love birds.

IS DATING HARD FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND? WHAT GETS IN THE WAY?
WHICH OF THESE QUESTIONS WILL YOUR SPOUSE LIKE THE MOST?

Bad Dreams, Nightmares AND Night Terrors

It is a horrible feeling to wake up in the middle of the night to your child screaming and crying from a bad dream.

At 3am, our first instinct might be to hollar "it's just a bad dream, go back to sleep." Although it isn't real, the best thing we can do as parents is to immediately respond to our scared child.

What causes nightmares?
Young children, especially toddlers have a great imagination. For them, it is really hard to separate make believe from reality. So, any number of things that happen during the day can cause the bad dreams and nightmares.
Change can also trigger bad dreams, as well as struggles, arguments, and problems at home amongst parents and siblings. Nightmares usually happen in the wee hours of the morning.

How to deal with nightmares?
*Don't down play the fact that your children are scared. You don't want to minimize their fears. Acknowledge that they are afraid. This will help them not only settle down, but develop trust.

*Explaining to your child that it is just a dream probably won't do much to help at this age. It will probably make more sense to explain to your child that "they were just watching a movie in their head", or they were "just pretending or playing make believe in their sleep." Because they like to pretend and play make believe during the day, this will be much easier for them to understand.

*Once you sense your child is calm enough, you can ask them what the dream was about, but only if you feel you need to. Have them keep the explanation brief so you don't make the situation worse. You also don't want your kids to get in a habit of waking up and conversing in the night. It will only take a time or two and they might start using it as a tactic to chat and stay up.

*Talk about a happy memory or thought. This will help get your child's mind on something else.

*Be cautious about inviting them into your bed to sleep, or lay down with you. This too will very quickly turn into a nightly ritual that will hard to break. It is best to console them in their own bed and leve them there.

**Most important, hold your child, rub their back, and reassure them that everything is okay.

Can we prevent nightmares?
*There are the obvious things to steer clear of. Scary books, movies, and stories before bed.

*Using a nightlight can also be helpful so the room isn't pitch black.

*Keep your children's lives clear of scary and uncertain things in general. Television puts thoughts and visions in children's heads that can come back to haunt them as they sleep. Be sure they are watching things that are innocent and age appropriate.

**Most important, establish a bedtime routine. Keep it calm and un rushed. This will make things predictably. There is great comfort for children in predictability. It makes them feel safe when they know what is going to happen. It will also give them time to wind down and let their minds settle and relax.

What are Night Terrors?
Night terrors might look and sound like a nightmare or bad dream, but much worse. Screams, sweating, wide open eyes. The other differences, your child is sound asleep and usually doesn't remember anything about it the next morning. They usually happen during the first few hours of sleep.

Causes?
Night terrors can be caused by bad sleep patterns, stress, anxiety or changes in routines. Kids who don't get enough sleep are much more likely to have terrors than those kids who get sufficient sleep.

How to Handle Night Terrors?
There isn't a lot that parents can do. The most important is to stay with your child until the terror is over. They usually don't last more than a minute or two, but can last as long as 30 minutes. Don't try to hold them or wake them up. They don't realize what is happening and this will make them even more disoriented. Kids usually settle right back into sleep on their own.

Can Night Terrors be Prevented?
Just like with nightmares, a calm, relaxed, and routine bed schedule is very important. On top of that, try to seek out what might be bothering them. Examine their home, school, church and friend situation. See if you can find an underlying stress or struggle. Address these stresses during their waking hours to resolve their concerns. Terrors usually only last a few weeks, but if they continue, start recording when they happen and how often. You can take this to your pediatrician and see if he/she can provide some help.

How do you handle bad dreams?
DO your children have Night Terrors? What do you do?

FAMILY FUN FRIDAY-Pretzel Face!

I was laughing so hard when our family played this game this week that all the pictures I took, came out blurry. It is that funny, and that much fun.

All you Need

Pretzels

You will want 10 or so for each player. Have extras on hand.  

and

Your Face

How to play...

Everyone starts by balancing a pretzel on their forehead. Then, using only your face, you have to get the pretzel into your mouth. You can not use your hands, or anything else for that matter. 

You can't flip it into your mouth, instead you have to use your face muscles to work the pretzel down your face and into your mouth. 

If the pretzel falls (and doesn't break) pick it up and put it back on your forehead and start again. If it does break when it falls, get a new pretel, put it on your forehead and get moving. 

The first person to get three pretzels into their mouth wins. 

Even the littlest of players can be involved in this game. Our two year old loves to play along. 

You can all compete at the same time, or, if you want to watch because it is so funny, have everyone play one at a time and see how long it takes. Then compare times to come up with a winner.

I hope everyone has a great holiday weekend. 

Tiger Mother Roars-Is it Worth Listening?

Review: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

A few months ago I was asked to review an upcoming book. By now you have probably heard about it. It was the positions on parenting that brought Family Volley and The Tiger Mother together. When I agreed I had no idea how controversial this book would be. 

The root of the controversy is easy to see. As I started to read about Chua and her Chinese ways, I couldn't help but wonder in what chapter of the book Social Services would make their appearance. Her story about putting her three year outside to stand in weather with wind chill of twenty below because she wouldn't practice the piano, struck me as abuse too. 

I thought I would continue reading with outrage. I thought I would be mad. I wasn't. Tiger Mother has left me with so much to think about that I am having trouble organizing my thoughts. I am not going to give you a Tiger Mother history. Google the book and you will get all you need about the fact that she is a Law Prof. at Yale and a second generation Chinese American. You can also read all the yay's and nay's. 

According to the book, the Chinese Way is extreme parenting at its finest. Chinese parenting believes "schoolwork always comes first, an A minus is a bad grade, you should never compliment your children in public, the only activities your children should be permitted to do are those in which they can eventually win a medal, and that medal must be gold." Different than the Western parenting philosophies that "believe in providing children with a nurturing environment where individuality is respected and kids are encouraged to pursue their passions." 

This said...After reading the book, here are a number of things on my mind...Food for thought...

The way we were raised has a huge affect on how we raise our children. If we liked the way our parents did things, if we are comfortable with what we have become, then we will do things the same way. If we don't like the way our parents did things we are more likely to do things differently. Tiger Mother was raised the Chinese Way. So were her parents and their parents. It worked for them. It is all she knows. It is important that as parents we develop our own way of parenting. We should work with our spouses to do what is best for our families. 

There are plenty of Chinese children that are not math whizzes, gold medalists and piano protégés. Just like there are plenty of Western children that are math whizzes, gold medalists, and piano protégés. 

In my opinion, Chua's extreme Chinese parenting practices are outlandish and ofter ridiculous. There is yelling and force and many many threats, coupled with more yelling. Her daughters are required to practice piano and violin for hours on end. They are given zero opportunities to have friends or play. I don't agree with any of this. Many a successful child has and will be raised in nurturing environments where they are encouraged to pursue their passions void of yelling and force.

We have to be careful when we stereotype. Not all kids who like the drums will become drug addicts, and not all Western parents have low expectations for their children. 

Studies indicate that compared to Western parents, Chinese parents spend roughly 10 times as long every day drilling academic activities with their children. It has been said that love is spelled T-I-M-E. As parents we all need to spend more time working with and helping our children. 

The Chinese way of parenting is void of choice. Children have no say. Children need choice. Sometimes as parents, when faced with a little opposition from our kids, we fold. As a result we live in a time where kids expect, and assume they should have what they want when they want it, without working for it. As parents we do need to stand strong. There are times when we do know best and we need to stand our ground. 

As parents we often want our children to do certain things and act certain ways because it will make us look good. Good grades mean a good parent, as do good manners. We have to be careful not to manipulate our children just so we look like great parents. In Tiger mother it is all about how the parents look. Disobedient children are a disgrace to their parents. Although we want our children to love and respect and obey us. We have to realize that it is not all about us. 

This is not a parenting book filled with "you should's" and "how too's. Chua simply gives us a glimpse into why Chinese parents do things the way they do and how a Chinese parent understands and views Western Ways. 

Don't look at it as a parenting manual. Chua is not telling anyone how parenting should be done. Her views are stepped in tradition, history, habit and expectations. 

It is easy to be taken a back by Chua's stereotypes and assumptions. She makes harsh statements about Westerners lack of drive and vision for their children. It can be easy to be offended and put off. She does feel her parenting style is best.

At the same time, I was able to evaluate the type of parent I am and am trying to become. I have struggled to keep our son practicing the piano for 30 minutes. I know what it is like to face the homework battle. Each time we have a situation I have to decide how I want to handle it. Do I want to yell and threaten? Or, do I have the knowledge that can help me handle the situation without the force? I do, and I believe that will produce the same results, if not greater ones. 

We do need to expect great things from our children. If we don't, who will.

We do need to make sacrifices to help them succeed and improve.  

Because of the Tiger Mother's parenting style she almost looses her second daughter. There is an instance when Chua realizes this and makes changes to save the relationship. She cannot abandon her Chinese ways altogether, but she tries to find some compromise. This applies to all of us. We need to be humble as parents. We need to recognize when what we are doing isn't working and modify. We are not perfect. 

Each of our children will be different. They are not cookie cutters. What worked for the first, might not for the second and third. The sooner we realize this, the better parents we can be. 

I really enjoyed reading this book. It was quick to get through, easy to follow, and left me with so much to think about I am considering starting a weekly post on Family Volley were we address some of the topics I have touched on above. Read it, evaluate your feelings and address your own parenting style. It does what any good book does, sends you through a whirlwind of emotions. All centered around one of the most important things we can do, raise children. 

This is the story of a mothers journey to raise her children. I am a mother on the same journey.  

HAVE ANY OF YOU READ TIGER MOTHER?

DO YOU THINK PARENTING CAN BE DONE WITHOUT ALL THE YELLING?

Want to read how Chua's daughter feels about all the Tiger mom criticism?

A special thanks to Trish and TLC BOOK TOURS. And to the publisher for sending a copy of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.

A True Valentine

 Our first Valentines Day together was magic. The one you wait for and dream of.

I had clues stashed all around the city. They were located at all the places where we had made significant memories together. First date, first kiss, you know.
My roommate helped me hide the clues. They were big red hearts taped up with red masking tape. They rhymed.

I had ordered his favorite cologne from Germany. A few other things were wrapped and waiting. He was to scour the city following the clues and end up back at my apartment. Dinner was waiting and so was I.

The wait was unbearable. When you are madly in love with someone every minute apart seems like a million years.

I left the door barely cracked open so he could walk right in. Like in the movies. The clues worked and I can still see him walking through the door. He had on my favorite shirt. It was a pink Polo dress shirt. At 6'4"and 220, you can wear pink.

He already knew. He had know for months. He already knew that we would spend forever together. Up to this point, I didn't know yet.
I knew that I couldn't breath without him, but, on the surface we came from very different places.
On the inside we were the same. Our beliefs, our hopes and dreams, we were the same.

As he walked through the door that night, in that moment, I knew too.

He gave me a big hug and kiss. We ate. And then I gave him his cologne. He still has some left. I bought a big bottle and he uses it sparingly. We can't ever get any more. When he wears it I am immediately taken back to that night.

Then, he gave me a ring. Not a wedding ring. It wasn't time for that yet. He didn't know that I "knew."

It was a beautiful band for my right hand. Three small sapphire baguettes (his birth stone) separated by two small diamonds. It cost him everything he had. He had scrimped and saved. My graduate professor noticed it the next day at school. Or maybe he noticed the giant smile on my face that I couldn't erase.

Every Valentines Day that memory comes back. The emotions are still tender and real.

We haven't had a Valentines Day like it since. (They have all been better.)

No scavenger hunts, no dimmed rooms with waiting packages, no pink Polo shirts.

Now, there are children. First there was one and we took him with us to Valentines Dinner.

Then there were two so we stayed home and I cooked my husbands favorite meal.

Then came three.
We eat a special Valentines Dinner the kids will love and cut hearts out of construction paper. There are countdown chains and glue and tape as we make homemade Valentines to be delivered to classmates. There are sugar cookies with pink frosting and too many sprinkles. And a special reading of the Berenstain Bears "Funny Valentine." followed by the story of "how mommy and daddy met."

Everyone gets cards. My husband writes in mine. I wait all year to read what he has to say. He knows that. He is really good with cards.

We finish by 6:30 because bed is at 7:00. Teeth are brushed, stories read, more stories read, and our girls usually sleep with their Valentines next to their pillows.

Then my husband and I work to finish dishes, I do laundry and we hope to go to bed early.

On our way to bed we check on the kids again. We straighten them out and cover them back up. We talk about them while we brush our teeth. We talk about how we will get a sitter in a few days and go out just the two of us. The few days usually turns into a few weeks, but we go. It is always special.

Then as I lay in bed I remember THAT Valentines Day. The first one. I am grateful for it. But just as soon as I remember it, it is gone. New memories flood my mind. I KNOW that every Valentines Day since has been better. They have been different but so much better.

Now I really know Valentines Day. Now I really know love. It is our children's laughter, the crooked red cut out hearts, the messy faces. It is standing by my husband doing the dishes. It is worrying and praying together about up coming decisions. It is being tired from nursing babies. It is trying to juggle schedules and wipe tears (and bottoms). It is the humility I feel when I realize I can do better. It is my husband running into my pregnant round belly and the laughter I just heard from our daughters crib upstairs.

Valentines Day is every day now.
It is every day I get to be a wife and a mother.
It is every day that I get to make our house a home.
It is everyday as I recognize how much love abounds when two people have committed to be together for eternity.

The gifts are different too. Not so much big, shiny or imported. Not just on Valentines Day. The gifts are the kind things we do for one another each and every day.
It is coming home and seeing that my husband has emptied the dishwasher. It is his hard work in supporting our family. It is his listening ear that he willingly shares, even when I tell him the same concern over and over. It is the toothpaste he puts on my toothbrush at night.

The memories are priceless. But that night in my apartment 11 years ago, I thought I had the Valentines Day of my dreams. Little did I know, the best was yet to come.

Now I know what it is like to have a true Valentines. Void of the commercialism, void of gimmicks. My true Valentine and I have a full house and a busy life. Filled with worries and stresses and joy and laughter.

Most of all my Valentine and I have every day together, filled with love.
I still can't breath without him. And every minute apart, seems like a million. 

Happy Valentines Day to you and your family.

FAMILY FUN FRIDAY-Homemade CONVERSATION HEARTS!

HOMEMADE CONVERSATION HEARTS

Are you looking for the perfect addition to make Valentines Day Special?

Look no further. 

This is a very special way to show someone you care. And it's really fun. 

You could make these with special messages for teachers, your child's class, your spouse, neighbors, friends, anyone. They are edible.

Here is what you need. 

 2 tsp. Light Corn Syrup

1 packet Unflavored Gelatin

1/2 cup Water

 2 lbs. Powdered Sugar plus 1 lbs. for dusting

Vanilla Extract (or Almond, or extract of your choice)

Food Coloring 

Food Coloring Markers

Small Heart Shaped Cutter.

We got our mini cutters and food markers at JoAnne's a few years ago. You can get them at Michaels and Roberts also. As well as online.  

Put the Water, Corn Syrup, and Gelatine in a small bowl and mix really well. Put the bowl in the microwave for 30 seconds. Take it out and stir until combined and smooth. 

Pour the mixture into a larger bowl and add 1 cup of Powdered Sugar. Using a mixer, beat on low until the sugar is combined. Keep adding the sugar and mixing until the full two pounds of sugar are added. The dough will be really sticky and stiff. 

 Put a generous layer of powered sugar on your counter and scrape the dough out of the bowl.

Knead and knead and knead, adding more powdered sugar as you go, until the dough is no longer sticky and it has turned shiny. 

 Divide your dough into the number of colors you want to make. Add food coloring and a few drops of extract to each. The kids choose Root Beer Extract this year. We will see how they taste.

Knead the food coloring and extract into each ball of dough until the color is consistent.

Cover the dough when you are not working with it. 

Put a fresh layer of powdered sugar down so your dough wont stick and roll the Dough out to 1/4 thick.

 Use your small cookie cutters to cut out your hearts.

Once they are cut out, lay them flat on a cookie sheet to dry. Ideally, you want them to dry for 24 hours, but you don't really have to wait that long. A few hours will do just fine. They need to be totally dry so when your write on them, the ink doesn't bleed.

 I cut out a few extra special shapes to give my hubby. 

 Once the hearts are dry, Let your kids (and you) use the food markers to write messages and pictures on each of the hearts. 

Put some of these in a special bag and deliver.

Or, make your own little box of Conversation Hearts to give away. You can even use another box of empty hearts and make your own cover.  

Valentines Day is on Monday. Don't forget all the special people in your lives.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO WRITE ON YOUR HEARTS?

ANY BIG V-DAY PLANS?

WHAT ARE YOU GIVING YOUR SPOUSE FOR THE BIG DAY?

Breakfast Love-A Tutorial

Valentine Pancakes

Love on a Plate

Love Abounds. Add some extra love to your family's breakfast and send them off for the day with a little something special on their plates and in their stomachs.

We try to have hot breakfasts a few times a week. Pancakes is a favorite. (We have them for dinner sometimes too. :)) We use this trick for Birthday breakfasts, you can use it for all holidays. If you really want to be sneaky, put the pancakes on the plates with the message down and have your kids flip them to discover the surprise. 

OR...Make them for your significant other, Put a letter or two in each pancake and "serve" him a lovey message. 

You already have everything you need right in your pantry.

Make your favorite pancakes. We are Bisquick fans in our house. From scratch works great also.

 Take about 1/3 of your batter and put it in a separate bowl. Add RED FOOD COLORING. 

Fill a pipping bag, or ziplock bag, or squeeze bottle with the red batter. The smoother the batter, the better. Lumps will get stuck as you pipe. 

Get your pan ready and use the pipping bag to pipe your first message. I went with XO.

Be sure if you are doing a word like LOVE, that you pipe it backwards, so it will be rightwards when you eat it. 

 Once the RED message starts to cook, pour the white batter right over the top.

The possibilities are endless, any design will work. 

Flip the pancake and get ready for the fun. 

Add your favorite syrup and enjoy.

I used the leftover red and pipped a Red heart. If you want, you could color all your batter red and serve RED HEART pancakes on LOVE DAY.

How do you celebrate the DAY OF LOVE?